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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What makes us unhappy? What makes us happy? What controls our emotions?

Our judgments. When we think things are good, we are happy, when we think things are bad, we are unhappy. When we don't judge at all, well then we are truly content.

Happiness as we know it comes from judging things as good, or as we like them. Of course when you judge something as good, it is comparative, and makes not so good judgments possible. It is not possible to judge everything as good, however if you judge nothing, everything is good.

Living in the moment is the key. When you live in the moment, you don't judge, because you don't think about the past or future, you focus on the present. Many people would say that is bad to ignore the future, but if you ignore the present it is much worse. The future never comes, the present is always here. Aside from that, what is the point of even having a future if you are incapable of appreciating it when it eventually becomes the present?

The future is good if you live in the moment, because everything is good when you live in the moment. Every feeling is good when all it is is a feeling. Pain itself is not bad, but the negative emotions we associate with pain, that's what really hurts us.

Look at people who cut themselves. They turn pain into a positive feeling. I'm not saying you should do this at all, but it is definitely proof that the emotions are worse than any physical feeling.

We associate pain with the destruction of our physical selves, and death. If we weren't afraid to die, we wouldn't be afraid of pain either.

But to the point here... the solution to fixing unnecessary negative emotions.

Judgments are the cause of our emotions, but what is the cause of our judgments?

We judge because we think things matter. This is our understanding.

Our understanding is the root of the problem. Let me give you an example of what happened to me today.

Recently I quit my job as a server at a restaurant for a number of reasons, one being the low pay which I was mislead about in the interview. Today I went to pick up my paycheck, which was only supposed to be about $900 for almost three weeks work. When I got there she had a check for $570 ready for me. I told her that I wasn't taught how to punch in until a few days after I started. Nobody recorded this time that I worked before I was pun in the system, and I didn't even really remember how many days it was so I looked at the calendar on my phone and the dates on the punch cards and guessed 3 days. She paid me $750 instead of $760 but I didn't care about that. Then I realized I had the dates wrong and she probably owed me more, but she was acting very upset and I didn't want to ask for the stubs again to check the dates. So I just left.

The reason the pay was bad was because SHE was keeping all the tips, which was unheard of to me when I found that out. So needless to say, I was upset that the job didn't work out because she lied to me in the interview, and then I figured out she owed me for $130 more dollars that she didn't pay me, and I was downright pissed off. But I didn't want to go back and ask for the money.

Sorry about the personal story, but there is a point. I wanted to analyze my own situation instead of a theoretical one so things are more clear.

Being pissed off is not a fun experience. Neither is being afraid or being depressed, but they are all related, and all can be summed up as frustrating.

But why was I angry, really? 50 years from now, I can say, "Oh, one time I had a job experience so bad..." and I'll think nothing of it. It won't matter anymore, but for some reason it matters now. Why?

Because it is my understanding that what happened is bad. It is probably all of our understanding that it is bad to be ripped off. Because we understand it that way, we think we are supposed to feel angry, sad, or upset. These feelings are bad, but we justify them.

What is life? Is it not just a series of feelings? So why give feelings a back seat to something that really doesn't matter in your life?

It is our understanding that messes with our head, and leads to judgments, negative or positive.

Our understanding of things is what gives us unhappiness and false happiness, because it leads to the judgments that aren't necessary at all.

When we don't judge things, we don't feel badly.

This is the root of the problem. I don't really know how to fix it at this time, but I have some little helpers.

To change your understanding, I think asking questions is a good idea. When you ask yourself questions, instead of telling yourself statements that you can easily deny, you get your brain involved, and it helps you actually believe the point your trying to get across.

For example: "What really matters?"

"What should I want?"

Things like this help you understand how trivial these "understandings" are. Now these two questions are definitely helpful, but there are going to be situations where these will not make you feel that much better.

I am constantly thinking of ways to put myself in the right mindset, because I have been in a very good mindset many times, but I haven't found the key yet.

I am pretty sure that I have identified the root pretty clearly and simply this time and now I can focus on the solution with something solid to base my ideas on.

I hope this made some people feel better, though :)
 

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Dude you should write a book, i totally agree with everything you said. I at first saw your post, didn't click on it. Later in the day I saw it and clicked on it it was WAY long, but i started reading and had to finish. What you've said reminds me of what "the dog whisperer" says on his show. Dogs live in the moment, there are no bad dogs, just humans who don't know how to control them. Problem is he says humans don't live in the moment, we use the past and future as excuses to be negative or w.e, and dogs don't have that they live right now and in the moment, and for him to teach ppl how to handle dogs they sort of have to learn to live in the moment and not think about what the dog has done, or might do. I really think it's as simple as that live in the moment and stop anylizing every single little thing. I'll give it a go tomorrow morning. We just have to stop thinking a do, and if it doesn't go well, so what we're alive. okay no more cliches, thanks guy.
 

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true happiness is when we accept ourselves, and others, for who we are, we keep away from danger, and protect our loved ones.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
lol I really like the dog whisper. I think his techniques can be used at picking up chicks... that guy would be an awesome pickup artist.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
A lot of people react that way. They're afraid that nothing matters.

You will always feel, but what I'm talking about is a feeling of peace and mental relaxation. A feeling that you have accepted the way things are, and are not bothered anymore.

I don't think I said we should remove our understanding, but that may be the answer, I'm not sure.

Maybe what we need to do is stop needing to justify and understand how things work.

And as far as the emotions go... Emotions are created in our brain, and I don't believe they have any association with our true selves. They can't really exist in the moment, but they rely on the past and future.

Missing out on the moment is far worse than any argument against what I'm talking about, in my opinion.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Yeah I don't really know the exact answer, that's why I said that... but the general conclusion I've come to is that we have to come to an understanding that does not promote judgment.

Judgment of any kind is bad, that's why most of our emotions are bad, because they come from our judgments. Any emotion that comes from judgment is not coming from our true selves, because our true selves are not judgmental.
 
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