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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone.
My name is Heather and I am a grad student in Virginia. This is the first forum or support group I've tried since I've realized I have SA. At first, I thought that I could control it 100% but the more I go throughout grad school and "find" myself and what I'm good at, I seem to keep coming back to this. I've been going through a struggle within myself regarding school because I am so anxious to find out what job fits me best. But when it comes down to it, I just don't know, I feel like I settle with one thing because of fear of failure in something different.
I guess I should explain some background info quickly. I realized I had some sort of anxiety issue in undergrad. I didn't really know what was causing it exactly but I struggled with it since. I couldn't go hang out with my friends most of the time, I lost a lot of friends because I never wanted to do anything, I feared being judged and made fun of. I never wanted to go to bars or parties, I preferred staying home. I don't have a problem having people over my house because it's my "safe place" but I dread most social situations, but not all. I know I have a good personality, but a lot of the time, I'm just afraid to speak for fear of sounding stupid or not knowing what to say at all. I can speak to new people, on interviews, phone calls, etc. but my whole thing is being in a situation in which I can't get out of or help myself. Considering all the symptoms of SA, I want to laugh at myself because when I was younger, I loved being the center of attention and I danced, so I performed for people all the time. I used to be a very outgoing person up until college. I don't know what happened really. But obviously something did in the past 6 years! All I know now is that, all of this is unbearable and because I am becoming so much more aware of it, I feel like I need to resolve it as soon as possible so I can live life and figure out what I am supposed to do with it.
I share a lot of the same symptoms and feelings as a lot of others so I won't go on and on about each and every thing but I am hoping to get some support and advice from others on here, mainly to make it a little easier for me to go through each day. It's hard when you feel your friends don't get it or understand it and you feel like your fighting a battle with no army behind you. So I appreciate any comments or info or encouragement. Thanks!
 

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Welcome Heather!
It seems like I could have written your entire post myself (minus the grad school part, too lazy to study for GREs or look into schools). I've found this place really helpful over the past few weeks in letting me know I'm not alone in this intense struggle with SA.
 

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Hey Heather :wels
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hello! Thanks. I am hoping for the same - that this will be a place to vent the crap I feel about SA and get some help. It is incredibly reassuring to know other people deal with similar things. I already feel a little better! But yes, I actually read your post first before I posted anything just to get a feel of the forum and I was like WOW, I know exactly what that feels like and I experience(d) something just like you. Also, the GRE's were miserable but I am so far happy with my decision to come to grad school - even though it really consumes my life. It's a good decision when you're ready. I had to take time off between and undergrad and grad because I just wasn't ready at all. I felt like I needed to find myself in that time off of school but in all actuality, I'm become so much more self aware - which in my case, has been good and bad lol. Thanks again and I hope to keep chatting with you!
 

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Ah, I'm in grad school too :).

I can relate about being okay with inviting people over, but feeling uncomfortable and anxious when you have to go out. My apartment is my sanctuary, heh.

Good luck with your studies and welcome!
 

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Welcome, BeachBum625! :)
 

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Thanks for sharing, stick around, I learned alot here and I hope you do the same!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks for all the warm welcomes! I am glad everyone is so nice and helpful. Elles Bells, my apt is def my sanctuary too! Good luck to you as well.
 
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