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I am realizing that I am much too dependent on other people to get me out of the house! My mother just disappeared, probably tired of me shadowing her, and I am just totally lost. I am used to asking permission to go places like the mall or bookstore, so I feel awkward leaving without telling people where my destination is. I even ask if it's OK for me to take a shower or eat! This might sound OK for what, a 14 year old?! I am going to be 20 this month! I am lacking independence, I am always worried about worrying other people, mostly my mother. She is such a sweet lady, she doesn't hold me back on purpose, it's not her fault at all. I just can't get over her worried face sitting in the kitchen window at 1am when I am coming home from a concert or something. She says she doesn't mind, but I am sure she does. I even ask her if she minds if I go for a stroll around the block... It is really hindering me from gaining independence in life, something I need to do desperately unless I am going to spend the next 20 years in my mother's house, LOL! What should I do?! I have other people offering to care for me, but the last thing I want to be is a burden on those I love.
 

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This is interesting. I know that out of love for your Mom, you want to let her off the hook, but the way she is "reacting" to you must be effecting you. I think the simplest thing to do is do the simple things without "checking". That is a good starting place. You sound like your sweet and like you're a good daughter, but you have to learn to operate independently and KNOW IT'S OKAY. That's is how you'll develop your sense of self. And it will actually help your Mom too.
 

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It sounds like its some automatic behavior you just haven't grown out of. Like you say it was the right thing to do when you were younger but now you are your own person capable of making your own decisions you just need to realize this. And I think to do this is as simple as rewording your question into a statement. So instead of asking for permission you should try just tell your mother what your doing. So instead of "Is it OK if I go for a walk" just say "I'm going for a walk" this way you have made it your decision and can feel more independent. And telling your mother where your going doesn't make you dependent on your mother its just a nice thing to do so your mother doesn't worry.
 
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