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This sums up my life:

I wrote this just now as I was doing some self-reflection...

I'm not sure if it's human nature, or just the nature of most people, but we place more emphasis on the negative things in our life than on the positive things. If something good happens, I'll be happy, but it's like I expect good things from life so it's almost like meh, no big deal. But if something bad happens, it's like, oh no, this isn't supposed to happen, why is this happening. I guess I'm just realizing that I wrongly assume life is meant to be good.. like life starts out at a homeostatic level of goodness, and it's the bad things that take away from that "meant to be" sustained level. Really, life starts out as neither good nor bad. It's whatever happens. Life is just a bunch of stuff happening to us. There is no rule that it is supposed to be good or bad, it just is. So why does it feel so unfair when things go badly... afterall, it's not really unfair at all. Looking at life from this perspective, can one even use the words fair or unfair in the grand scheme of life? I guess that's where the old adage, "life's unfair" comes from.

They always say if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Well I sort of feel like even when I'm given lemons (assuming lemons are positive, actionable things), I don't make lemonade.. it's like I try to make lemonade but I end up making pop that tastes like crap. Because I'm such a negative person, I can't even make lemonade when I have the damn lemons in my hand. But instead of blaming my poor lemonade making skills, I say that the lemonade container that I'm supposed to make the lemonade in isn't big enough, or the spoon to stir the lemonade is broken.

What I am now thinking, is that... I do not want to spend my whole life complaining that the lemons I have been given aren't ripe, when they are. Ripe lemons are very symbolic of missed opportunities. Seeds for the trees that grow lemons that are currently being planted represent future missed opportunities for me. I mean, I should be excited to get lemons from the lemon tree. But I feel like I'm always walking past the lemon tree to the old lemon tree stump where lemons once used to grow. I sit on the stump and look at the blooming lemon tree just a few yards away. Why can't I get to that damn lemon tree?

Okay... so whose sick of hearing me talk about lemons? Maybe next week I'll discuss apples and the meaning of the apple tree.
 
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