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Someone special, and hoping his vaccine goes well today. 🥰 And that I’m glad I found the missing part of my milk frother, which has a magnet that stuck to the tray of my convection oven and accidentally got cooked a few times and survived.
 
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Yesterday I ran into this girl who was acting exactly like she wanted me to talk to her, but I just said nothing and ignored her the best I could. Now today she’s not here anymore. I guess it wasn’t part of her regular schedule, I don’t remember seeing her before yesterday either.

I’m annoyed at how my instinctual reaction to any social situation is to curl up into a ball and wait till I’m alone to plan out what to say. Like, I can’t prepare for all the different situations that I might be in and I just refuse to do anything unless I’ve calmly thought it through. If it’s not the second third or fourth time at least that I’ve been around a person, I won’t talk to them. I wish I was someone else, I hate myself.
 

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alien monk
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its pretty true that I dont take criticism well. that was the AvPD trait I thought I mostly lacked. but this one thing kept me up all night. I had to force myself to stop thinking about it. I'm really gonna hold a grudge against that person for quite a while.
 

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alien monk
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I wonder what its like to talk to me. am I approachable? am I a nice person.
 
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Yesterday I ran into this girl who was acting exactly like she wanted me to talk to her, but I just said nothing and ignored her the best I could. Now today she’s not here anymore. I guess it wasn’t part of her regular schedule, I don’t remember seeing her before yesterday either.

I’m annoyed at how my instinctual reaction to any social situation is to curl up into a ball and wait till I’m alone to plan out what to say. Like, I can’t prepare for all the different situations that I might be in and I just refuse to do anything unless I’ve calmly thought it through. If it’s not the second third or fourth time at least that I’ve been around a person, I won’t talk to them. I wish I was someone else, I hate myself.
If you could have this exact situation again how would you do it differently; what would you say? 🙂 I kinda had something similar on Sunday. I went out alone doing a litter pic and some guy standing across the road watching me said "hi!". I just wasn't expecting it so I said "hi" but my mind is still running on long established, ingrained thoughts, old dialogue that doesn't match up with what is going on in the here and now. My hi back wouldn't have been as friendly as it could have because of my thoughts and because I wasn't expecting it. Then I was passing this woman in her garden and we both said hi, this time a really friendly broad smile on my face. The woman came after me and said there was a group of them doing a litter pic and asked if I wanted to come along too. We had a good chat haha.
 

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I wish I could type what I'm thinking about right now.
 

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experimental sincerity
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So today my partner and I agreed not to have any alcohol in the house which I am very pleased about. I'm really fed up with the endless beers, so much money and energy (not to mention creative energy, the most precious of all) goes that way. Also, boring. It will be nice to have a change from this.
 

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If you could have this exact situation again how would you do it differently; what would you say? 🙂 I kinda had something similar on Sunday. I went out alone doing a litter pic and some guy standing across the road watching me said "hi!". I just wasn't expecting it so I said "hi" but my mind is still running on long established, ingrained thoughts, old dialogue that doesn't match up with what is going on in the here and now. My hi back wouldn't have been as friendly as it could have because of my thoughts and because I wasn't expecting it. Then I was passing this woman in her garden and we both said hi, this time a really friendly broad smile on my face. The woman came after me and said there was a group of them doing a litter pic and asked if I wanted to come along too. We had a good chat haha.
The thing is that I’m not comfortable enough to be honest with people. So I’d pretend to be a different kind of person, and then I’d spend the whole relationship trying to keep it up and feeling miserable and then break up with her just to get out of it. I’ve done this before is how I know.

So dating just isn’t worth it for me anyway. The reason I regretting not talking to her is that I like to lie to myself and pretend that I can be honest with people when I know that I can’t.
 

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Visceral
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My grandpa passed away last night.
I'm sorry for your grandfather. My father had to take oxygen in hospital. It was a shocking experience for us. Thank goodness he is fully recovered now and had taken his 1º vaccine. I hope your grandmother can afford to fully recover too. She's gonna have to be strong now.
 

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I'm sorry for your grandfather. My father had to take oxygen in hospital. It was a shocking experience for us. Thank goodness he is fully recovered now and had taken his 1º vaccine. I hope your grandmother can afford to fully recover too. She's gonna have to be strong now.
Yeah he tested positive and had to go to the hospital based on protocol even though he felt fine, just had a sore throat. Somehow it went from a sore throat to pneumonia, requiring intubation. He couldn't make it. He was fine 2 weeks ago....they had just gotten their first vaccine dose. It's insane. Thanks for reaching out

That's rough. My condolences to you and your family.
Thanks, I appreciate it
 

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Loathed Loiterer
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I've been noticing more and more of the late 90s early 00s loose baggy pants being worn around lately. It's a revolving door every 10-15 years.
 
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