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I feel semi-depressed and kind of crappy. My life is SO boring, and I feel so friendless. I started my third year of Uni today and I still only know like 5 people (but we aren't close). I've talked to two of these people I know via text and facebook today, but they are more like good acquaintances. My friends from where I grew up are all off to school, and my only friend who didn't go to school hangs out with her boyfriend all the time.

I feel so isolated and like life isn't real because at school it's like I'm basically observing some strange, foreign culture because I don't get to talk to anybody. I'm not really shy and I don't necessarily have anxiety when it comes to talking to others, I just lack the confidence to go up to someone and start a conversation, and I definitely don't have the confidence to ask for someone's number or msn.

So I came home after my one class and have been curled up in a little ball on my bed. I don't have my next class until tonight and I'm going crazy cooped up in my room. I'm also trying so so so so hard to get back down to my lowest weight (I have eating disorder issues), so that's another challenge. I'm trying not to eat and am trying to find the energy and motivation to work out. Right now I pinpoint everything to my weight. If only I were skinnier, I would be attractive and people would want to meet me and guys would want to meet me. I'm about 145, so I have 30 pounds + to lose, so it'll be a few months before I'm at the right place with my weight.

I have so many issues going on, I can't even count them. My only opportunity to go out is when a friend asks me to drink on the weekends. The weekends can really drag, so usually I go out and drink with people I grew up with or other friends (It's not that I've never had friends... I had tons in highschool but failed to maintain them. But usually the odd person will ask me to drink on the weekend but it's not the same as having a friend). Anyway, usually my drinking turns into binge drinking on a night on the weekend because I'm so secretly depressed. I don't want that to happen this weekend.

I feel like I'm just floating in existance and living this drab, mediocre life. Even though I will be volunteering soon, my studies will of course pick up, my summer job has asked me to stay on part time during first semester (a job at a credit bureau), I'll be going to the gym, and I guess will hopefully have a much fuller social life soon. I suppose I should just hang in there. Of course the first day of school is going to be slow?
 
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