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Walking thru mindfields
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello guys,

I don't usually post threads (preferring to lurk or comment on other's) but this time an issue of such gravity has hit me and affected me that I am going to need your help - advice, condolences, stories to relate to, etc. Anything to help make me feel better.

I have recently awoken from an almost decade long sleep.....a sleep in which I almost totally ignored socialization throughout both my high school and college years. I used to go home after high school and college and feel content playing my games or watching my anime. I was a nerd. But I was a contented nerd. In college I TRIED, I remember this, and went to a few clubs here and there in an effort to make friends and not waste my college years. Efforts were OK but nothing super special. I have been to about 3 parties total throughout those years (paltry and pathetic I know) and I did not live on dorms. I did not ever have the "College dorm experience" as many are exposed to. I drove to school, attended lectures, talked to the odd fairweather friend, maybe went to a club meeting after lectures, and drove home.

I made SO many mistakes these past years, so many invites turned down, so many golden opportunities wasted. I mentioned above that I have awoken because in the past 2 weeks...I have not touched a single game. I took a look at my Steam game list and felt like vomiting. I could not even bare to hover my mouse button over a game. This is my addiction, my personal "heroin habit", that I came home to every evening, getting a high off of, and that I used as an excuse to dodge any sort of socialization and the subsequent discomfort that would arise from it. It feels like an anvil has hit my head and I look back and the pain is so unbearable.

I am now 24 years old and living the post-graduate life. I am on the cusp of getting a job and it's almost a sure thing that I will be getting a job in this degree that I have studied and devoted up to 4 years of my life to. However, I feel a sense of regret....that I did not fully experience my younger years. I did not goto ENOUGH parties or I did not attend ENOUGH clubs and really try to break out of my shell. So it's strange...but I don't feel like going to the working world where there are 40+ year old people that I cannot relate to. I want to LIVE. I want to experience true happiness. I want to travel the world, I want to party, I want to have many girlfriend's.

It's pathetic I know...I have even resorted to going back on clubs on the campus I missed out on. A graduate going back to his college campus to experience what he missed...pathetic eh? But I don't know what else to do.

What....do?
 

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There are no such things as wasted years...I thought i had wasted many years via depression/isolation i know realize it was part of a process of evolution...you can LIVE, experience true happiness, travel the world, attend parties, and...alas have "many gf's (don't be so sure this equals happiness ignorant one) at any age believe it or not.
 

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I never liked the dorm experience after having to go to my best friend's dorm several times. It felt institutionalized and drab. I found myself going to nightclubs by myself for a long time, danced a lot, drank alcohol, and beat people in Soul Calibur. Did this routine by myself for a good 5 months, until someone came up to me and attempted to ask me out but I blew her off initially cause I thought she was playing around. She wasn't, and yeah she was hurt. I still kept on going to the clubs cause I enjoyed going there no matter if I talked to people or met anyone. I went back to the college campus as a 25 year old, because I wanted to explore and felt I could connect with a lot of the students. I never lived up to my peers or never got pressured to do things I don't want and I'm content. I've always felt uncomfortable at parties and chose to drink excessively to forget I was ever there. I traveled outside my state a few times by myself, I had a girlfriend for many years, and a handful of friends.

Today I work a 10-7 job 5-6 days a week. I come home, I play games and surf the web. On weekends I hang out if I can or play more games. I'm content for the time being and always remind myself when I do get depressed that everything is going to be alright and the good times will come again. Dunno how relevant this post is, but I jsut wanted to share for the heck of it...
 

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I've wasted a lot of years between 22-25, but since I can see ahead of how my life will be when I'm 30+, I actually can't wait for it. I'll be able to live above my means financially, and like my older wiser friend once said, "Sometimes we weren't meant to be married in our 20s, don't feel bad, I married my one and only when I was 40.."
 

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I can really relate to your story OP. I sometimes feel like I've wasted what should have been some good years of my life. I'm certainly not in a position to be giving life advice, but for what's it worth at least in your "wasted years" you accomplished a lot from a professional standpoint what with your degree and new job.
 

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Going to clubs, partying, meeting people, having a girlfriend, in no way guarentees a person will come out of their shell. At best it will happen. In my case, a fake self emerged, hiding all flaws and trying to be extroverted. You'll probably get used to the whole thing and think you're progressing but once the whole thing is all over, my bet is the shell will re-harden. Not trying to sound negative but such is the nature of social anxiety.
 

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It's never to late to have fun. Everyone has this preconceived notion that the fun stops when you get older. IT DOESN'T! I'm 32 now and I still go to clubs and bars on occasion. The only difference is I don't drink until I'm out of control anymore. Some of the best times I've had was in my late 20's.

The great thing about going out when your older is that you know more about yourself and also the world. I went to clubs and parties when I was younger and I can honestly say that I enjoy it much better now. When you get out there and talk to people, you'll notice that many of them are in their late 20's. You probably heard it before, but today the the first day of the rest of your life. Get out there and enjoy yourself!
 

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Hey, it's not that bad. When I was 25, I got a job in a different city and didn't know that many people. I actually ended up joining this club at the local university even though I didn't even go to school there. I started hanging out with a few people there, even though I never got really close to anybody, but it was a good starting point. This was a close-knit group, so I was lucky to find them and get to hang out with them once in a while and go to their parties.

A few years later, I moved yet again to another city. It took some time, but I did meet some new friends. I started actually going out drinking with them somewhat regularly (we're in our late 20s here!), which was something new to me. I would go to a dance club occasionally in college, but didn't really do the whole drinking thing. But in my case, I had to try it.

So no, it's never too late to give things a try. You aren't too old to do them. Trust me, you start ignoring your age after a while 'cause it's too limiting.
 

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merry-seeking
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like my older wiser friend once said, "Sometimes we weren't meant to be married in our 20s, don't feel bad, I married my one and only when I was 40.."
True. Some people get married to a "good enough" rather than a "one and only" usually because they don't feel someone more compatible could possibly come along and then (gasp!) they'd be alone into old age. Talk about wasted years, being married to someone you may not be fully into.
 

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I find this topic funny. I spent ages 19-24 stationed in the middle of nowhere, South Dakota. I drank till I puked, went to parties, had a gf, a bunch of hobbies, lived in a dorm, did a bunch of stupid stuff, etc. Here I am at 25 years old thinking I wasted those years too, wishing I'd gone to more parties with co-workers instead of going to the strip club, or not hung out with person X,Y,Z , wished I hit the gym more instead of drinking, wished I didn't play so much Counter Strike that I showed up to parties with bloodshot eyes and a ring over my head from wearing a headset for 18 hours looking like a zombie :b, etc.

Just got moved to a new base and I'm starting from scratch, 0 friends, my SA is through the roof, and everything I experienced doesn't count for ****. If anything, you have just as good of a shot of being the person you want to be as anyone else.
 

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corporate slave
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Humm. My post won't be much optimistic so feel free to skip it.

There is such thing as wasted years and your description fits. Unfortunately it won't be any better and the frustrating memory of years during which absolutely nothing happened will keep the feeling of lifelessness going. This way it works for me. I am thirty, I lost my virginity at 19. These days I was so upset about past 4 years when I was not into girls, hidden in myself, not talking to anyone, confidence and social skills on absolute zero (it still is today). This was just a short relationship, which lasted for 2 months. After that, I was alone for 2 years (at a college where everyone f!!ked every weekend different chick I managed to have NO GIRL!), then I had 4 years relationship and after that another 4 years relationship. It was all so boring and routine, except the first few weeks of each relationships. Now I am thirty, I had just three girls and most of them were kind of cold, I just kept the relationship going, because fear of being alone and not having sex was bigger than disappointment and frustration from current situation. At the age of 30 I wish I could have promiscuous party life and date teens, because during my teens there was nothing. Zero. Blackness. No life and fun at all, not mentioning being a virgin untill 19. It is so pathetic. It will never get fixed, and I will hardly ever stop from being sexually frustrated. Time passes, potency lowers, and teen slim chicks with no cellulite are way out of my league, more and more distant every day... it feels like Death breaths on your neck everywhere you go.

The same story is with parties and having fun. I was always bored by common things that others like such as discos and parties with silly music. I hated it. But these were the places where you could at least date someone... I wish I could have fun with others, but I never did, when I tried to pretend, I felt awkward, actually acted silly, embarrassed myself and felt stupid and less and less confident afterwards.

Life just sucks for an anxious outcast. If only I could change it for the future, but I have no idea how. I should completely change my personality and habits, I should turn into someone else, but have no idea how. I am planning to undergo hypnotic regression therapy which will reveal subconscious traumas from early life and perhaps previous lives, hypnosis is my last chance...

I strongly disagree with EntropySmith. I have wasted my past 30 years, and if I look into the future, it does not seem bright either. I am still a psychic wreck, I have job that I hate and I have no money to travel, enjoy, experience, live and I'm tied to an office place for 40 hours every week, coming home every day in an exhausted zombie mood.
 

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Walking thru mindfields
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I just wanted to Bump this thread again and respond to everyone hear who replied to my original post. Just wanted to say thank you for relating your experiences to mine and helping me cope with this. I am still super depressed about missing out on the college experience. I should have dormed up and tried to be more social. How could I be so stupid???? Get a part time job on the side and pay for the housing that way... My only solace is to live in the present and make up for what I missed out on.
 

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there is definitely such a thing as wasted years..you can try and trick yourself(like i do) and pretend there isnt but there is..during your teens, 20s, you are supposed to experience many different things and when you hit 30 and realize you didnt come close, its not a good feeling...i look at my life and see a wasteland..sure i have partied with the use of drugs and all that but it it was rare..ive always needed too much alone time and would get bored so easily with people, things most people do..so i rarely hung out with them as i had to petend to enjoy it when i wasnt...now i look back(im 33) and see nothing but a few rare moments of joy..the missed relationships/experiences are haunting..

age 24 isnt too late though, you can still live the club life...once u hit your 30s though it gets much much harder to create new relationships, live that sort of life ..
 

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Its ok man its not a big deal. Your still mad young. Im turning 24 in feb 12. I went to a couple of parties here and there. My socializing is getting worse but I try and fix it. At least your smart, got a job and got your mind right. Just work on it and hopefully it gets better.
 

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...but I don't feel like going to the working world where there are 40+ year old people that I cannot relate to.
I'm not that far from 40, you know. That just means my pile of crushing regret is larger, having had 14 years more than your pile of regret to grow.

You could look on the bright side that at least you'll have a job. Upon meeting someone they always ask "what do you do for a living?" And you'll have a great answer -- a job! Having done nothing for the last 16 years I have no socially acceptable answer to that most basic question.
 

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Walking thru mindfields
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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
There are no such things as wasted years...I thought i had wasted many years via depression/isolation i know realize it was part of a process of evolution...you can LIVE, experience true happiness, travel the world, attend parties, and...alas have "many gf's (don't be so sure this equals happiness ignorant one) at any age believe it or not.
Yes but it gets harder after college....what better way is there to socialize than a pressure cooker where you're all forced into dorms like sardines and forced to talk to each other? I wish I could time travel and do it like that again. Kill the fear that way. I am pretty hard on myself and always comparing myself to others...I want a gf and all that happy gooey white picket fence scenario stuff.

I never liked the dorm experience after having to go to my best friend's dorm several times. It felt institutionalized and drab. I found myself going to nightclubs by myself for a long time, danced a lot, drank alcohol, and beat people in Soul Calibur. Did this routine by myself for a good 5 months, until someone came up to me and attempted to ask me out but I blew her off initially cause I thought she was playing around. She wasn't, and yeah she was hurt. I still kept on going to the clubs cause I enjoyed going there no matter if I talked to people or met anyone. I went back to the college campus as a 25 year old, because I wanted to explore and felt I could connect with a lot of the students. I never lived up to my peers or never got pressured to do things I don't want and I'm content. I've always felt uncomfortable at parties and chose to drink excessively to forget I was ever there. I traveled outside my state a few times by myself, I had a girlfriend for many years, and a handful of friends.

Today I work a 10-7 job 5-6 days a week. I come home, I play games and surf the web. On weekends I hang out if I can or play more games. I'm content for the time being and always remind myself when I do get depressed that everything is going to be alright and the good times will come again. Dunno how relevant this post is, but I jsut wanted to share for the heck of it...
Thanks Syndacus yes it helps. Sorry you got temp banned hope you come back soon. Why did you come back to the college campus as a 25 year old? Did you want another degree? Or did you just not attend before that?

Move on bro, it sounds like you're doing ok in life. It's impossible to live the past over again.
I know I should....it feels hard. I am really envious of all those guys in college who have sex with a different hot chick every week and all I ever did was study study study and play games. For someone like me who is anal about achieving things that crap just hits you hard in the head....with the ever resonating thought "I'm a failure". Ancient Japanese swordsman who dishonored themselves or their code used to take their blade and carve in their insides to commit a ritual form of suicide called Seppuku. That's what I feel like....I pretty much shamed my parents and am an abortion of socialization. Wish I could just do seppuku minus the pain....

I've wasted a lot of years between 22-25, but since I can see ahead of how my life will be when I'm 30+, I actually can't wait for it. I'll be able to live above my means financially, and like my older wiser friend once said, "Sometimes we weren't meant to be married in our 20s, don't feel bad, I married my one and only when I was 40.."
If you desire that kind of life you can have it. I know alot of people on this forum would just love to be in solitude, collecting money quietly, and enjoying their lives that way. I guess I'm lucky on that front....but I desire more. Perhaps I am just a late bloomer? I pray I am.

I can really relate to your story OP. I sometimes feel like I've wasted what should have been some good years of my life. I'm certainly not in a position to be giving life advice, but for what's it worth at least in your "wasted years" you accomplished a lot from a professional standpoint what with your degree and new job.
Thanks. I did achieve a degree and am proud of myself for doing it. I grinded my teeth and bit my lip but got through all the loneliness of having utterly no one except acquaintances on group projects to pull me through. I have set myself up nicely....the money should pour in next fall so to speak. But the empty hole left behind from wasted years still haunts me.

Going to clubs, partying, meeting people, having a girlfriend, in no way guarentees a person will come out of their shell. At best it will happen. In my case, a fake self emerged, hiding all flaws and trying to be extroverted. You'll probably get used to the whole thing and think you're progressing but once the whole thing is all over, my bet is the shell will re-harden. Not trying to sound negative but such is the nature of social anxiety.
It is in our nature to be like that. How can we skip thousands of years of evolution of tribalism and community? Being normal seems to be acidic to our souls after a long while. If humans are naturally social....then what on earth are we??

It's never to late to have fun. Everyone has this preconceived notion that the fun stops when you get older. IT DOESN'T! I'm 32 now and I still go to clubs and bars on occasion. The only difference is I don't drink until I'm out of control anymore. Some of the best times I've had was in my late 20's.

The great thing about going out when your older is that you know more about yourself and also the world. I went to clubs and parties when I was younger and I can honestly say that I enjoy it much better now. When you get out there and talk to people, you'll notice that many of them are in their late 20's. You probably heard it before, but today the the first day of the rest of your life. Get out there and enjoy yourself!
I like that idea! Time doesn't stop for fun you're right. I hope that as a man I can age like fine wine and still be able to get the younger girls lol. But whenever people speak of the golden years of college I get nauseous in my stomach. :(

My whole life has been a waste. Looking back all I see is waste, looking forward...more waste.
I hear ya buddy.

Enjoy today!
I will try :yes

Hey, it's not that bad. When I was 25, I got a job in a different city and didn't know that many people. I actually ended up joining this club at the local university even though I didn't even go to school there. I started hanging out with a few people there, even though I never got really close to anybody, but it was a good starting point. This was a close-knit group, so I was lucky to find them and get to hang out with them once in a while and go to their parties.

A few years later, I moved yet again to another city. It took some time, but I did meet some new friends. I started actually going out drinking with them somewhat regularly (we're in our late 20s here!), which was something new to me. I would go to a dance club occasionally in college, but didn't really do the whole drinking thing. But in my case, I had to try it.

So no, it's never too late to give things a try. You aren't too old to do them. Trust me, you start ignoring your age after a while 'cause it's too limiting.
It's all in my mind I realize, that concept that age is just a number and superfluous. Your situation mirrors mine in a way (except the moving to another city bit).

I find this topic funny. I spent ages 19-24 stationed in the middle of nowhere, South Dakota. I drank till I puked, went to parties, had a gf, a bunch of hobbies, lived in a dorm, did a bunch of stupid stuff, etc. Here I am at 25 years old thinking I wasted those years too, wishing I'd gone to more parties with co-workers instead of going to the strip club, or not hung out with person X,Y,Z , wished I hit the gym more instead of drinking, wished I didn't play so much Counter Strike that I showed up to parties with bloodshot eyes and a ring over my head from wearing a headset for 18 hours looking like a zombie :b, etc.

Just got moved to a new base and I'm starting from scratch, 0 friends, my SA is through the roof, and everything I experienced doesn't count for ****. If anything, you have just as good of a shot of being the person you want to be as anyone else.
Haha yeah it's funny how we are both sitting on both sides of the fence living with regret. Talk about "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome eh? Thank you for your story though! Hope you find the friends you desire and the life you want. I do have potential. I don't want to disappoint the powers that be (God, spirits, whatever you call 'em).
 
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