[Perfectionist]

But Elise, you say, cats are adorable! Cats are loveable! Cats make your life complete!

Not these cats.

A relative of mine is away for the summer, and offered to let me stay in her fancy shmancy apartment if I would look after her two cats, Jack and Will. I have never owned a cat before, but of course, I readily agreed. How hard could it be?

I'm two weeks in and the cats have totally exhausted me. They are demons. Demon cats I say.

First off, they are feral and are terrified of humans. Second off, they both have serious health issues and require several pills two to three times a day. Third off, they hate me. Pill-time is a 30 minute extravaganza THREE TIMES A DAY usually involving tears, scratches, and the knocking over of numerous chairs.

Jack has a heart problem and if he doesn't get his pills for a couple days his heart will basically explode. Will has some sort of cat colitis and if he doesn't get his pills throws up and poops all over the apartment. Stress also induces a reaction, so if Will DOES manage to get his pills the pill-extravaganza was so stressful he throws up and poops all over the apartment anyways.

In the last two weeks, either Jack or Will has:
-knocked over their litter boxes about 8 times
-thrown up on the living room rug
-thrown up under the kitchen table
-thrown up in a plant holder
-pooped on the shower mat
-pooped on every other carpeted area in the house
-pooped about 12 inches from their litter box
-shredded one of my shirts
-eaten part of a house plant and then thrown it up
-scratched through a pair of my jeans
-woken me up daily at 4am

Oh, and have I mentioned, I HAVE DISCOVERED I AM ALLERGIC TO CATS.

I'm telling you guys, this next month is going to be brutal. Heart pills. Liquid potassium pipettes. Pregnazone pills. Four different types of hypoallergenic food. Coughing. Sneezing. Runny nose. Cat vomit. Cat poop. GYARGH.

Help me.

 

[sssig]

Chloroform them?

 

[coldmorning]

Wow, that's bad. I had something similar where a couple I know went on vacation last year and asked me to watch their two dogs. They are two cute little guys who generally seem to like me. And I get to stay in their house and raid their refrigerator (along with some other perks). But food is pretty strong motivation for me so I agreed.

Well one of the guys apparently has a bladder problem. It's especially bad when their owners are not around because he apparently is very anxious around new people (like me). I mean this poor fellow was peeing every 10 minutes (as well as pooping on occasion). The other dog was hyper and kept barking at strangers (though not at me). And then I had to walk them 5 times a day which I thought would be good exposure therapy for my anxiety around neighbors (don't ask). Well it wasn't.. I got awful anxiety having to see the neighbors. And the dogs would not stop trying to attack other dogs making it worse.

Certainly not as bad as your situation, I think. And it was only for two weeks in my case. But I can sympathize with your situation.

 

[millenniumman75]

If cats try to eat house plants, their stomachs are irritated and they will eventually vomit.

Cats need to be put on leashes. You can grab the leash and not worry about getting scratched. Hissed at? Hiss right back at 'em and HARD! We're talkin' almost to drooling hissing! Let them know who's boss.

Litter box? Leash them up near the box so they can poo in the litter. You shouldn't have to be picking up the little turds' turds! :lol

Seriously, cats drive me crazy too. My stepcat was nice to me the last time he came down so that was a surprise. He would always hiss - bad breath and all.

 

[shyvr6]

Sorry to hear. Have you tried putting the pills in their food? Maybe give them something different from dry food like tuna for example and chop the pill up and put it in the tuna.

 

[MaidMarian]

Maybe you could try wrapping the cat in a towel when you give him his pills. That way he can't scratch you. It sounds to me like your friend should have put these guys in a cat pension while she is away. Best of luck to you for the rest of your cat guardianship.

 

[Amelia]

:lol Sounds like fun. They sound like these cats: http://www.offthemark.com/cat.htm

More evil here: http://www.mycathatesyou.com/

 

[David1976]

wow... I can see getting a cat to take a pill can be tough... they do have these things called pill pockets... you put the pill in them and maybe they will eat it.. I hope they are going to pay you for this...

 

[Equisgurl]

are you giving them pills or capsules? you can get a pill crusher at any pharmacy and just mix it in with some tuna or salmon, I have yet to meet a cat who doesent like tuna.

 

[millenniumman75]

I would probably do what Equisgurl said. I know I have heard of dog's heart pills in chewy beef jerky like flavor.

 

[shyvr6]

Why does she have feral cats anyways? Did she find them or did she never handle them when they were young?