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Hey guys,

It's been a few days since I've been on these forums, and I can tell you that it's been actually very helpful for me to get away from here.

I've discovered recently that the more I was surrounded negative people with negative thoughts, the worse I felt. It's not a difficult idea to understand : emotions are contagious, and so are bad thoughts.

So what I did was to avoid any negative people, any negative thoughts in my mind, and to surround myself with happy people, people that are confident about themselves - we might even say cocky persons. Yeah, I like cocky persons, because they are light-hearted, they don't overthink, they know that they're not perfect, but they don't care and they show it ! That's what happiness is all about. It's about building a ladder to the Moon with the knowledge that you'll fail many times along the way, that you're not the first one to aim for the Moon and that you're not even the greatest or the most worthy person that tries, but you don't care because you just want to keep going. And why not ?

I've been doing great at my new "job". I've been meeting a lot of very awesome and very cocky and very funny and very free people recently. And they passed their happiness onto me. I don't pretend not to have any problems. In fact, I know my problems very well but I chose not to care about them. Social anxiety is a vicious circle, and I now have the key to break free of its grasp.

The more you think about something, the more real this thing becomes. By not thinking about my insecurities anymore, I actually lost them somewhere along the way ! Now when I go to a party, when I approach a very attractive woman, I don't need my fake extroverted skin anymore to ask them out, I just count to three, and I dive in head first. It's all about being charming, and not about trying to charm people. These two concepts are VERY different. And you can only become charming by letting go of your fears and embracing your new-found carefree attitude.

Being anxious is a totally normal and acceptable behavior. What is not acceptable is that you let these fears sink deeply into your mind and welcome them to stay. I still have bad thoughts, but I chose not to care about them anymore (and I have severe social phobia). I tried a CBT therapy and I didn't like it, because you don't free yourself of your limiting thoughts by thinking even more about your limiting thoughts ! The day I learnt about my social anxiety is the day my social anxiety got worse and worse. Now, I just don't think about it. In fact, I don't think much at all these days, I just do. Being the movie critic of your life won't lead you anywhere. Only by taking the first role and acting on your life, will you really overcome your SA.

My message isn't as clear as I wanted it to be, but it's getting late and I'm tired... Anyway, I hope that at least one person will catch what I'm trying to say, and that he/she will understand that it's easier to get better than what we might think, it just takes action as opposed to speculation.

P.S.: here's my favorite quote to illustrate what I just said. "When I get sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead. True story."
 

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well said.
 

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I find the site helpful in that it helps me realize there are many people who feel the same way I do and that I'm not as "different" as I sometimes feel. This actually helps me not to think about my anxiety as much in social situations because I can accept anxiety as a normal human emotion (not a "disorder" I alone have to deal with) + just let it pass...
 

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Preach!!! I will definitely keep this in mind. If you have anymore helpful things in mind just come to this site and write about them!
 

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Hey guys,

It's been a few days since I've been on these forums, and I can tell you that it's been actually very helpful for me to get away from here.

I've discovered recently that the more I was surrounded negative people with negative thoughts, the worse I felt. It's not a difficult idea to understand : emotions are contagious, and so are bad thoughts.

So what I did was to avoid any negative people, any negative thoughts in my mind, and to surround myself with happy people, people that are confident about themselves - we might even say cocky persons. Yeah, I like cocky persons, because they are light-hearted, they don't overthink, they know that they're not perfect, but they don't care and they show it ! That's what happiness is all about. It's about building a ladder to the Moon with the knowledge that you'll fail many times along the way, that you're not the first one to aim for the Moon and that you're not even the greatest or the most worthy person that tries, but you don't care because you just want to keep going. And why not ?

I've been doing great at my new "job". I've been meeting a lot of very awesome and very cocky and very funny and very free people recently. And they passed their happiness onto me. I don't pretend not to have any problems. In fact, I know my problems very well but I chose not to care about them. Social anxiety is a vicious circle, and I now have the key to break free of its grasp.

The more you think about something, the more real this thing becomes. By not thinking about my insecurities anymore, I actually lost them somewhere along the way ! Now when I go to a party, when I approach a very attractive woman, I don't need my fake extroverted skin anymore to ask them out, I just count to three, and I dive in head first. It's all about being charming, and not about trying to charm people. These two concepts are VERY different. And you can only become charming by letting go of your fears and embracing your new-found carefree attitude.

Being anxious is a totally normal and acceptable behavior. What is not acceptable is that you let these fears sink deeply into your mind and welcome them to stay. I still have bad thoughts, but I chose not to care about them anymore (and I have severe social phobia). I tried a CBT therapy and I didn't like it, because you don't free yourself of your limiting thoughts by thinking even more about your limiting thoughts ! The day I learnt about my social anxiety is the day my social anxiety got worse and worse. Now, I just don't think about it. In fact, I don't think much at all these days, I just do. Being the movie critic of your life won't lead you anywhere. Only by taking the first role and acting on your life, will you really overcome your SA.

My message isn't as clear as I wanted it to be, but it's getting late and I'm tired... Anyway, I hope that at least one person will catch what I'm trying to say, and that he/she will understand that it's easier to get better than what we might think, it just takes action as opposed to speculation.

P.S.: here's my favorite quote to illustrate what I just said. "When I get sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead. True story."
I completely agree!!
 

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Koala Crisp
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Dwelling too much definitely isn't smart. Good advice.
 

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Querdenker
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In fact, I know my problems very well but I chose not to care about them. Social anxiety is a vicious circle, and I now have the key to break free of its grasp ... Being the movie critic of your life won't lead you anywhere.
That's very good.
 

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Asar
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YES VERY TRUE ..I AGREE 100%

we need to stop thinking and start doing ..and keep on going! and best if we can be what we are but keep on going..without to much toughts..that way we show greath strenght and sign that we are determined to keep loving ourself no mather what and that we will go on no matter what
 

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Congratulation! This motivates me a little bit. Not to think is a good thinking. But it's hard!!

Great to see someone out there who actually overcome it!!
 

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UnDeRrAtED
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stop the thinking and start the doing...
 

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All Kinds of Awesome
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I agree with you on essentially taking risks and being around people that are fun to be around. I just hope that you don't look down on deep thought and introspection. Too much introspection can lead to indecision, yes, but genuine thoughtfulness should not be shunned or condemned.

I am not defending social avoidance. I am defending the notion that having a certain personality is a bad thing.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I agree with you on essentially taking risks and being around people that are fun to be around. I just hope that you don't look down on deep thought and introspection. Too much introspection can lead to indecision, yes, but genuine thoughtfulness should not be shunned or condemned.

I am not defending social avoidance. I am defending the notion that having a certain personality is a bad thing.
You're totally right, one shouldn't completely condemn introspection. What I say is that, from my experience with social anxiety, listening too much to your own thoughts is a bad, bad thing for someone with SA.

We already know that our thought process is ****ed up by misconceptions about ourselves and about how social interactions should work, so what I suggest is that we simply stop listening to these limiting thoughts.

This technique has helped me tremendously to break free of my crippling anxieties. But I also agree with you : once you've blocked your negative thoughts and start getting back on track again, introspection and deep-thinking is very valuable, as long as you know how to tell the difference between a fallacious thought and a legitimate one.

My last blog post (8 Tips For Being More Light-Hearted) gives practical advice for living in the moment.

It bears repeating that letting yourself be assaulted by your negative thoughts in the first phase of your healing process is a bad, bad thing to do.

When I kept thinking and planning and rehearsing in my mind why I was in that situation and what to do in order to get out of my social anxiety, I ended up doing nothing at all because, in my plans, everything came out wrong and I didn't try anything out. The day I stopped thinking so much about it, I started doing things, and that is what helped me free myself of most of my anxieties.
 

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Asar
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stop thinking =stop using neural nets in brain=law of neuroplasticity starts to work ..

nerve cells that no longer fire together no longer wire together..
introspective and deep thinking is not desireable!
also personality is only bunch of often ****y ideas and emotions,
its diesireable if we can change it ...

thinking should be used only as practical tool..
desireable is being!
in a state without thinking ..or in presence of our toughts........

advice aedan .stop talking about your experiances at all!! and stop reading .stop reminding your subconcios mind..
 

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Discussion Starter #17
stop thinking =stop using neural nets in brain=law of neuroplasticity starts to work ..

nerve cells that no longer fire together no longer wire together..
introspective and deep thinking is not desireable!
also personality is only bunch of often ****y ideas and emotions,
its diesireable if we can change it ...

thinking should be used only as practical tool..
desireable is being!
in a state without thinking ..or in presence of our toughts........

advice aedan .stop talking about your experiances at all!! and stop reading .stop reminding your subconcios mind..
Some people really did stop thinking, it seems...
 

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ASAR is a troll. You're doing fine and I agree with you Aedan...If I can't stop thinking, I usually get busy with work so where I don't have to think about anything except doing my job right.
 

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Great post man! We are the same age and let me tell you, I hope I can be more like you. I tend to think too much. There is times where it clears my head and others that I get confused and get anxious over nothing. Ive been more that 2 years since I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety. I know what I need to do to overcome this, but I haven't done it. For instance, I know that I should be going out to meet new people and I should be doing more exercise (its great for me) but Im afraid of it. Afraid of being someone else and changing who I am, afraid of failure, etc, etc.

Well, anyway, thanks for your history, it has been inspiring.
 
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