[SourD]

I don't know how you guys do it; what with your families thinking of SA as an actual problem, trying to be there for you and be your emotional backbone. It sickens me. (not really, lol)

Last night I was a little tipsy, sitting at the kitchen table having a conversation with my mom. She was going on about the usual stuff, how I need to get a job, how I need to make friends, how I need to do this and do that in order to get this done. After she asked me "you're not happy with yourself at all, are you?" we got onto the subject of SA and she was very quick to roll her eyes and insist "there's nothing wrong with you!" That just killed me, immediately I was in tears and she just sat there and looked at me like I was so f'ing stupid. There's nothing wrong with me. No, I'm only about to turn 18 and have no real high school experiences to show for it. I haven't had a boyfriend or a real, close friend since the sixth grade. My anxiety is so bad I can't even eat in front of my sisters boyfriend. I'm doing it all by choice though because I just love spending every single weekend sitting in my bedroom on the computer instead of being out there partying it up making memories like everyone else. I love thinking that I'm the ugliest girl to ever walk the earth, that I'm unworthy of... god, everything. There's nothing wrong, I'm fine and dandy.

She continued to say that I WANT something to be wrong with me. That I'm just HOPING that I have some kind of psychological disorder. Do you ever get this from anyone? There's nothing wrong with you, besides the fact that you want to be crazy.


How do you explain SA to someone?
I want someone to understand! I want someone to talk to. I'm sick of only having myself to lean on when I'm the last person I want to be around. Not to play the victim card or anything but everyone has someone to talk to. When I try to talk things go horribly wrong.

I love you too, mom.

 

[bobthebuilder]

She continued to say that I WANT something to be wrong with me. That I'm just HOPING that I have some kind of psychological disorder. Do you ever get this from anyone? There's nothing wrong with you, besides the fact that you want to be crazy.

I havent actually talked to anyone about it, but im fairly sure this is the response id get. Which I think is kinda ironic, seeing as how pretty much all the kids in my family have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD/ some sort of 'learning disability'. The problem is, i think, that people without SA, cant really comprehend how somebody could have it. Being social is just an innate ability for them, something they dont actually try, just kinda DO naturally.
I feel the same way when people say they are not good with computers. It comes to me so naturally and simply, everything just makes sense and i cant understand how so many ppl have so many problems with the simplest and most basic things.

But if you want to talk to someone like your mom, you may need to try a bit of a round about approach. instead of saying 'I have social anxiety' like its a disease, tell her the exact problems. Specify what causes you anxiety, and how its debilitating. If i were to talk to someone about my SA, i would just start by saying i dont understand how to interact with people. it does not make sense me, and seeing as how ive spent 12yrs in school around alot of people and still dont have a clue on how to deal with people, i have a problem.

 

[Anon7]

I don't know how you guys do it; what with your families thinking of SA as an actual problem, trying to be there for you and be your emotional backbone. It sickens me. (not really, lol)

Last night I was a little tipsy, sitting at the kitchen table having a conversation with my mom. She was going on about the usual stuff, how I need to get a job, how I need to make friends, how I need to do this and do that in order to get this done. After she asked me "you're not happy with yourself at all, are you?" we got onto the subject of SA and she was very quick to roll her eyes and insist "there's nothing wrong with you!" That just killed me, immediately I was in tears and she just sat there and looked at me like I was so f'ing stupid. There's nothing wrong with me. No, I'm only about to turn 18 and have no real high school experiences to show for it. I haven't had a boyfriend or a real, close friend since the sixth grade. My anxiety is so bad I can't even eat in front of my sisters boyfriend. I'm doing it all by choice though because I just love spending every single weekend sitting in my bedroom on the computer instead of being out there partying it up making memories like everyone else. I love thinking that I'm the ugliest girl to ever walk the earth, that I'm unworthy of... god, everything. There's nothing wrong, I'm fine and dandy.

She continued to say that I WANT something to be wrong with me. That I'm just HOPING that I have some kind of psychological disorder. Do you ever get this from anyone? There's nothing wrong with you, besides the fact that you want to be crazy.


How do you explain SA to someone?
I want someone to understand! I want someone to talk to. I'm sick of only having myself to lean on when I'm the last person I want to be around. Not to play the victim card or anything but everyone has someone to talk to. When I try to talk things go horribly wrong.

I love you too, mom.

That sucks. I suppose some people react like that.

What you need to do is find out what you really want out of life. You're focusing so hard on what you're missing out on in highschool, and that's what's making you depressed.

The truth is, you don't really care about those people, but you want them to care about you. That's it. You don't have to change how you feel about them, but you gotta change how you want them to view you.

What can you do that you actually have control over? Don't do anything because of the results you hope to get, do it because it feels good.

For example, sometimes it feels good to be nice to someone, even if they are rude back. At times like these, you are in a good mindset, you don't care about how you are viewed by that person, but instead you just wanted to do something that YOU thought was nice.

I think you should start by trying to get a job. You could definitely do that.

Make sure not to focus on your expectations though, and go in with more of a blank mind and just do what feels good in the interview.

Life is just a series of sensations, isn't it? It's all about what you feel that determines how good a life you lead, so go do what feels good (emotionally of course, don't do drugs).

Your goal is that, even if you have thousands of friends, you don't determine your actions based on your ego (your desire to be liked/loved/respected) and instead on what you think you SHOULD do.

Most of all... BE EASY ON YOURSELF. Don't be too critical of anything, keep a relaxed mind, and don't let outside negative energy drag you down.

 

[softconcrete]

sounds like my mom. i told her this about 4 years ago and she told me its all in my head. it doesnt make anything better. i havent tried telling her since then and i havent gotten help either.

 

[ItemEleven]

Sounds like my mum too. She supports me but doesn't think there's anything really wrong with me. She keeps on telling me to get a job and find friends. She has told me on several occasions that I am lazy cos I don't want a job and don't go out.

 

[mrfixit]

i once tried to talk about my problems with my older sister. at the time i didn't know i had SA i just knew it wasn't normal for me to just not go out, avoid people, etc..etc.. i tried explaining to her how i felt. she told me that i was just making excuses not to change. that i was doing it so people would feel sorry for me. :blank now that i look back i guess she didn't/doesn't know about SA but she definitely tried to say it was my fault.

 

[lovinlea]

i try to talk to my mom about SA sometimes, and she says that i'm just being a coward.

she tells me i need to face my fears... OF COURSE i face it. every time i have to talk to people, i'm facing it.

the only person i have to talk to about SA is my counselor. she's the only one i know that actually thinks it exists.

 

[SourD]

I don't understand people who don't understand people :um You'd think that even though these people don't have SA they'd be able to at least grasp the concept. But everyone sees what they want to see. Just ignore it and it will go away, it's all in your head. You're just a little over sensitive. If these people love us you'd think they'd... ugh, whatever, I don't even know what I'm trying to say.

Thanks for all of your replies. I agree I need to take the first step and get a job. That's conflicting though because that would mean facing my fear of.. well, people. and meeting them. I'm going to do it though, I have to. "If it aint broken don't fix it" doesn't apply here as my life is like a friggen broken record. I have to fix it, I just don't know if I can. Sorry for the rant, I'm kind of thinking aloud here.

 

[jbentzen55]

l

 

[jinxu]

How do you explain SA to someone?
I want someone to understand! I want someone to talk to. I'm sick of only having myself to lean on when I'm the last person I want to be around. Not to play the victim card or anything but everyone has someone to talk to. When I try to talk things go horribly wrong.

I can emphasize with your situation. My parent basically said the same things to me. It sounds like your parents are unwilling to be supportive of you which is exactly what my parents were liked. What helped me was realizing that my parent are never gonna understand and I have to take responsibility for myself if I want to get better. What I did was I started doing some research on how to help myself and eventually stumbled upon CBT as a method to cure myself. I'm glad to say that it really did help me a lot and it may help you too.

I know how it must seem like to you how life sucks. You want people to understand and sympathize about your situation. But unlucky for me, I didn't get any of that. I got little support from my friends or relatives. I think it would've been better if I did, but that's life. Best advice I can give you is to take responsibility, realize that SA is both treatable and curable, and to seek therapy.

 

[odd_one_out]

This is a very common parental response, SourD; I'm sorry you're experiencing this too.

Many parents prefer to remain in denial rather than face the possibilty their son or daughter may have significant difficulties. I experienced the same thing in my teens, and my parents have left me to deal with my problems alone ever since.

I suspect many parents do not wish to take on the responsibility of properly supporting someone who may have a diagnosable disorder and/or, in my case, disability. There may also be an element of guilt, making them suspect they might have played a part in their child's current state, which they do not wish to confront even though it may be untrue.

There is almost no way someone who has not experienced an anxiety disorder can understand it, especially considering the general lack awareness and dearth of information available.

 

[socially inept]

I don't know how you guys do it; what with your families thinking of SA as an actual problem, trying to be there for you and be your emotional backbone. It sickens me. (not really, lol)

Last night I was a little tipsy, sitting at the kitchen table having a conversation with my mom. She was going on about the usual stuff, how I need to get a job, how I need to make friends, how I need to do this and do that in order to get this done. After she asked me "you're not happy with yourself at all, are you?" we got onto the subject of SA and she was very quick to roll her eyes and insist "there's nothing wrong with you!" That just killed me, immediately I was in tears and she just sat there and looked at me like I was so f'ing stupid. There's nothing wrong with me. No, I'm only about to turn 18 and have no real high school experiences to show for it. I haven't had a boyfriend or a real, close friend since the sixth grade. My anxiety is so bad I can't even eat in front of my sisters boyfriend. I'm doing it all by choice though because I just love spending every single weekend sitting in my bedroom on the computer instead of being out there partying it up making memories like everyone else. I love thinking that I'm the ugliest girl to ever walk the earth, that I'm unworthy of... god, everything. There's nothing wrong, I'm fine and dandy.

She continued to say that I WANT something to be wrong with me. That I'm just HOPING that I have some kind of psychological disorder. Do you ever get this from anyone? There's nothing wrong with you, besides the fact that you want to be crazy.


How do you explain SA to someone?
I want someone to understand! I want someone to talk to. I'm sick of only having myself to lean on when I'm the last person I want to be around. Not to play the victim card or anything but everyone has someone to talk to. When I try to talk things go horribly wrong.

I love you too, mom.

heres the thing - the people who do not understand SA or refuse to acknowledge it or take it seriously , need to be completely ignored by you when the subject of SA comes up.

you have this problem , you. you know what it is like. you know how hard it is. its real and friggin hard.

you know what SA is lke
other SA sufferes know what its like
therapists know what its like

*your mum desnt so her opinion doesnt matter. this reminds me of my brother . he is stupid litle bugger. a stupid 17 year old kid who thinks he knows it all. a while ago i told him this fact about bodybuilding - when you sleep at night your body breaks down your muscle tissue. therefore before you go to bed you should consume slow release casein protein to build muscle whilst you sleep. this is a scientific fact proven and a technique used by body builders.

i told him about it and he sed 'hahahahaha no it doesnt. your body doesnt break down muscle when you sleep''. and replied i ''listen joseph its been proven and i got this information by reading books written by tom venuto and bill philips. bill phillips is a millionaire from ceating the worlds leading sports nutrition company and he is in perfect shape. tom venuto has won many bodybuilder competetions, owns his own gym and created the best selling bodybuilding ebook on the internet. who the hell are you? you are just a silly little kid who thinks he knows it all. if i put you in a room with bill phillips , tom venuto , hundreds of gym owners and hunreds of natural bodybuilders and you had this argument with them you wuld get laughed out of the room''

anyway a couple of weeks later my brother wathed this tv programme were it mention the fact that i had previously told him about and he came up to be and went ''o it turns out you was rigth after all''

if you rounded up about a hundreds therapists and about 200 social anxiety sufferers and put them in a room and then brought your mum in and asked her to argue her case that there is nothing wrong with all of us can you imagine the absolute ridicule she would experince? she would get laughed at

its like a white man trying to preech about how bad it is to live like a black man getting racially abused - you just wouldnt listen to him. whenver my brother tries to argue with me about bodybuilding stuff i just ignore him, laugh silently to myself and say in my head '' o my god you avent got a friggin clue, haha you stupid fool'' cos he is clue less. i suggest you do the same with your mother

if your mother was to swap places with you for one day and live the life of a social phobic she would soon change her tune, so just bare thi in mind

i know is hard when family can be so ignorant about this subject (i know i get it all the time ) and it can be highly frustrating and make you very angry but honestly the best thing to do is completely ignore them and silently laugh to yourself and think ''what an absolute fool''. its easier sed than done but its the best things to do.

constantly speak to people on here, we know what you are going through. we care about you and we support you. get yourself a therpaist who understands your problem . and just ignore silly clueless people - they are worthless in your fight against SA

 

[mixolydian]

I havn't had the guts to tell anyone yet so I'm probably not the best authority, but I'll add my two cents anyway. The biggest problem we face with SAD is placing too great an importance on what others think of us, if your family doesn't understand what your going through then don't beat yourself up about it. When I get the courage up to tell them I'll simply state that I get anxiety in social situations, that I have low self esteem and that I'm currently in therapy working on it. Don't tell them for the sake of their approval, do it because they deserve to know and you want their support through your recovery. If they're any sort of parents they'll have realised thats something hasn't been right anyway and hopefully they'll support you even if they don't fully understand. If they say you're making it up to get attention then tell them you don't care, its my life and I don't want to live like this anymore. If you do it like that I'm confident that they'll research the disorder themselves and try to educate themselves.

 

[tutliputli]

Hi SourD,
I'm sorry you're having such difficulty explaining to your mum. I have had similar issues with my parents. My dad often says it's in my head and I need to just 'snap out of it', or asks me what do I expect, because 'life is hard.' Have you been to your doctor about your SA? Maybe you could get him/ her to explain to your mum? It might make her take your problems more seriously if she hears it from a professional health practitioner, and should hopefully result in her having a better understanding.

 

[rickthegreat]

That sucks. Maybe parents hate to admit that something is wrong with their kids, ya know. I have never told my parents, but what baffles me is that non-family members object big time to me having SA. I have no idea why they are so against that. ****, I'm not saying that anything is wrong with them? I actually have gotten into arguments trying to convince people of how I feel? Aren't I the last word on what emotions I have?

Anyway, there are websites SA like this one:

http://www.anxietybc.com/resources/anxiety.php

It has a videos and some PDFs.

...Have you been to your doctor about your SA? Maybe you could get him/ her to explain to your mum? ...

Yeah, now that you're 18, you could go see a doctor (maybe if you need money for that tell them that you have some illness that they will believe...stomach cramps, I dunno..) And then the doc should be able to diagnose you.

Also there are videos on YouTube.

And check these out from other sites:

http://www.paniccentre.net/

You can get a list of symptoms that you can print out. (it requires registration)

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...74/#post967143

Maybe seeing some of this will let her see the light?

edit: maybe a relative like an aunt or uncle or someone that might be more understanding can explain it to her?

 

[VIncymon]

I'm pretty sure if I even hinted at this to my father I will get this response:

" What, nonsense are you talking about boy ? Man up, shake yourself up and grow some backbone "

I remember this was the kinda response I got when I made the mistake of mumbling "I'll probably never get a girlfriend" within my father's earshot. Oh I got a long high tale of "how to be brave" and "stop making yourself miserable"

Yeah, I am just making myself miserable because I enjoy it. I'm just wasting time on the computer because I really wouldn't rather be out with some girl all night.

Really ? no. Of course I would rather spend my weekends with a girl.

 

[scaredtolive]

I wouldn't expect non SA people to understand what your dealing with. Not even your Dr. could completely understand what your going through. You'll have to take complete responsiblity for your own recovery. Nobody is going to help you. They won't get it.

 

[socially inept]

I wouldn't expect non SA people to understand what your dealing with. Not even your Dr. could completely understand what your going through. You'll have to take complete responsiblity for your own recovery. Nobody is going to help you. They won't get it.

yes but i y told your parents you had depression, shcizophrenia or agoraphobia they would admit you had a problem instead of saying ''theres nothing wrong with you.''

they would understand that you were either feelin low, scare of going out , or you had voices in your head. they would understand what the problem was but they wouldnt understnd the actaul disorde or what its like for you.

the mother in the op's life should be able to admit her son/daughter has a problem , that sa is a problem , and that its hard for him her. to sa theres nothing worng with you is unaccepable

nnobody is asking her to undersatdn sa, all we're asking is she cknowledges sais a probelm for her son/daughter

 

[MissSA]

I understand how frustrating it is. I have a mother who doesn't think there is anything wrong with me. Part of her denial may have something to do with the fact that she knows that she has a part in my being this way.
I also have tried to talk to some friends of mine about this, and now I know exactly why I didn't want to say anything in the first place. One of my friend swears up and down that I'm completely normal and that she's the exact same way. So I suppose I just turned out into an underachieving loser because that is what I was meant to be. I suppose that is why I'm socially inept unless I'm drunk or why I'm so paranoid and so afraid to do anything because the fear of failure and humiliation is stronger than my wish to succeed in life. No, I'm completely normal. Everyone feels this way all the damn time! :mum

 

[MissSA]

I don't understand people who don't understand people :um You'd think that even though these people don't have SA they'd be able to at least grasp the concept. But everyone sees what they want to see. Just ignore it and it will go away, it's all in your head. You're just a little over sensitive. If these people love us you'd think they'd... ugh, whatever, I don't even know what I'm trying to say.

Thanks for all of your replies. I agree I need to take the first step and get a job. That's conflicting though because that would mean facing my fear of.. well, people. and meeting them. I'm going to do it though, I have to. "If it aint broken don't fix it" doesn't apply here as my life is like a friggen broken record. I have to fix it, I just don't know if I can. Sorry for the rant, I'm kind of thinking aloud here.

My friend is often prone to not seeing because she doesn't want to see. She says that she doesn't notice anything wrong with me. She does in deed notice something wrong with me. She notices when we're with a group of people and I remain quiet or fidget around. Rant as much as you want. Whatever makes you feel better.