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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, so im trying to program the ideal personality for forming good friendships and relationships with others. Ive tried to incorporate all the good qualities that good guys and bad boys and laid back people possess. here it is:

If I see someone:
I assume friendly until proven otherwise and am happy to see them

If I feel someone doesn't want me there:
I stop judging them as being snobby without proof, and assume friendly until proven otherwise,
Then I ask myself "Why so serious?"
Then I stop any desire to please them and ask myself "How can I enjoy myself here"

If I am angry over something small:
I find it humorous and think "why so serious??"

If someone is angry at me over something small:
I find it humorous and think "why so serious??"

If someone is angry at me over something important:
I be solution oriented and find win-win solution

If facing any difficulty in life:
I see it as a fun challenge

If I experience any failure in life:
I see it as a humorous screw up and a good learning experience

If I feel depressed:
I appreciate everything I do have that the less fortunate do not

The programing procedure will be as follows:
1) memorize the above list
2) At any point that I notice that I am not doing the conditions, I immediately correct myself
3) I mark the beginning of this on the calendar, and
if at any time I am aware that Im breaking the conditions and don't correct myself immediately,
then I declare it a failure and mark the failure date and then see how long I lasted for. Then I try again and try to beat my own record.

so ya, I think I got the ideal personality down good, but if anyone can think of any improvements, Id love to hear them :)
 

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You know, I never really thought about it, but maybe this is what confidence is really all about:
assuming strangers are friendly unless they prove otherwise.
Assuming that everyone is friendly and is happy to see you, talk to you, get to know you. Assuming that if you approach a group or attempt to join in a conversation, you will be welcomed (rather than rejected and humiliated).

Why is that so difficult for me.
I always, at least subconsciously, assume that everyone I meet is hostile and doesn't want me around, until proven otherwise (which rarely happens, because most people behave neutrally toward strangers, and are not overtly warm and welcoming to them, at least outwardly).

Maybe I should try to work on assuming that new people I meet are at least neutral toward my presence, if not overtly happy about it, instead of always assuming the worst and putting the most negative possible face on social encounters.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
yeah! thats what it is

your unconscious mind is in a strong habit to think negatively. its like all the neurons were set up that way when you were younger. its like a city thats been using the same roads for years. Its time to rip out those roads and put in new ones the right way, and that will take alot of repetition of the new way of thinking.

all that repetition can be alot of work and tire you out, thats why I use my programming procedure I posted above there. Ive only just came up with it, but it seems promising. It basically using our desire to face challenges to face the challenge of repetition and reprogramming the unconscious
 

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AJ, one thing I'd caution you about- I went through a long period thinking about an 'ideal' personality, like instead of just curing my SA I would change myself into someone outgoing, charismatic, super-friendly.. but I actually have made more progress just accepting that my basic personality, the one I already have, is enough. That I still have to work on behavioral hierarchies, but I don't have to become some kind of superhuman moviestar backslapping person.

Anyway, maybe I'm reading too much into your choice of words- it sounds like you're describing good 'attitudes' more than an 'ideal personality'..
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
yeah, maybe attitude is a better word

I dont know, words become all vague and ambiguious when it comes to brain stuff
 
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