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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When I'm around new people I tend to practice what I will say in my head... over and over and over to the point where it's hard to get out of the loop and actually say it.

(apparently even on internet forums, as I keep finding myself staring at the screen blankly) But It's been a real relief reading about other people's experiences on here.

At parties and bars I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who doesn't understand how it works. I rarely have the guts to approach a group or person an initiate a conversation, and when strangers come up to me to chat I struggle to not come off as awkward or disinterested with the 'get to know you' small talk. I know that I'm way too hard on myself, and afraid of failure, so I hang back and stress out instead of participating and enjoying the moment.

Last summer I had a panic attack in the middle of downtown Seattle while walking home. I couldn't get my **** together so I left the sidewalk to stand in a parking lot, facing a fence and trying to be as inconspicuous as possible as I sobbed and sweat and trembled. I was outside but I'd never felt so trapped before. I felt like such an idiot. I finally calmed my sobbing down and managed to drag myself the mile walk home, humiliated at the thought of other pedestrians and people in cars seeing me break.

Since then I've had a string of mild attacks on the bus, sometimes becoming so overwhelmed that I jump off at whatever stop is nearest and walk the rest of the way home. I saw a Psychiatrist for the first time this week, and he put me on anti-anxiety/antidepressants. I really want the treatment to work, but I don't understand how pills can fix me, it feels as though I'm wired wrong and I will always have these problems.

I'm sorry this turned into such a novel... it feels pretty good to put this in words. If you read all that - thank you - and hello!
 

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Welcome, DanaPants! :)
 

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Hey Danapants welcome. :hyper
 

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The desire to escape a social situation can be so debilitating. :| Good job making your post, It really helps to share.
 

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Hey there, Welcome! I have had those types of panic attacks in the past, had to sit down at bus stops to calm down, or lean against things thinking i was going to collapse! i also thought everyone could tell i was losing it.
I went on medication for it and it worked, slooowly. But I havnt had a real bad one since about six weeks into taking the meds. If meds you are on work, thats great, it can sometimes be trial and error with different types of meds, but i am sure you will be ok!!
 

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is getting over herself
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suddenly it's like a club for peeps in Washington state. I am also in Washington. Welcome to you, Dana, and your pants.

your post was well written and described the type of attack that can happen very well. One phrase in particularly really struck me - "wired wrong". that's exactly how I feel most of the time, just wired differently from others - but that's anxiety talking, really. It's the anxiety that causes these kinds of things to happen - you are not your anxiety, so please take heart.

You have just started to take small steps to tackle this thing, so be kind to yourself and who gives a damn what those people on the street may or may not think - after all, who are they??

thank you for writing about your experience, you are not alone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hey there, Welcome! I have had those types of panic attacks in the past, had to sit down at bus stops to calm down, or lean against things thinking i was going to collapse! i also thought everyone could tell i was losing it.
I went on medication for it and it worked, slooowly. But I havnt had a real bad one since about six weeks into taking the meds. If meds you are on work, thats great, it can sometimes be trial and error with different types of meds, but i am sure you will be ok!!
I'm glad I'm not the only one with bus problems! That's awesome your medication has helped.
Did the medication heighten your anxiety for the first few weeks?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
suddenly it's like a club for peeps in Washington state. I am also in Washington. Welcome to you, Dana, and your pants.

your post was well written and described the type of attack that can happen very well. One phrase in particularly really struck me - "wired wrong". that's exactly how I feel most of the time, just wired differently from others - but that's anxiety talking, really. It's the anxiety that causes these kinds of things to happen - you are not your anxiety, so please take heart.

You have just started to take small steps to tackle this thing, so be kind to yourself and who gives a damn what those people on the street may or may not think - after all, who are they??

thank you for writing about your experience, you are not alone.
Hi leonardess!

Thank you for your response. Man - I might print it out and carry it with me, it really addresses most of my negative self talk.
 
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