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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all,

This is a problem i've had all my life really. And even though it's getting slightly better...i still can use any good advice there is.

You have guys that have alot of self-confidence and have no problem talking to anyone they see, look them straight in the eyes, and as for girls...they can walk up to them, have a nice chat with them, without any second thoughts or difficulty.

You also have guys that lack this self-confidence, who do have difficulties talking to anyone they see, have difficulties always looking people in their eyes when talking...and when they see a nice girl, simply don't have the guts or balls if you walk up to them and start a little chat, they do think about doing it....but most times they just decide not to. Or at a party or concert they just sit and do nothing...not sparking up a conversation with someone.

I am the second one....unfortunetely. Last week i spoke to my collegeau at work, he's 34 or 35, i am 26. He told me that a few years back he was incredibly shy, never had the self confidence and guts to speak to a girl.
I didn't tell him..but i was thinking to myself 'Hey...that's me' .

It's been a year and two months since me and my ex gf broke up, that sounds like a long time already,, but damn i can remember it as if it was yesterday. Life goes fast...damn. All that time i have just never really wanted to find someone nice again...i was fine by myself and just taking things easy. However....lately that's been starting to change quite a lot.

I'm not the kind of guy that goes out much to clubs or things like that, neither do i have many friends here...i just never needed them , that's all i can say. I do however have very good friends but sadly they don't live anywhere close near where i live. It's the same country, but its like driving for almost 2 hours to get there, lol. So i don't really get to go out with friends..and most of the time after work i go home, to my dog...and just do my own things. All my life i could manage on my own, very very well. Always at school by myself and things like that....

Last friday(not the day before yesterday, but the friday before that, i was going to the movies with my bro, and at the place where they sell drinks and food was this very nice lady....i would have loved to just talk for a few seconds/minutes...but i simply did not have the guts for it. Which IS strange....cause 4 years ago i DID have the guts to call the girl from the vet's place..and ask her out. I didn't had the guts to go to the place and ask it face to face though.

Last week on saturday(which was after me and my bro went to the movies)
me and my brother and my mom's friend were about to go to her house but first we needed something from the supermarket. When we were done , we went to the counter to pay for the stuff...this again very nice lady was working there and stared a few times at me ( i could see, even if i didn't look at her straight) and she smiled..however, stupid me didn't return the favour...i looked away, like i always do. For some reason when a girl really looks at me i look away...i hate that, i don't want it ...but it's me.

Now this was all last weekend...all the time during that weekend i couldn't stop thinking about that lady from the supermarket...i couldn't get her out of my head. I went for help on some forums i always visit , with very nice and friendly people. When the next week started(last monday) i felt so different...i felt happy, definitely more self confident already..cause normally when i would walk the dog or just by myself, i would look at the ground alot and act like i didnt care about anything. But i was walking around, looking at everything...especially beautiful girls that i normally wouldn't even notice.

All this because of a girl that cracked a nice smile at me? And also people on forums that gave me some advice? One thing was for sure...i had been in a 'light' depression for awhile until then. When my girl broke up with me and later that year i was gonna live on my seemed all good, but pretty soon the big 'fall' came...something i had never had before...which simply feeling very down and bad. I guess the combination of the nice lady, the great weather and help from people on forums have gotten me out of that bad 'moment' in my life. Which is great.

The thing is...i still DO need help with my shyness and i should try to 'upgrade' my self confidence more. On that same day (last monday)i decided to return to the shop , hoping to see her again, and this time smiling back and just being friendly like i always used to be. Too bad that she wasn't there, and neither was she the whole week. I went there on daily basis..but no luck.

So yesterday i went there again...since i saw her on a saturday evening i was hoping to find her..and at first i thought she wasn't around. But it turned out she was...this time i DID smile and acted friendly but i was so damn nervous, as if i almost froze up...i wanted to say something more than the usual 'have a good weekend' but nope. So i went home and i was like 'Damn you absolutely haven't got yourself anywhere now, go back' so i did...and bought some cookies and a magazine...and i told the lady at the counter 'haha, i almost forgot to buy cookies' least i said something more than the usual stupid stuff any customer does. And i got the receat with her name on's a start.

The thing i need advice and/or help for is soon as i really like a girl, i freeze up. I dont know what to say, i become very shy and my self confidence lowers a bit. I however don't have this problem when i talk to any other girl. Not when i talk to my bro's girlfriend. Also last friday in the same store was this other girl, and she was working there....she stared at me a few times, i walked passed her, she looked at me and greeted me , i did the same. When i exitted the store i looked behind me and i saw her looking at me again, smiling and saying goodbye and a brief moment of eye contact.

I know for sure i wouldn't have any problems sparking up a short conversation or just saying something friendly to her...cause i don't think the same way about her as i do about the girl from the counter. It might sound weird but i am afraid i am falling in love with that's the exact same feeling i had when i saw my first girlfriend for the first time...even when we never spoke yet...i was crazy about her.

But what is next....she seems to be only working on saturday evenings there. I've been receiving advice from people telling me all kinds of things.


Buy flowers and say to her ' i thought of you when i saw these so here you have some flowers'

Or give a compliment like 'this nice weather fits perfectly with your smile' or
"can i have the receat....and your MSN adress as well, if possible" (while smiling)

Or my own idea...since i can only see her on saturday evenings, go there, say something nice and just give her a little note asking if she would like to go for a walk or go for a drink. I simply am too shy and don't have the guts to ask that straight to her face....especially with all kinds of customers behind would have been better if nobody was around, i think i would have had the guts to do it then.

So any advice for me for this lady?And any tips to overcome this shyness and lack of self confidence in general?

5 Posts
most girls like a guy who likes himself. They dont realy like drama queens though. Just a straightforward " You seem kinda nice, wanna hang out sometime" If she says yes take her number and text her. If she says no be like it was worth a shot, and thats it.
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