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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am new to this site, so please help me if you can.

I have a very good friend, who is the opposite sex that I am, I am a male and she is female. We met a few weeks before she got married. We have been in daily contact with each other for four years now and write a few e-maisl to each other everyday. I am 8 years older than her. Overall, it's a strange relationship, but working.

This friend's birthday is next week, and she told me that she is planning on haveing a few friends over for her birthday but hasn't said anything about inviting me. If she doesn't I woujld feel very hurt and confused as I have been supporting her when needed and am almost like a 2nd husband to her.

If she doesn't invite me next week I don't know exactly what to do. I have drafted a e-mail already just in case stating that I feel hurt and devalued and want to know why I wasn't invited. This is a person who if I met someone and got married, I would invite them to my wedding.

Any suggestions out there? I am not really ready to lose this friendship, however feel that I need to tell her, in a polite way, how I feel if I am one of those friends who she chooses not to invite.
 

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How far away do you live from one another? Maybe she just wanted a girly day or something. I think the fact that she told you there is a birthday party means she isn't trying to hide it or anything, which would be far worse. Maybe she just doesn't see it as something you'd be interested in doing. Why don't you just suggest to her about going to her house and giving her a birthday card and gift and take it from there?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you for your reply.

Hi Machi, thank your for your reply.

We live about an hour away from each other.

At this point I am thinking several things. That perhaps her husband isn't comfortable with her having a guy friend and doesn't think it would be a good idea for her to invite me, or that perhaps she is having only girlfrends over. As far as getting her a gift, I don't know about doing it personally. What I am thinking of doing is that after her b-day inviting her for a cup of coffee and giving her one there. Again, I don't know what her husband is thinking.

I totally agree that it would be far worse if she tired to hide it from me, and I found out that day on Facebook.
 

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Hopefully she invites you to this party as I don't know why she would mention it if not. You would have every right to be upset if she didn't, good friends are good friends it's not something that holds true only when convenient.

With that said, it could very well be the husband objecting to inviting you. I too have a very good friend that is female and I know at times when she has had boyfriends they weren't always so accepting of the fact that we were so close. To her credit though, she had always made it clear to her significant other that we were close and would remain friends.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
If she doesn't invite me what would be a tactful way for me to talk to her about this? I really want to remain friends, but also want to find out what is going on here? Like I said, we have known each other for 4 years already and have been a very good support system for each other both in our personal and professional lives. We work in the same field and I know she needs a freind right now as she is having issues at work and lookng for a new job. She seems to prefer speaking to me since her husband is not in the same profession and does not know the politics of how our profession works.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
One way of speaking to her would be face to face, after her b-day fun is over and doing it over a cup of coffee, she did ask me if I wanted to go out once after the Super Bowl. Nothing happened there since.
 
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