[Miserable At Best]

So I have had a lot of trouble putting a name to my specific type of Anxiety just because it is so specific. I don't get anxiety when it comes to being with people, in fact I am extremely outgoing. I don't have anxiety when it comes to being in front of a crowd or being the center of attention. I have no problem giving speeches and presentations in front of others. Frankly, my anxiety revolves around one specific fear.

Getting sick in public.

It's extremely embarrassing and nobody knows about it but my mom and dad and twin sister (who is extremely insensitive to it and doesn't understand it at all.) Basically this one fear keeps me in the house at all times. School is even a struggle to get through. I can't remember the last time I went through a whole day without having a panic attack.

Because of my fear I have had a couple other mental disorders manifest. I have horrible eating habits. I can only eat when I am at home and not expecting to have to leave. This means I don't eat breakfast because its too close to when the bus comes, and I don't eat lunch because I am usually at school when it's time for lunch. I only eat when I get home from school and therefore pretty much am living off of 1.5 meals a day. It stinks and I have actually had people think I was anorexic. The thing is I could care less about my weight, I am just scared that if I eat I will become sick (I.E Puke, Diarrhea). I also pick constantly at my skin without even realizing it. This is a really bad nervous habit and my entire upper arms are scarred. I also bite my skin around my nails to the point where they are almost constantly red, swollen, or bleeding. I am also a little OCD because I will not go anywhere that doesn't have a bathroom (just in case I get sick). This means I don't go to the beach, I don't go on hikes, I don't go on field trips or long car rides. I limit myself to 'safe zones' which is pretty much just my home and sometimes school.

Since my anxiety revolves around being sick, it makes life especially hard. Mainly because when I get anxious, I actually do get sick. (I get nauseous and often times have to go to the bathroom a lot). So therefore, its a really bad cycle that I can't stop. I have been struggling with this since I was 4 and it has always been about the same fear, getting sick. I can't remember any trigger that might have caused all this. My mom has an anxiety disorder as well but it is not as bad as mine.

I am happy that I have been able to identify what exactly my fears are and what triggers my panic attacks. The only thing is I can't stop my anxiety and I live my life battling it every day. I never leave the house and I wish I could because I am a very social person. I love to party and to hang out with friends. It seems like I have all this potential but its going to waste because I am being held back by my disorder...

Discuss:
-Any Phobia's you have
-Any other disorders you have
-Do you feel like you're a waste of a person because your S.A makes you stay home all the time?
-Are you embarrassed by your S.A? I am extremely embarrassed by it and none of my friends know.

Sorry for the long post.

 

[solitarymonkey]

quite a nasty spiral you have there. are you getting any medical treatment at all? did i read somewhere something about prozac? or was that someone else?
anyway, i'm quite textbook SA. my main shizzle is being looked down upon by the public in various ways, and have therefore been spiraling due to this. been single for 2 and a half years, which makes me afraid of being alone forever (sad, i know), which makes me worry about myself physically and as a person, which then sets the anxiety off, and i never feel good enough for anyone i see (haha, talk to people i like? in real life. stop pulling my leg! it tickles!) and my depression then gets worse. it's not just getting a girlfriend. it's feeling worthy of being friends with people. or helping people out.
being afraid of being sick in public really cant be good. any idea what might have set it off? or you got any ideas how you might overcome this? such a pain in the backside when your brain wont listen to your rationalizations about how getting scared MAKES you sick, so if you didnt worry about it, you'll be fine, huh?
:hug

 

[yellowpaper]

I have a phobia of throwing up in public too. I'm afraid to THROW UP, period. I haven't thrown up in 10 years. I'm afraid to drink alcohol, because I might throw up. I have to leave class a lot, to go to the bathroom and try to burp or something. I don't know... I think I do have stomach issues... I have acid reflux problems too. But it just gets so much worse because of the anxiety. It's horrible... I HATE TALKING ABOUT THIS, because I just drank a bunch of lemonade =/ I was going to go out of town tomorrow to see relatives, but the fact that I knooow I'll get an upset stomach 500 times while out, and anxiety of seeing family in general, I'm probably not going. I've always had this throwing up anxiety, and it's randomly worse at times.

Other than that phobia, I'm also afraid of passing out, which kind of correlates with the throwing up thing. I go through phases with that. Which brings me to my other phobias, blood/needles/getting blood drawn, which correlates to throwing up and passing out! I'm also still too afraid to drive on highways. That's about it!

Oh, and like you, I schedule my food around my stomach. From 8th grade to 12th grade, I didn't eat til I came home. Nothing. Now, in college, I eat before class, but it MUST be a banana. I find that they're easy to digest (they generally are supposed to be easy on the stomach for most people). If it's a later class, I make sure I ate whatever a few hours prior, and hopefully didn't get too full.

I don't feel like a waste of a person, I just feel like I'm wasting my life.

I am embarrassed of my SA, and sometimes I'm ashamed at how often I visit this site. I'd never let anyone know I visit this site.

 

[solitarymonkey]

banana's just rock. period.
:banana

 

[OKdOut]

Emitophobia (the fear of throwing up)

 

[Keirelle]

Emitophobia (the fear of throwing up)

Yeah I have that. The last time I got sick, it was food poisoning and it had been the first time in 13 years I had thrown up, and it has been another 4 years since then. I cry when I throw up, big loud sobs because the loss of control is so hard for me, feeling like i can't get air, can't make it stop, etc.

When I was pregnant with my son everyone was amazed I had no morning sickness, but I truly believe my body just doesn't allow it.

When I get the stomach flu, I feel nauseous but I cannot throw up. It just won't happen, even if I feel so bad I sometimes wish it would. Sucks when I am at work and get the 'stomach flu' because my boss used to think I was lying just to go home since I don't actually vomit (I worked in a preschool, so when the other teachers are all going home puking and I am just saying I feel like that but not being sick, well... I can see why they might not believe it).

Yeah, it's a huge fear for me...

 

[yellowpaper]

The only reason I haven't thrown up in 10 years, aka half my life ago, is because of my extreme WILLPOWER, lol. Before that, it was about 5 years. Everytime I talk about it I think I'm jinxing it.

 

[shocksleeper]

I'm really sorry about your situation.

I would say I definitely am much more of a GAD person than a SAD person, but social anxiety can definitely stem from generalized anxiety can it not?

I am also very depressed, I have obsessive/compulsive behavior that I wouldn't say is OCD, but related to my anxiety. I have PTSD which could actually just be the underlying cause for all of this.