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At this point in my life there was no goign back, I had basically signed myself up for change, if I wanted not only my girl – but to not EVER be thru a similar situation again. I had to sort this out.

It was become cool and normal or die trying. There was no looking back, however, to go on to the whole transformation side of this story, I must give you some reference of where my headspace was at that moment and how it had evolved.

Briefly, by when I started uni, I had learned what SA was. Completly took it into my identity “Im an SAer” was part of who I was. By the time I started investigating on how to end anxiety I was a full on SAer, I was lookign for a magic pill that would fix all my troubles, wanted to see a psychologiust who would help me, someone whod come and teach me to be comfortable or a med.

After a while, about 1.5 years into uni I had already somewhat grown away from the ideas of doing meds, going to a psychologist. It became my life goal to “fix” myself on my own, I had already learned about the whole seduction comunity thing and I digged the whole self-help wing of it.

I believed that if I got myself enough social exposure I would eventually become better at it, never I had researched on methods such as CBT (which I still dont know what its all about). Basically I started playing by “community” rules, the basic principle spoken about here is, talk to girls and youll get good at it after a while.

I sorta took this in a more general sense, talk to people and youll get good at it.

For a while I used the whole “getting good at girls” thing as a way to improve my general social skills, at this point I stopped comign to these forums, started completly disidentifying myself with being an SAer, this didnt change the fact that I was extremely nervous in general social situations, I just grew apart from the identity.

I think this was one of the important steps. Disidentifying myself from beign an SAer allowed me to stop seeing everythign I did in terms of “how will my SA make me act here” “how will my SA kick in”. It became more of “Im nervous here, if I do this more I wont be nervous anymore”

The importance of this in my oppinion, at least for my own development, was that I didnt see somethign inherently wrong with me that I couldnt cange (SA). But rather I saw a skillset I could work on, very linear, do somehtign and youll get good at it.

I really havent done research on any methods as I dont really need to anymore, but Im pretty sure there are some out there that are way more accurate and applyable than what I did. Again, Im just tellign my story.

1.5 years into uni I was an SAer who no longer looked for resources on SA, I was workign on my girl skills, you can only imagine how comical it was for a super shy guy workign on his girl skills. Theres a principle thta speaks of “only 3% of the game is verbal, the rest is all voice tone and body language”. Since I had ZERO verbal skills, I worked on my “body language” it was the only thing I could do without actually havign to talk to girls.

Strangely, it started working, it was amazing, I walked like I was the ****, girls seemed to be looking at me more and more. Fixed my appearance somewhat, but the most important part was my body language, take space around you, look up, act confident, dont fiddle, this was my bible.

At first I wouldnt really believe it, I started gettign girls starring at me, and Id feel like if I had 1 girl lookign at me I had to act perfect and keep up my good body language so that shed keep “liking” me. It was very stressful and it just fed up a fake me. But it was necessary.

Like a push up bra, showing up non-existign goods, I acted like brad pitt in bolivia. Until people talked to me, then Id ramble, studder and lose my voice, completly lose my mojo, like I said before, it was comical.

Still, it worked, I was getting more and mor stares from girls. Stares that I could still do nothign with, the more I worked on my body language the more it became part of me. The quality of the girls even started improving, the hottest girls in uni would actually be staring at me, this fed up my ego but didnt really fix my inability to talk to them.

My friends of course didnt see it that way, my one friend woudl never believe me if I told him “that hottie keeps staring at me”, hed just laugh it off, it was a pretty strange development of things. I suddenly was attarctive to girls but I couldnt talk to them and I was still treated like a loser, you can imagine the mindscrew this would be.

At this time I met my canadian internet crush, the one girl I could actually talk to. Very much disidentified from the SAer label but still pretty anxious in social situations. Living by the motto of “do it and get the skill” but still not doing much about it.

I had yet to find the motivation for this, hittign rock bottom after all that depression was what it took, I dont regret havign been that down because it was what pushed me to actually DO something.

Takes us to where this part started, I had signed myself up for social exposure, it was my only way out.

Continues in part 5
 
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