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Unicorn
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I had earlier made a post about how I was taking a class at university which turned out to have a really prudish instructor who loved the idea of students volunteering to answer questions. As the days had gone by, I realized she really had it worse for people who are shy and hesitant. By her logic, someone who isn't willing to answer or take risks in class needs to have some "humility". So I pretty much used to dread going to that class in fear that she would pick on me. My fears came true couple of days ago when she picked on me, few minutes before the class could end no less, and she humiliated me when I could not answer her question. She scoffed and said "brilliant answer!" when I stuttered through my response. At first I was quite upset, almost on the verge of tears, but later on in the day I decided that I'd teach her a lesson by doing extremely well on the midterm exam which is tomorrow. With that fire within me ignited, I set out to study the material but I soon realized that there's no possible way I could cover everything since I'm so far behind in that class, partly because of my anxiety and a large part because of my depression and sheer laziness. So after many, many frustrating days, I decided to drop the course and I feel like absolute s**t. I haven't been doing well in school for the past 2 years now and have been failing and/or barely scarping by. Just the very act of dropping that course because it was too much to handle makes me incredibly depressed. Though I've had suicidal thoughts in my mind , I know I'll never act on them but just the very thought of it scares me. In the past, say 3 years ago, I used to have a set goal as to what my future was going to look like, a stable career, a happy life and all that jazz but now it seems like there's nothing there but a big black void. I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing I try to study works for me and I just end up messing up every single time. I just wish there was some way for me to unblock this obstacle in my mind but I don't know how to . I feel like such an utter failure :|
 

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♎ Mackinac Island Fanatic
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So much stress to have to deal with. :( And such a judgemental instructor (telling shy/anxious people they need "humility"?? :| ) certainly doesn't help any. Sorry you went through that. :(

Even though you had to drop the class, it sounds like you tried really hard, which counts for something.
 

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First things first - you're not a failure. I have been in the same situation in the past where I was struggling with my course - mostly getting fails or scraping passes. I also was struggling with depression and anxiety throughout the course which made life very difficult, especially as the course got more and more difficult. But now, I have just finished a different degree and have done pretty well (I also feel a little better, although still have issues with depression and anxiety). I suppose what I'm trying to say is that just because you dropped out of a course doesn't mean you couldn't do well in another one, and that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself!
Also, that really sucks what your teacher did, they sometimes don't understand that some people find it difficult to speak in front of the class, especially when they are put on the spot - I've been made to feel inadequate in front of my whole class in school and university, so I can relate to it!
 
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