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So I have had a lot of trouble putting a name to my specific type of Anxiety just because it is so specific. I don't get anxiety when it comes to being with people, in fact I am extremely outgoing. I don't have anxiety when it comes to being in front of a crowd or being the center of attention. I have no problem giving speeches and presentations in front of others. Frankly, my anxiety revolves around one specific fear.
Getting sick in public.
It's extremely embarrassing and nobody knows about it but my mom and dad and twin sister (who is extremely insensitive to it and doesn't understand it at all.) Basically this one fear keeps me in the house at all times. School is even a struggle to get through. I can't remember the last time I went through a whole day without having a panic attack.
Because of my fear I have had a couple other mental disorders manifest. I have horrible eating habits. I can only eat when I am at home and not expecting to have to leave. This means I don't eat breakfast because its too close to when the bus comes, and I don't eat lunch because I am usually at school when it's time for lunch. I only eat when I get home from school and therefore pretty much am living off of 1.5 meals a day. It stinks and I have actually had people think I was anorexic. The thing is I could care less about my weight, I am just scared that if I eat I will become sick (I.E Puke, Diarrhea). I also pick constantly at my skin without even realizing it. This is a really bad nervous habit and my entire upper arms are scarred. I also bite my skin around my nails to the point where they are almost constantly red, swollen, or bleeding. I am also a little OCD because I will not go anywhere that doesn't have a bathroom (just in case I get sick). This means I don't go to the beach, I don't go on hikes, I don't go on field trips or long car rides. I limit myself to 'safe zones' which is pretty much just my home and sometimes school.
Since my anxiety revolves around being sick, it makes life especially hard. Mainly because when I get anxious, I actually do get sick. (I get nauseous and often times have to go to the bathroom a lot). So therefore, its a really bad cycle that I can't stop. I have been struggling with this since I was 4 and it has always been about the same fear, getting sick. I can't remember any trigger that might have caused all this. My mom has an anxiety disorder as well but it is not as bad as mine.
I am happy that I have been able to identify what exactly my fears are and what triggers my panic attacks. The only thing is I can't stop my anxiety and I live my life battling it every day. I never leave the house and I wish I could because I am a very social person. I love to party and to hang out with friends. It seems like I have all this potential but its going to waste because I am being held back by my disorder...
Discuss:
-Any Phobia's you have
-Any other disorders you have
-Do you feel like you're a waste of a person because your S.A makes you stay home all the time?
-Are you embarrassed by your S.A? I am extremely embarrassed by it and none of my friends know.
Sorry for the long post.
Getting sick in public.
It's extremely embarrassing and nobody knows about it but my mom and dad and twin sister (who is extremely insensitive to it and doesn't understand it at all.) Basically this one fear keeps me in the house at all times. School is even a struggle to get through. I can't remember the last time I went through a whole day without having a panic attack.
Because of my fear I have had a couple other mental disorders manifest. I have horrible eating habits. I can only eat when I am at home and not expecting to have to leave. This means I don't eat breakfast because its too close to when the bus comes, and I don't eat lunch because I am usually at school when it's time for lunch. I only eat when I get home from school and therefore pretty much am living off of 1.5 meals a day. It stinks and I have actually had people think I was anorexic. The thing is I could care less about my weight, I am just scared that if I eat I will become sick (I.E Puke, Diarrhea). I also pick constantly at my skin without even realizing it. This is a really bad nervous habit and my entire upper arms are scarred. I also bite my skin around my nails to the point where they are almost constantly red, swollen, or bleeding. I am also a little OCD because I will not go anywhere that doesn't have a bathroom (just in case I get sick). This means I don't go to the beach, I don't go on hikes, I don't go on field trips or long car rides. I limit myself to 'safe zones' which is pretty much just my home and sometimes school.
Since my anxiety revolves around being sick, it makes life especially hard. Mainly because when I get anxious, I actually do get sick. (I get nauseous and often times have to go to the bathroom a lot). So therefore, its a really bad cycle that I can't stop. I have been struggling with this since I was 4 and it has always been about the same fear, getting sick. I can't remember any trigger that might have caused all this. My mom has an anxiety disorder as well but it is not as bad as mine.
I am happy that I have been able to identify what exactly my fears are and what triggers my panic attacks. The only thing is I can't stop my anxiety and I live my life battling it every day. I never leave the house and I wish I could because I am a very social person. I love to party and to hang out with friends. It seems like I have all this potential but its going to waste because I am being held back by my disorder...
Discuss:
-Any Phobia's you have
-Any other disorders you have
-Do you feel like you're a waste of a person because your S.A makes you stay home all the time?
-Are you embarrassed by your S.A? I am extremely embarrassed by it and none of my friends know.
Sorry for the long post.