Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
574 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I've been on an internet dating site and what I've found is that I feel like I don't have enough tricks or talents. Like gymnastics for instance.

Or like people are music producers, firefighters etc. Or they are bar-tenders and business owners. I'm really boring I guess. BEING introvert and shy sort of makes a person boring.

I sent my photo to a guy and he told me to try to look sexy and fun. --uh ha ha ha ha

My jobs are not that exciting. I'm full of non-excitement.

How can I be exciting if I'm introverted? And why do people need so much excitement?

Oh wait, I have to ADD that everybody appears to be a pilot on these dating sites.

Or they are bar-tenders. Looking at a dating site makes me feel more introverted than I ever knew I was.


So much of it comes down to this and that ability.

Not only do I not have any special tricks right now but I don't even really care.

Why isn't it enough just to be me. Exhaustion. I'm getting internet exhaustion. This computer
own's my brain.

PS: Also clubbing. I am 34 years old and people expect me to be a clubber at this age. I never was and never will be I know it's fun but I don't know how to have fun and now I'm past that age anyways....

I mean if I wasn't introverted or whatever my deal is I would probably also dislike introverted people.
 

·
Permanently Baned
Joined
·
2,594 Posts
I think you are fine, and the tired adage of just be yourself is repeated. It's unrealistic to hold down one or more jobs and try to be something else we aint with whatever spare energy left.

For the record, almost every job is a stupid chore, and really people who can sit and talk about their "exciting" jobs are just good at making dull situations colorful.

P.S. Gymnastics after the ancient age of 30+ is probably a freak show.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
338 Posts
Eh, people can say whatever they want on those sites to make themselves appear to be a good catch. Some of it may not even be true. Take what you read on there with a grain of salt.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
180 Posts
What a coincidence. I am a bartender turned pilot. I would take you up for a flight except my plane is in the shop right now. Did I mention it's a Lear Jet?

I agree with Lily - much of it's BS. If you dated them they'd brush it off by saying "Oh you didn't believe all that stuff did you?"

if you want to find someone sincere you just need to be yourself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
80 Posts
I was on Match but it created so much anxiety in me that I called them up and said cancel my account, but you've got 4 months left, NO THANKS! I kept changing my profile, feeling insecure about the whole thing, the women were so wishy washy it made me wishy washy. So many of the gal's profiles sounded like gold diggers, bragging about their travels and exploits, nobody really ever emailed me back. The only thing that ever attracted women to my profile was when I had it set up for white knighthood. It was kind of my last hurrah..

Tip: If they mention a self help book in their bio your probably looking at a nut job.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
574 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I was on Match but it created so much anxiety in me that I called them up and said cancel my account, but you've got 4 months left, NO THANKS! I kept changing my profile, feeling insecure about the whole thing, the women were so wishy washy it made me wishy washy. So many of the gal's profiles sounded like gold diggers, bragging about their travels and exploits, nobody really ever emailed me back. The only thing that ever attracted women to my profile was when I had it set up for white knighthood. It was kind of my last hurrah..

Tip: If they mention a self help book in their bio your probably looking at a nut job.
Hello There!

Ha ha, yeah I would be one of those wishy-washy females on the dating sites.

I think there is anxiety for a lot of people going both ways on behalf of males and females alike.

Honestly I think dating sites are even harder than meeting people in person. In theory it's a good way to meet people BUT it's more anxiety producing for me or at least it's a different kind of anxiety. If I meet somebody over those sites I think that they will think I'm ugly in person when they meet me.

So at least if I meet somebody in person to start with from the very beginning there is NO surprise about what the other person looks like.

Dating is just a challenge anyways. I mean last night this guy was texting me at 1:00 AM in the morning (it's a week night) and he was intoxicated and wanted to meet me for the first time from one of these dating sites--while intoxicated during a weekday at 1 AM????!!!!:no

So now it's like I've got to figure out how to politely tell him nevermind...:roll

I mean I know I may not be the greatest catch but I also AM not an alcoholic. One beer rarely is about all I can do... and I'm too old for this nonsense..

Anyways back to the response about females being wishy washy..

IDK internet dating I haven't figured it out yet and honestly I would rather just figure out a way to meet people in person instead.

When some guy actually does flirt with me in 3-D it catches me so off-guard that I just don't even know how to respond.

Yeah it's true most females are looking for a good lifestyle money matters.
It's wired into us-- females are not into risk taking etc as much as males are. To generalize it's about security and comfort. Not about adventure and fort building.

All of the people I personally know who have successful marriages did marry for money. It's a very big part of marriage.

Though you didn't bring up the word marriage.

Anyways I'm confirming the truth of the matter as far as finances go.

Huhhh----.....I mean it's a challenge for those of us who are not perfectly beautiful and ultra wealthy etc.

This one guy who was showing a lot of interest in me even after I emailed my photos to him turned out to be into bondage and domination!!! ha ha :eek:

I'm not into bondage and domination!!!! Banging my head on the wall.

So you see....ha ha ha it's a treacherous thing this on-line dating.

I'm staring with an exhausted zombie look out the widow of the cafe I'm sitting and and now laughing shaking my head...

I've got to get back to work on my resumes.....blah blah

Honestly most people are probably nut jobs. Including everybody using the SAS site.

I mean it's sort of like yah don't put self-help in your dating profile but secretly if you haven't done any self-help then you may not be ready to do a relationship. Although the really crazy part of it all is that the bondage and domination guy is probably better at relationships than I am.

Shaking my head....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
574 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
What a coincidence. I am a bartender turned pilot. I would take you up for a flight except my plane is in the shop right now. Did I mention it's a Lear Jet?

I agree with Lily - much of it's BS. If you dated them they'd brush it off by saying "Oh you didn't believe all that stuff did you?"

if you want to find someone sincere you just need to be yourself.
Oh I also have to add that I met a guy who remembers all of his past lives and owns his own business (It's a really cool business)....:eyes
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
80 Posts
Yes, I also realized these dating websites attract weirdo's, and yes avoid the users, they will make your life miserable. Unfortunately many women run to men like this thinking they can change/fix them, then become damaged goods themselves, (some people just want to be victims), and I run into these types often. Don't politely tell a user never mind, just walk away, run, or pretend they don't exist.

I joined meetup.com and went to some singles events, also a bunch of interesting people making funny faces when your talking to them, (people who think they are all that have this trait), some real winners, pretending to like you when they don't, many players, diggers, etc., not particularly interesting people.

Most days, I'm like you know .. why is it that when you team up forming a relationship people say it's work, I don't get it, I thought teaming up was supposed to make things easier.

I don't want to be alone but my resilience and coping skills are not to bad. Since so many gals are divorce happy and I'm such a giver, fixer, lover, and doer, I'll always have some kind of girlfriend trying to get me to marry her.

The bondage/domination type is probably good from a sexual perspective but likely with some kind of personality disorder although domination is more natural than we might think, women actually like it and suffer many abuses as a result.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
574 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Recently I had to turn down somebody from a dating site and we didn't get any further than chatting on line but I could tell eventually that I didn't want to meet up with him.

I mean I don't even know this person and he seemed already offended by me not wanting to meet him.

On line dating is so weird....

It's like just because I have a little conversation with somebody doesn't mean anything.:bash
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
574 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
There are also A LOT of single parents on those dating sites almost too many. Makes me wonder what did they do wrong the first time around?...

Lots of them have very young children also like the kid is only 2-3 years old...and I think wow, you are separated already.

Ok so honestly...part of me feels like why would I like somebody else's kids....if I don't even have my own....

I mean I don't even like my own family with all of their alcoholism and such...why would I want to meet somebody else's family.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
28,013 Posts
There are also A LOT of single parents on those dating sites almost too many. Makes me wonder what did they do wrong the first time around?...

Lots of them have very young children also like the kid is only 2-3 years old...and I think wow, you are separated already.

Ok so honestly...part of me feels like why would I like somebody else's kids....if I don't even have my own....

I mean I don't even like my own family with all of their alcoholism and such...why would I want to meet somebody else's family.
Yeah, recently I got a message from a single dad. He's cute but ...... I just don't see myself being able to deal with someone else's kid. I don't have a high tolerance. I had enough troubles with just tolerating my exes when they would wake up early in the morning and play obnoxious music.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
80 Posts
I noticed most of the gals were single mothers as well, but being about 40 I would expect that many people would have children, you can't discriminate against them for that. You might be surprised these days, the kid might take a liking to you. I'm running into more and more single fathers and the girl is nowhere to be found. She's off with her drugger friends and wants nothing to do with the child, except once in a while she comes around to ensure the attachment is still present, behaviors in women I've never seen before, or thought were non-existent.

I also see Lots of the marrying type it seems, people that need someone, sometimes seem insecure, just my opinion though. They say marriage is healthy but I look at how so many married people carry on these days and I'm not so sure. I think half the reason I'm single and alone is that what I think a marriage should be is not what a marriage is. At my age most of my friends are married, except some are finally getting divorced, and when I talk to them all I can think is wow, what a hateful person.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top