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Shift Happens
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454 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I waited so long to tell this girl that i liked her not knowing if the timing was right. Well finally i just did it. I didn't want to wait anymore and i didn't want to have anymore regrets in my life. It was probably one of the hardest things i had ever done because i thought we were so compatible in a way. Even though i'm not much of a speaker and don't know what to really say at times, she was always so nice to me and even tended to flirt with me at times. Although i didn't say much around them i felt comfortable.

Well when i told her i liked her, she told me that she didn't feel the same way about me. She said she saw me as a brother instead of more than a friend. I even found out later that she liked one of my other friends. When she told me this my heart cringed. I was at a lost for words because i had invested so much time and energy thinking about what this day would feel like. I went off to take a walk by myself to shed a few tears. I always hoped for the best but deep down i was scared and reluctant to make a move because of being rejected and unloved.

I realize now that me being too "available" and "nice" made her think of me as only a friend. I'm a person that readily agrees to what someone says and rarely argues with someone. That i placate with people so that i won't be judged and that i'm on everyone's good side. This taught me a valuable lesson because i'm my own person and i have my own opinions and beliefs. I'd rather be hated for what i am than loved for whom i'm not.

I have gained so much more self-confidence despite being rejected. That i will make an effort to love myself from now on despite my weaknesses and challenges. I owe it to myself to give myself an opportunity at love. I realize that life is so much more valuable that i gave it credit for and that i should spend my time striving for improvement and self-development rather than being sad and jealous. I know now that rejection will become easier and if i find another girl down the road who i find attractive i will not spend so much time thinking and start becoming a man of action. I feel that i have finally grown up from a young adult to a man and can now take on new responsibilities that may come my way.
 

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Gentle Impulsion
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7,792 Posts
been there done that, i know how much it sucks =/ here's a hug for you! :)

*huuuuggssss!!!* :squeeze
 

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wtf
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419 Posts
Nice job. I like how you thought and reflected over this. This is ultimately a victory if you've learned something from it. I think you will be much more attractive too if you love and care about yourself first instead of molding yourself to others' wills.
 

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Geese
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20,768 Posts
grats mate, this is something I need to grow the balls to do, not so much tell someone I like them but just to approach girls in clubs and stuff and not fear the rejection like I do.
 

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Registered
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22 Posts
Kudos to you!
You took a chance, first of all, and you went all out. You didn't cower away.

And then you handled things expertly and took them as a positive experience to help you further yourself in life, instead of hold yourself back - what people usually do.
So congrats, it sounds like you really have this figured out. And it's refreshing to hear such enthusiasm and optimism and that you've boosted - not lowered - your self-confidence.

Be proud man! :)
 

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Registered
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690 Posts
Its a big step to make. And I felt pretty similar to how you feel when I did it. Your defiently taking it the right way and being able to put yourself out there is all that matters.
 

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breaking free
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2,171 Posts
Congrats on being brave and taking a huge step in life! Even though she didn't feel the same way you did, it is so great that you were able to take a negative experience and learn from it instead of dwelling on it and making yourself feel worse. I am so glad the experiece helped make you a stronger person :)
 

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Shining Phoenix
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45 Posts
I'm very proud of you, bbarn. I've been reading some of your last posts and it does seem that you're making good progress and on you're way to recovery as your status says. keep it up :).
 

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PASTAMANIA BROTHER
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441 Posts
That was a great post. Sorry it didn't work out for you, but that's just the way it goes. Asking girls out is a prime example of sticking your neck out so it takes a lot of courage, which you had. Unfortunately it doesn't always work out, as you've now experience, but in the long run it will make you stronger in the end. You'll be able to deal with rejection a lot easier (hell, you're doing great already) and the more often you try, the more likely it is you'll finally find a girl who likes you as well. So great job turning this experience into a positive one.

I really like what you said about loving yourself. It may sound like cliche BS but I think it holds a lot of water. I've been recently trying to do the same thing. Sure, I'm a tad different from a lot of people, but why is that a bad thing? I'm starting to try and embrace my "uniqueness" (for lack of better word) and really truly try to be myself. It's hard at first but I definitely think I can get something worth while out of it. I already feel more confident when I talk to people. Either they'll like me or they won't. But it's a waste of time trying to bend yourself to everyone's will. It just doesn't work.
 

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Wow, You took a negative feeling and learned a life lesson to be yourself. :clap
 

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Shift Happens
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454 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thank you all soo much. It means a lot to me to hear very positive feedback. There are days when i am down and negative but that's understandable; everyone has those days. I just feel that i can shine through from inside out. I still put up some walls and barriers to protect myself but i have found people who i can confide in and tell things to them about. When I isolated myself i felt like there was a whole world going on without me in it, i just wanted to live again.
 

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Banned
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768 Posts
bbarn, great job in finding the courage to try. If you hadn't you'd still be wasting time 'thinking' about it. I think its great that you learned that in the future you shouldn't spend so much time thinking about a girl, but rather taking action.

I learned that lesson the hard way as well. I was your same age before I finally got the courage to tell a girl I liked her. I was about 25 and in college, and told two women I liked them (about a year apart) and was rejected by both. It was very hard to take, but I learned a couple of things from that.....

1) don't waste too much time 'working up' to asking a girl out. Or being her friend just because you 'like her'.

2) don't let yourself develop feelings for a girl you work with or go to school with. These two women were in ALL of my classes in college, as we shared the same major. So after I told them I liked them, there was always this uncomfortable 'thing' between us, it ruined any chance of having a friendship with them. And I REALLY needed to be friends with my classmates at that point in my life. It was hard to even do anything as a group with my other classmates as I would have to be around the two women. It was BIG mistake I hope to never repeat again.
 

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Banned
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309 Posts
wow, i admire your bravery :) I"ve never had the courage to tell someone i liked them, not once!:b
 

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Banned
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139 Posts
well I never had gf and I'm probably 20 years older than you. But have to say I admire your bravery. Maybe move on and keep busy with something. If you put it behind you, she may come back to you i.e. see how you're doing. Even if she doesn't so what? you moved on.

yeah, had that crush in 11th grade too. now I wonder what I ever saw in that <bleep> girl. I'm not even attracted to under <=21. feels creepy. i guess i'm ooold.
 

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Registered
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Yeah, I’ve been rejected in the same way a few times actually. It always sucks and I don't think there s anyway around it, but I also think there are ways to feel better about the situation as well. One thing that helps me is telling myself that there are plenty more fish out there for me to catch, so to speak. I think the worst part about the whole ordeal is it sucks so much out of you that you are now walking around like a sad puppy, which really sucks. I still need to work on just letting go as soon as possible and not taking it so personally because it really affects things if I don't and makes stuff that much harder. Truthfully, I can sit here all day and say that this stuff doesn’t hurt but it does. I still think there should be a better way and I think it's achievable -- that’s kind of my goal.
 

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Banned
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347 Posts
That *****... Nah, I'm jp :)

Hey man, everyone gets "rejected." It happens, you took a shot, it didn't fall. Hopefully the next one will, but you know if you keep attempting, some shots will fall no doubt. So keep your head up boi, you did pretty good. Better than just suppressing those emotions and it was good practice, if you can shake this off, then the next time you feel like tellin a chick you like her, it'll be so much easier.
 

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Registered
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1,221 Posts
Yeah man, I agree. You did really well. Not every guy can man up and really express his feelings for a woman like that. It takes real courage to do that, especially for those of us with SA.

I envy you, actually. When I was around your age and I was rejected like that, I swore off women for about 3 years and isolated myself to the point that I felt terrible. Go get 'em, man.
 

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Registered
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90 Posts
Congrats. Rejection is so hard, and I am currently going through this myself. You seemed to have learned from the situation where as I can just hold my head down in despair. Women love to lead men on like that, and say they hust see them as friends, not realizing how unmasculating that is. Makes me feel like a eunuch.
 

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Father, Son & Holyzilla
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7,386 Posts
Props man. You handled it how I wish to handle my rejections. Also very insightful post one that I will definitely keep in mind in the future
 
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