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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
There have been some, I'll say disturbing, things said about how people on here would view a child that wasn't biologically "theirs". (Even weirder is that most of those were men which makes no sense to me at all).

So, I guess I want to get a discussion of this topic, things like
-do parents love their kids that aren't biologically theirs as much as ones that are
-if not, why not? and if males wouldn't then especially why not, what would be the mechanism causing that?
-if you want kids, how would you personally feel about an adopted child vs a biological one, and why?
 

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I have thought about adoption before. Yes people love their adopted children like they are their own. That seems like a ridiculous question to me, but all I've seen are loving parents that have adopted not abusive ones so I can't speak on that side.
 

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My cousin was adopted from China and I love her the same as all my other cousins. I think it's very possible to love someone as much as your biological child.

I've always wanted to adopt two or three kids. I don't believe it matters whether my kids are biological or not.
 

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Me and my Dad where actually talking about this over breakfast today lol. Idk I partly think his somewhat right with white rich celebrities adopting black babies/other raced babies. Then my mom came in and she started talking about "love" and how it's not important etc but idk. I got mixed feelings about this.

What I agree with my Dad on this subject:

1) Rich white celebrities adopting black babies seems a little racist. We both agreed that while is fine what we are waiting for is for a rich black family to adopt a little white girl and see the reaction of the world to this (we both bet it would be outrage).

What I agree with my mom on this subject:

1) I think humans are capable of "love" and seeing beyond race/blood.
Ya know, I see your point with this post. However, I knew a couple who wanted to adopt so so badly. They were on waiting lists all over. They wanted a little girl. That was pretty much it for their requirements, preferably under school age. Eventually, they got a phone call saying there was a child available. From somewhere in Africa. She was about 7 and had to be adopted with her little sister. So.... they were both adopted. Now this white couple has a couple of African (American) kids in tow.
 

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My brother's neighbors are white and they adopted a African-American child (you know, he might be mulatto), and they seem to love him a whole lot.
 

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I wouldn't completely reject the idea of adopting but I'd prefer much more having a biological kid, of course. However, I admire very much those who choose to adopt. I think that's one of the most admirable things someone can do. I sympathize very much as well with the kids that don't have families of their own, so adopting one is an act of incredible heart. I'm not talking about celebrities though, somehow I feel they adopt for other reasons.
 

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The problem with adoption is the double standard for validating parenting versus those with the biological capability to have children. I was with a woman who couldn't conceive and we looked into both international and domestic adoption options and couldn't believe how difficult (and expensive) the process is considering how much effort goes into vetting adoptive parents.

Sure, you don't want a child to be snatched up by a sicko, but anything short of someone who is rich, lives on a farm, with horses, duckies, and sheep go through the ringer in open adoptions.

Why should some 16yo crack addict with a functioning biology, by default, get to be a parent when others can't?

That should be part of the discussion, not whether you can "love" an adopted child as much as your own.
 

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Me and my Dad were actually talking about this over breakfast today lol. Idk I partly think his somewhat right with white rich celebrities adopting black babies/other raced babies. Then my mom came in and she started talking about "love" and how it's not important etc but idk. I got mixed feelings about this.

What I agree with my Dad on this subject:

1) Rich white celebrities adopting black babies seems a little racist. We both agreed that while is fine what we are waiting for is for a rich black family to adopt a little white girl and see the reaction of the world to this (we both bet it would be outrage).

What I agree with my mom on this subject:

1) I think humans are capable of "love" and seeing beyond race/blood.
People make a big deal out of people adopting children from other backgrounds to themselves for sure. Here's a case of a well off black couple who adopted a white girl:

http://www.newsweek.com/what-adopting-white-girl-taught-one-black-family-77335

^ that actually does mention briefly a famous black couple (some American footballer I think and his wife) who adopted a 'Hispanic' or 'white' child (depending on the source you read about it), and how interestingly they received criticism from certain black people for not adopting a black child.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I understand that celebrity adoption and how screwed up our adoption system is are interesting topics, but I really had a pretty specific theme/question in mind for this thread.
 

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For some people having a child is about creating a new person that is biologically similar to themselves. But those people aren't usually the ones who adopt kids. A lot of people are motivated by a desire to take care of another person, and those people would love their children the same regardless of whether they were biologically related.

I don't know that I want children at all, but if I were raising a kid it wouldn't be especially important to me whether it's biologically mine. Within a few generations my descendants won't be appreciably closer to me genetically than anybody else anyway.

As for why men would care whether it's their biological child, the answer is the same reason as most women. I know you're making the distinction because women give birth and men can't, but for some people the appeal is the continuation of their DNA. Remember that even women who use surrogate mothers to carry a pregnancy to term generally provide the egg for the pregnancy themselves. Some people care about their kids being genetically similar, some don't. It's not really a gender thing. Although again, those people normally wouldn't be adopting kids in the first place.
 

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I would love them as my own

This thread title caught my attention because I've been seriously pondering and considering adoption later in life when I become stable financially and otherwise. I have always been told by my mom that if I adopt, they will never truly be "mine" and that they will never truly be family. She also finds it weird that I want to adopt because there's nothing stopping me from being able to reproduce my own children.

I've known several friends who have been adopted or have known others who have been adopted. I want to adopt even if they are not babies. In fact, having children, youth, young adults who are self-sufficient would be great.

I often use the comparison of this to how I feel about my pets including my dog. I didn't give birth to her, but she has such a huge huge place in my heart. I consider her to be like my baby. If I were to adopt, it would take some time to acquaint for myself as well as the kids being adopted. But more importantly than all this fluff about non-biological relationships, I think that our openness and mindset is what matters more than anything. I just want to have kids to love, and call my own family.

My own family is all of the same flesh and blood, as my mom would call it, but there is no other place that I've been hurt as much as I have been here at home. Flesh and blood is really not that big of a deal to me. Friends, acquaintances and even strangers have helped me heal in many ways whereas my blood-related family have done nothing because they don't know how to deal with issues without more abusing and throwing others under the bus.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Because that's the way it is. A man's lineage is his empire. Rationalizations leading to other conclusions are merely annoying background noise.
I just don't see how it matters? You can't look at a kid and know your dna is in it. If your wife lied to you you'd never know and would go your whole life with no idea. So it seems like it's pretty irrational to care about that.
 

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Because that's the way it is. A man's lineage is his empire. Rationalizations leading to other conclusions are merely annoying background noise.
At the end of the day, there's only one "empire", and that's the human empire.

Let's be real. It's 2014. Humanity is overpopulated.
There's 7 goddamn billion of us.

I think having kids these days is selfish, especially when there are so many unfortunate children, homeless people, etc.
 

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I just don't see how it matters? You can't look at a kid and know your dna is in it. If your wife lied to you you'd never know and would go your whole life with no idea. So it seems like it's pretty irrational to care about that.
As do all opinions seem irrational to those who don't agree. If you want to raise another woman's kid, go for it. I don't want to raise another man's child, so I won't.
 

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At the end of the day, there's only one "empire", and that's the human empire.

Let's be real. It's 2014. Humanity is overpopulated.
There's 7 goddamn billion of us.

I think having kids these days is selfish, especially when there are so many unfortunate children, homeless people, etc.
Another opinion that doesn't matter, because it's not mine. Go adopt if you want to, I don't care. Have fun.
 
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