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Do you ever think that maybe being in a relationship is just a case of the grass being greener on the other side?

At my last job, I was the only one on my team that was single and had no kids. All my co-workers would say things that really made being single sound not so bad.

For example:

- One day a male co-worker asked me if I was married or had kids. I said no to both. Then he's like "So if you wanted, you can just drop everything and go to Cleveland right now if you wanted?" "yeah pretty much" I said.

"Maaaaaaan that sounds like the life!" he said.


- One day the office was closing early because of holiday weekend. A female co-worker that lives with her BF and 3 kids started telling me how she regretted telling her S.O. about how she's getting off early. She's like "Do you know what I would give to have 4 hours to myself for once?"


- Two other married co-workers with kids seem almost disappointed when it's time to go home. I'm running out the door and it seems like they'd rather stay and work rather than face their home life.


I started thinking about this more and there really are a decent amount of things that make being single a pretty good deal. Right now, I have the ultimate form of freedom with no wife or kids. I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want without having to compromise with anyone. I never have to worry about relationship drama either.

I know what you're thinking..."but you'll get loney and never get laid." But hey, most couples are having minimal or no sex after a few years of marriage anyway.

A lot of times I look at married couples and how they interact with one another. Everything just seems so stale and boring. It just looks like they're going through the motions.
 

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Call Me !!!!
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Singledom certainly has it's positives that's for sure.
Buuuut sometimes in life it's nice to have someone that makes you forget yourself.
Each to their own i guess huh.
 

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rarely do i say solid statements, because everything even neurology is malleable (no reference sorry) ......

and liberal opposes labour always in politics

one thing for sure. in order to learn to love, you will have to lose or suffer. no amount of careful intellectualisation can prepare you for what will happen.

careful if u got social anxiety + heartbreak , can amplify the withdrawal from your sweetheart. i dunno, look at me destroyed single, dont take my advice haha. anyway how do you feel? i know its hard to stop thinking about the contact.
 

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Oh, i'm definately glad i'm single in some respects. The freedom, knowing that all the money i earn goes on me and noone else, lack of drama, etc. And i've seen plenty of relationships go bad. Arguments, abuse, divorce, people owing money, fighting over children, cheating, depression, boredom. All that fun stuff.

Yeah it's not so bad. Although thinking like that doesn't really help my motivation to actually pursue potential relationships.
 

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No - the one thing i'd hate more than anything would be to be single. I don't know what i'd do without my fiance, I love him so much <3

Honestly, I don't see any positives with being single, but that's just how I think and how I want to live my life, so it's really a matter of personal opinion.
 

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I am, etc.
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Not all relationships are the same. Not all end in children and a monotonous existence. As much as I would like to revel in the positives of being single, the reality is, I know my life could be better. From the practical—shared bills and chores—to the beautiful—shared experiences and love; life may be more free when single, but also feels more muted.
 

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I feel the same way most of the time. Perhaps it's just another excuse to avoid working towards the pursuit of a relationship, but there's definitely some truth to what you said.

I think it's specifically the children aspect that would make a relationship/marriage inevitably suffocating, though - at least for those of us with a certain personality type and mindset. In an alternate universe with me attractive and interesting enough to win over a decent-looking girl I'm reasonably compatible with, I can definitely envision scenarios in which the relationship could be a net positive impact on my life, even long-term (despite periods of monotony after the inevitable wearing off of the initial novelty). But once you throw in a young'in or two, forget about it. Even if I go through the rest of my life without a long-term relationship -- which I think is quite possible -- I'll certainly never envy those locked into marriages with children involved. To each his own, of course (I know any parent reading this is probably cringing already)... just not my thing.
 

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I can understand what you're saying. I need my freedom to a certain extent. Well I need my space because I've always been single and don't have many friendships etc. so I'm so used to being by myself (well I live with my parents and dogs but I mostly don't talk to anyone) I think it would be so overwhelming to be with someone all the time. That said, my freedom is kind of useless to me. I feel I need it as I don't like any kind of pressure on me, but I don't do anything useful with my 'freedom'. I don't go anywhere or do anything because of my SA so I'd probably be better off with someone nice.

And mostly I just want to know what it's like to be in a relationship. I don't know if I could do the forever thing. The idea of marriage really does quite scare me. I'm a bit obsessed with weddings and marriage but in reality marriage is no picnic. But maybe the good times in a relationship would more than make up for the bad times and be better than a lifetime of aloneness.

So yeah I dunno. But of course being single is fine. There's nothing wrong with it if it's how you chose to be. Plenty of positives. And many people after years in a relationship, find themselves single again for whatever reason and they don't know how to cope alone. At least people who have been single for a while generally have a stronger sense of self. Unfortunately my sense of self is negative.
 

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Hiding In My Den
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I agree being single isn't so bad. Better then being in an unhappy relationship, which is how the majority of relationships are.
 

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I like to shoot jumpshots
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There are positives and negatives in both being married and single.

Pick the positive ones and you will be a lot of more content.
 

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Its funny how nonsingle people can always find reasons too complain, ain't it.

Heck if I had to pay serious attention to the amount of times I hear people sayings like:
"man, i wish i could just leave my wife , and go party for the night.."
"my husband is such an idiot"
"man, dis woman is using all my money"
"why did I marry you in the first place ?"
etc. etc.

It makes being single sound like heaven , doesn't it ?

Well, I for one am tired of being single.

A few days ago, I finished doing a drawing. It ws a pretty good drawing. THen I said to myself, "now who am I going to share this with ?"

I think you get my drift...
 

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crazy
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This thread is a good antidote to the depression caused by seeing happy couples walking around.

I always wanted to be in a relationship, but when I finally got one, I realized pretty quickly that I actually felt more lonely in it than when I was actually alone. That was probably circumstantial, but it did cure me of the idea that any relationship is better than none at all.
 

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Far too many people get themselves too quickly into something they don't really want. If they want to be able to go wherever they want whenever they want then why did they have kids? I never plan to have kids and I never plan to get married. However I find myself cleaning out half the dresser and drawers under the bathroom sink for Josh's stuff so I think my single life has ended. I told him if I ever want kids to just buy me another puppy. Yesterday he asks "so if it ever comes up what kind of puppy do you want?". The only thing we really have to plan around is his work and he can take vacation days off the morning he decides to so that's not much planning. Which is good cause we kinda suck at planning. Some night we'll probably just suddenly agree to take that trip out of country that we both said would be fun and then be gone next week. You don't have to get into a relationship with kids and being stuck not going anywhere.

A few days ago, I finished doing a drawing. It ws a pretty good drawing. THen I said to myself, "now who am I going to share this with ?"
I've had plenty of those moments. I got lost in a nearby city that I should have known well enough not to get lost in and went wandering through some residential area where I found a very random pizza hut. I kept wishing I had someone with me to laugh about the situation and then stop at that pizza hut for supper but there was no one sitting next to me. A couple weeks ago Josh and I got lost in Chicago. We were actually having fun despite nearly everything being closed and both of us actually being sick and getting lost cause we were trying to find a 24 hr walgreens with cough drops. Being single had it's benefits like not having to share my space and clean out the bathroom cabinets or not having an alarm go off at 7 30 when I normally get up at 9 but even normally frustrating moments are more fun if you find someone that can laugh with you about it.
 

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I think it's specifically the children aspect that would make a relationship/marriage inevitably suffocating
Can't agree more. It seems like when kids are in the picture people's lives get sucked out of them and they become miserable. Happened to all my older siblings. Not only that but any kid of mine would probably be cursed with my SA genetics.

The grass is not greener on the other side, but it's hard to deny when your hormones take over and the fact that humans are social creatures that need companionship to be emotionally healthy.
 

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A few days ago, I finished doing a drawing. It ws a pretty good drawing. THen I said to myself, "now who am I going to share this with ?"
Indeed.

I had one of those moments the other day. I was out walking around on a hot day and decided to sit under a tree for a bit. A short time later I got to thinking, 'boy, I wish I had someone here with me right now'.

Bottom line (for me, anyway) is happiness isn't very useful if you can't share it.

I do believe in the "grass isn't as green" line of thinking and I know there are positives with being single, but for me those are overruled by the desire to share my life with someone.
 

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I have the same issues when I finish working on new music. I just finished a new full demo album (34 mins), and I couldn't help but think, "Now who can I share this with?"

I'd love to have someone in my life, who could support me and we could share the same things together. If she's a musician, too, that's a bonus, because we could collaborate.

It's just so frustrating that I've never experienced kissing. I hear all the time about how the world stops when you kiss, and I wonder if that's true. I'd give anything to know what a good kiss feels like.
 

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- One day a male co-worker asked me if I was married or had kids. I said no to both. Then he's like "So if you wanted, you can just drop everything and go to Cleveland right now if you wanted?" "yeah pretty much" I said.

"Maaaaaaan that sounds like the life!" he said.
Boy, you know you are unhappy in your marriage when going off to Cleveland is considered some sort of ideal :lol
 

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I have the same issues when I finish working on new music. I just finished a new full demo album (34 mins), and I couldn't help but think, "Now who can I share this with?"

I'd love to have someone in my life, who could support me and we could share the same things together. If she's a musician, too, that's a bonus, because we could collaborate.

It's just so frustrating that I've never experienced kissing. I hear all the time about how the world stops when you kiss, and I wonder if that's true. I'd give anything to know what a good kiss feels like.
Yeah man ! People say just work on your own talents, and girls will begin to notice you. Well I've been working on my own talents for years ! Yet still I am the only one I get to share my drawings and music with. Its not fun man, its just not fun anymore.
 

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Yeah man ! People say just work on your own talents, and girls will begin to notice you. Well I've been working on my own talents for years ! Yet still I am the only one I get to share my drawings and music with. Its not fun man, its just not fun anymore.
Yeah, it's funny how people give that kind of advice, when the lonely artist is so common in the real world.

Also, I think people fool themselves by saying "hey, I'm single, I can drop everything and go travel the world whenever I feel like it." 99.9% of us will never do anything like that, with jobs and such. The only thing I can do is try to make enough money to retire early.

I'm about to take a day trip around the west coast of Michigan, and it is a bit frustrating to be completely alone doing something like that. But if I was in a "normal" relationship, I probably wouldn't be able to even think about doing this in the first place.
 

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Oh the irony. Can anybody think ... BATMAN ?

i.e. completely obsessed over his "work" no time for relationships etc. and because of that he becomes a legend.

Rest assured mountain5 , you might discover some secret herb to cure aids on your day trip; or I may be the next einstine..

I try to keep motivated with the thought that "its guys like us that change the world"
 
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