May of 2008... it was the period of my life where I definitely knew I needed some sort of answer, and would do whatever I could to understand & help myself as much as possible. I had been cordially invited to attend a Beer Expo in Frankenmuth, Michigan, roughly 25-30 miles from where I live. During the time, the idea wasn't really too appealing to me right off the bat, but I had to stop and realize how there were going to be friends, friends of friends, family (my brother), my brother's friends, basically "everyone" whom I knew of was going to be attending there, and I figured I was going to be fine given that I was comfortable, and close with most of the people I would be riding together, so saying "no" was really not an option. Fast forward to when we arrived there, after "sampling" cup after cup of dark beer, light beer, this beer, that beer, the alcohol without a doubt was doing it's work, nobody would ever sense, or even suspect and develop some sort of suspicion about myself... but little did I know they would soon see it with their own two eyes, the "punchy" expression painted on my emotionless, scared, and worrisome face that resembled furrowed eyebrows and mouth frowned so hard as if even trying to express a smile, a smirk, would take exaggerated effort to even attempt. I had to leave... but how? The bathrooms were overcrowded, I couldn't hide in there, I couldn't remember where my friend had parked... I was trapped, imprisoned and felt as if I was being punished, and judged telepathically by what seemed & appeared to of been the "stink-eyes" mirroring back at me. Could I tell, or explain to them what was going on? Would they understand? What would I tell them? I had to prepare something, but even if they had asked what was wrong, would the jumbled words even escape my mouth? Would they even comprehend my incoherent words? Quickly, I grabbed my shades, praying that I would be able to hide my face until it was time to leave... it was no use. I couldn't run, I couldn't hide, I just had to wait around and suffer and practically reveal to everyone, including my brother & friends, that something was seriously wrong through my purely negative expression. The one & only thing on my mind was to just snap out of this horrendous state of mind/being, and just return to my safe spot, in my room, on my bed, and just let the feeling & expression taper off on its own, which is exactly what I did when I finally had gotten back home. So what did this awful experience cause me to do? Let's just say that I have missed out on so much, a lot of friend & family events, and important occasions, because of and for the fear of "disconnecting" before everyone's own eyes. But was it actually the alcohol I had drank that had this effect on me? Looking back on that day, I now wonder if it in fact could have been prevented, or reversed somehow. It's obvious that I could've just no have drank, but I didn't have the slightest clue my symptoms would only become amplified by the alcohol. Fast forward to today, after trial & erroring, trial & erroring almost all of the class off psychoactive drugs, Benzos appear to dissolve almost all of my symptoms, and this basically allowed me to give myself the assumption that it was in fact social anxiety all along (whenever I worry, it usually & always corresponds to a poor/dull social interaction experienced as some point in my life). It has just been so damn hard to pinpoint because of the lack of classic symptoms (panic attacks, heart palpitations, etc.). So, with that all said, I've been beginning to feel more & more comfortable inside my own skin, and have been allowing myself to get out more... there's just that ONE thing/question etched out in the back of my head... are Benzos and MODERATE alcohol ok and safe together? I really do miss the feeling of going out & having a good time with my friends, and if all it takes is taking a low dosage of Xanax, Klonopin, or Valium beforehand, then I don't care, I just want to prevent what I experienced on that god awful day.