I'm josh, I'm 20 years old and I don't have social anxiety I'm quite the opposite. It's just every time I try talking to people and being social they all ignore me and just disregard my existence. For years I longed to be apart of something like a large group, I tried in middle school and high school even recently, but I'm the pariah. The only way I can think about trying to belong is joining my friend Miguel and my friend Juan into joining the Latin Kings. No I'm not a wana be banger, it's just everybody and even my parents and siblings just don't pay any attention to me when I try talking and being friendly. I did have some friends, but they just used me. I now just want to hurt and kill people in the Kings. So far everyone just failed me and I don't know what to do or where to go, I grew up in the judicial system with killers, bangers, rapists and thieves. The age 10 to 18 years old where my home in prison/jail. I only connect with criminals, killers and thieves (preferably hispanic because I'm an Arroyo) every girl I ever was with just used me for sex, my car, and my money. I am smart but I don't have enough motivation or confidence to pass the GED, I had to drop out because I shot up heroine, snorted cocaine/meth to cope with being alone with no friends. I only have like 3 but they're bangers and drug dealers, they have been trying to enlist me into the LK but I have refused trying to find a large group that's not bangers. I drink and cut myself when I hear about movies like harold and kumar, jay and silent bob, any highschool buddy movies, it just makes me want to put my gun to my head and pull the triggar.