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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Everything's just falling apart at the same time and it's so ironic. I got sick of working until 9 every night and not getting home until 10 and not being able to see anyone so I'd asked them to put me on some earlier shifts at work. They finally have but now I'm on the earliest shift which means I'll have different responsibilities and MORE responsibilities and I hate being there at that time and not knowing what I'm doing and feeling like a moron. I work in a shop so I'll have to get there before it opens... I don't even know how to get in!!! and it'll involve moving all the fixtures which I don't have the strength to do... really! and organising the displays and putting the stock out which I wanted to do but since they've never let me I don't feel confident in it. Urgh why didn't I just suck it up and do lates... hmm because it was ruining my life. I'm also worried about going in the staff room at whatever time I'll get my breaks because doing the same shift everyday I got used to that routine. Mostly I'm really stressed about getting in and about what I'll have to do. And looking stupid. what else is new?

One of the main reasons I wanted to do earlier shifts was so I could see my boyfriend more and see him after work, now we've broken up, or taking it very slowly, It's complicated. This happened;
(just gonna quote myself in a nutshell)
"He said he doesn't want a relationship. Said it was really awkward and he can't stand the awkwardness between us. I was being so distant and awkward because I wanted to explain about me, I know that frustrated him, now I'm ready to explain he's saying I've pushed him away. He said he doesn't want commitment. He says it hurts that I never trusted him. So we met up to talk properly and I started to explain about my anxiety and how I take it personally when he says it's awkward because of that. I told him I think it's pretty immature that as soon as it gets a bit complicated he shuts me out, completely!! and how when I think about us I think about how things effect both of us and he just thinks about himself. So we ended it him saying should we meet up again and just try to clear the air step by step then he hugged me... And that was a few days ago and I feel so vulnerable now." I feel pathetic for some of the things I said and I haven't seen him since then so I've just been worrying about it constantly. I work with him so I'll have to see him tomorrow. And because I've asked to be on earlier shifts now I'll be on the exact same shift as him.

I don't know what to do with myself!!
I'm SO stressed out.
Just dreading tomorrow.
 

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wow. thats some heavy stuff I'm just dreading tomorrow cause its Monday.

You should look at this from the bright side this means you will get to talk to the guy and clear the air maybe even work it all out and get back together. If thats what you want?. As for the extra responsibility, the best way to learn is to get in there and do your best you may make some mistakes but thats part of learning anything. After a while you will get the hang of these new responsibilities and feel better about yourself for it.


Good luck :)
 

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I hope everything goes ok tomorrow.

I know how it is to not like a change in routine but it will be good for you eventually. Every change in routine should make the next change easier!

:)
 

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This is a good thing. If you can tackle these responsibilities you will have more confidence, more independence (within your job), and you will have to talk to your boyfriend.
It seems scary but ultimately it's very good for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I've been wanting to talk to him it's him who won't but at work anyway we can't talk properly so it'll just be awkward conversation if I see him. I regret how I acted I think I seemed to needy but **** it I am. It is what I want yeah, he said I'm trying to sort it out but he doesn't want to but after I explained a few things he said we should try and clear the air but he hasn't tried to.

I'm gonna text a friend from work and ask how things work in the morning when you start before we open. Then... I've done early shifts before a few times, not usually that early, but the last few couple of times it was just bad. I know the guy I think I'm working with so it should be ok. Just really stressed out about everything. I don't want to go to work tomorrow at all.
 

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I've been wanting to talk to him it's him who won't but at work anyway we can't talk properly so it'll just be awkward conversation if I see him. I regret how I acted I think I seemed to needy but **** it I am. It is what I want yeah, he said I'm trying to sort it out but he doesn't want to but after I explained a few things he said we should try and clear the air but he hasn't tried to.

I'm gonna text a friend from work and ask how things work in the morning when you start before we open. Then... I've done early shifts before a few times, not usually that early, but the last few couple of times it was just bad. I know the guy I think I'm working with so it should be ok. Just really stressed out about everything. I don't want to go to work tomorrow at all.
There's alot of battles you'll be facing tomorrow and can overwhelm so much that you won't want to get out of bed. They will not all be conquered in one day...you won't have failed if it is not a perfect day. (I sometimes view a not-so-hateful day as a success) You did two very good things already though..reached out and got some info to be better prepared, and have identified a calming factor (the guy you might be working with). Put a little bit of time in today for yourself..preparing your outfit, your transportation, your lunch, etc. Having something little like not finding my shoes, on a bad day, can just cause a downward spiral when I'm fragile. Stupid..but true..sigh. Is there a video clip or tv show that makes you laugh..maybe you can watch that a bit today to relieve some stress (not too much tv -zones you out). We're all pulling for you.
 

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Just think good thoughts and be positive. You'll get to see him and even though it won't be "proper" you have to make the most of your opportunity. You know you have things inside you want to come out for a long time, just tell him how you feel.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
There's alot of battles you'll be facing tomorrow and can overwhelm so much that you won't want to get out of bed. They will not all be conquered in one day...you won't have failed if it is not a perfect day. (I sometimes view a not-so-hateful day as a success) You did two very good things already though..reached out and got some info to be better prepared, and have identified a calming factor (the guy you might be working with). Put a little bit of time in today for yourself..preparing your outfit, your transportation, your lunch, etc. Having something little like not finding my shoes, on a bad day, can just cause a downward spiral when I'm fragile. Stupid..but true..sigh. Is there a video clip or tv show that makes you laugh..maybe you can watch that a bit today to relieve some stress (not too much tv -zones you out). We're all pulling for you.
Well put thanks.

I'm trying to be positive and you've all helped as always. I'm still so stressed though. I think not knowing how things work in the mornings I would feel better if I didn't know he could show up at any time. I'm scared to take my breaks I'll probably just go out, I probably won't be able to eat much this week but I guess that's another problem and I am dealing with it at least now. I've told him as much of how I feel as I could we talked for like over an hour and I told him about my nerves and anxiety but he was being so cold and I told him I don't want to talk to him when he's being so cold towards me and put myself in a vulnerable position. That's why he said we should try to clear the air but... nada.
It's just a load of little things that build up with him with work with my issues I hate this.
Urgh I'm stressed!!... Don't think about it...
 

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I'm anxious about Wednesday but at least (hopefully) I won't run into any people I know who find me awkward or whatever.

Anyway I can only imagine how you feel especially about the boyfriend thing. If he doesn't want to communicate with you and acts cold towards you, if it were me I would completely ignore the guy and want nothing to do with him but I hope things work out. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to talk to him but anyway if things don't work well then TRY not to worry about it too much (easier said than done I know).

I notice most times when I get anxious before an event like the upcoming one the event ends and at the end I wonder, "What was I so anxious about? That wasn't too bad!"

Hopefully the same will be for you but anyway good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks it didn't go that bad. Well before I got to work I got really ill and felt like I was gonna collapse at work and really woozy. Just because of being anxious. Only saw him briefly but the guy I was working with is friends with him I was like I really don't want to be here today and kind of stressing out he's like "Are you ok?" and I just said no "what's wrong!" nothing because I don't even know it's just silliness at least I'm actually getting help for this now...

I really miss him and he said before I saw him last week it won't be the same if we meet up. I'm really hurt. And I hate that he knows things about me. Some things he said just hurt so much and how he's acted. I thought we ended it on a good note last week, ish. I just know when you're nervous it can come accross as just being rude. That's how he read it... so I explained. And after how he was now I'm worried about all the things I was stressing about what was irrational maybe is now rational. I want so badly to work it out though because I miss being with him. I don't think he was expecting to see me this morning because I'm not normally there that early lol..."hi!" So anyway I left work kind of sad and frustrated is it gonna be like this all week? and next cos it's the same rota. Don't know what to do.

Now today's going to be a bad day because i just woke up really depressed I can't handle this. I wanna get rid of my phone. This guy I used to really like and nothing ever became of it at all but I'd get stressed out just looking at my phone because he wouldn't text or call suddenly and didn't reply to me when I did but that was nothing. This guy's not nothing and he used to text me like a hundred times a day. And I don't want to contact him... even though he said he wants to clear the air... in case he ignores me. I'm seeing him at work anyway but it's awkward and just really briefly anyway because we don't actually work together at the moment.
 

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I'm sorry things are not going so smoothly. I expecially HATE it when you have to work and you have to deal with stuff already. I hope things get better.. :)
 
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