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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Being a pretty socially akward guy it wasnt easy, the firls period of my transformation started with my actual determination to talk to girls and people at my new uni, signing up for french classes(I never actually started this but I want to do it), social exposure deluxe. And almost casually the new group of guys I had met at that meeting.

What had almost happened casually became basically my main social work group, socializing the most I could in every oportunity I could was stressful, getting the balls to speak up in class, talking to the people behind me. I was facing my fears but I had the fuel, the fury! I wasnt going to let it happen again.
More and more I started going to the meetings with the guys and going to every activity they had, along with uni those were my 2 social fields, at uni I was mostly with my friend who switched unis with me. With the guys it was harder I didnt know any of them well enough, I was basically tossing myself at a strange social group. It didnt go well, I was a stupid quiet guy while the guys were just beign funny and social, Id randomly get the balls to drop a comment here and there but it usually was ignored.

Then this trip with them came up, a missions trip, I signed up. I had already been on mission trips with the same organization but it was always guys from other cities, for the first time I was doing this with people in my own social scene.

Again, the missions trip didnt go too good, I was quiet shy and akward for a lot of it, left to talk only with the outcasts. Basically a 14 year old kid who everyone hated because he was so annoyign and a rather girly fat guy who everyoen made fun of.

Those were the 2 people I got to talk to and would actually appreciate me talkign to them.

Beign back from mission trip and havign made little to no connections I kept attendign uni and this group. Turns out this group also leads a charity organization, I signed up for it too. What I found here was paradise for any guy, the hottest and richest girls in town were all in it.

With my background of the awesome body language of glory, I started using it, still pretty unable to talk to girls confidently.

What came in the next few months was intense work at the charity organization, I was now attending 2 meetigns a week (charity and group) and the charity activities.

My job in the charity organization concerned working with volunteers, while beign a “higher ranked” volunteer myself, basically 2 weekends a month we had to lead hundreeds of volunteers thru the city and take over every traffic light with buckets and gather money.

It was quite a social event, because the group I was in led the charity organization, a bunch of the guys were there too. I was quite akward and quiet there too, bunch of girls liked me again because of the body language of glory, still I felt like I didnt deserve any of them.

Usually after those gatherings theyd always plan up some sort of hangout or partyign for the night, Id always try to join in on those, whenever I went it was the same story tho, shy quiet akward, I was gettign more and more comfortable around them though.

This one guy apparently though I was cool so he invited me to hangout with him and some people, (he is now one of my best friends) basically the first person to ever ask me to go out partying, I went out with him and his sister plus her friends. A bit more social this time because my friend would always bring out the social side of people, still shy akward and quiet. It all went good. Next time I see my friend he tells me “man, my sister and all her friedns love you”

This was the beinning of a new era, shy, akward and quiet as I still was, I was going out consistently, attenting meetings, going to university and just gettign myself in the social scene in general. By april 2008 I had gone out more than I had in all of 2007.

It could be seen as masochist but basically it felt like most times I was going out with people that didnt want me there, sneaky as I am I always found a way to join in their parties, made a few basic friends in the group eventually. Meeting people like mad, the depression that meant lookign at my facebook account became constant addign of new people.

If I havent made it clear enough, I was still pretty shy, quiet and akward, slowly some sort of people skill was creeping in though. Id always do what I call “people juggling” basically it was diversifying the people I hung out with as much as I could, so I could get more acceptance.

Say I know mark, joe and jill, Id hangout with joe so that mark and jill could see this and think Im cool, then hangout with jill so that mark and joe could see this. I now see it as a pretty stupid fake thing to do. But back at that time it was necessary.

It wasnt until December 2008 when the switch happened, people started wanting to be around me more and more and this just created a vituous loop around me. I felt like a giver of social value, people want to be around social value. It was because I felt like this that I could relax and be chill and cool. Because I felt like I had somehtign to offer I was somewhat more confident, and this just fed the previous, a sweet spot.

I recently became one of the main leaders in the charity organization, been going out every weekend for the last 6 months or so. My whole mindset has transformed, I was recently asked to put up a story about how I got oever my SA and here it goes, this is the forum version, a better spelled more accurate version could soon be on the main part of the website.

I just dream with being the person that can help someoen with this, just like I wanted someone to come help me. However I learned that only I can control my mind and its up to everyone individually to take responsability in their change. If you guys got any questions I’ll be more than happy to answer them

JC.
 

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Is this the end? I really hope there is more. So basically it was constant exposure that helped you transform? It must have been pretty painful at first.

I can relate to you about the whole community thing. I've read Pook and other things from Sosuave and think a lot of it is genius. I've made progress with the knowledge but I've recently ended up falling victim to self defeating thoughts and regressed to having low self-esteem again. There was a period of about 4 months when I could say SA was fading away. It gets frustrating and discouraging but I'm ready to make a run for it again. You definitely inspired me.

I wish we had more people who came back and shared their success stories like you because that's what most of us need.
 

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Great story. Real proud of you, all it takes is balls really
 

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PASTAMANIA BROTHER
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I read all five parts. Interesting stuff. The whole journey sounded pretty painful to me but it sounded like it was well worth it. It seems the worst part for me would be the "fakeness" of some things, as you put it in your story. I can sometimes feel myself being fake with people and I absolutely hate that feeling as I'd rather just be myself. So I don't know how to overcome that feeling. But maybe things will work out for me some way like it did for you. I could definitely try putting myself out there more. I remember I was feeling really confident about a year 1/2 back. I joined a club at my college but it didn't work out too well. Didn't really meet anybody and then after a few weeks of meetings they moved the club meetings to a day and time which I couldn't attend. I think the club has since been dissolved, so that was the end of that. I kinda gave up after that. So I didn't give it as much effort as I should have. But I think I may be willing to try again. I just need to build up the courage. It seemed like you had INCREDIBLE courage in your story. Because I couldn't imagine doing some of the stuff you talked about. lol

But good work and I'm happy things are working out well for you. I hope that your good fortune continues. Maybe one day you'll even find your dream girl, even if it isn't the one that gave you all this motivation.
 

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Are you still shy when approaching new people alone, or is it easy for you?

I have always been little shy if left alone in new enviroment, but among people I know or if I know even one person not a bit. I do not consider I had social phobia back then.

Now I'm very anxious even among friends, this is what I call sa.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Im still shyish with new people, Im pretty confident in general tho, its just another skill Ill be learnign soon enough, thanks for the comments guys, I might post a part 6 but thatd just be more of post-SA success stories.
 
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