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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Everyday I have thoughts of death, and I picture myself getting murdered or shot in the back or something. Last time I did it, I actually felt pain on the part of my back of where I visualized getting shot. I can't stop thinking about death. I won't kill myself, but I always picture in my mind and have fantasies of getting harmed and dying.

Does anyone else have this problem?
 

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Yes, specifically getting harmed. I sometimes wish I was confined to a hospital bed. There I would be sheltered and taken care of. I would get positive attention for an ailment that was likely demonstrably visible whereas now my psychological ailments are not. When I do open up to people now, they are not able to relate nor do they change their behavior towards me. Even though it is not necessarily their fault, it still irks you when you aren't getting that intimate attention of being able to relate to someone.

Anyway, in a hospital bed, expectations would go down. I'm next to nothing now, but am supposed to be productive. It's better to be next to nothing and not expected to be anything anyway. I and others around me would cut me more slack. Well that's one of my dirty little secrets of which I've never told anyone of in real life, not even my therapist or father. So what makes getting harmed a fantasy scenario worth dwelling on for you OP?
 
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