[PolarBear]

Has anyone else never talked to anyone about their (emotional) problems? Never even allowed themselves so much as to give a hint to someone else that they aren't the rock that they make themselves out to be?

Why would you not want anyone to know? Out of fear of judgement? Because you think no one would understand? Or even worse that they wouldn't care?

Does anyone out there find complaints of such problems anything but an annoyance? I have trouble believing that people; be it good friends or otherwise, want to hear, or help, with other peoples problems.

Do you think having someone reveal that they are flawed helps to humanize them in the eyes of the person they revealed it to? Or would that person rather not know such things and go on believing there are no problems?

Do you think permanent internalization of ones problems will lead to more such problems in the future? Should everybody at least have one person they can talk to?

Just some questions about what people think, or rather how they think, and if my own assumptions are correct or completely out of whack. I'm thinking the latter of the two.

 

[mrfixit]

those are a lot of questions. i will try to answer a few.

Has anyone else never talked to anyone about their (emotional) problems?

i have only talked to two people about my problems, my sister and my mom. the only thing good that came out of that was that i got it off my chest. my sister thought that i was only making up excuses to make people feel sorry for me. my mom is a devoted christian and always prays for me. part of the reason that i don't just talk to anyone about my problems is that i wasn't raised that way. my dad and his family are the 'macho' type, so is my brother. we never opened up and talked about our emotions.

Why would you not want anyone to know?

1- they would not know what to do.
2- i will show weakness.
3- they would look at me differently.
4- they would loose all respect for me.
and others.

Does anyone out there find complaints of such problems anything but an annoyance?

the majority of humans are selfish by nature but i believe there are people who truly like to help others. i just haven't found any though.

Do you think having someone reveal that they are flawed helps to humanize them in the eyes of the person they revealed it to? Or would that person rather not know such things and go on believing there are no problems?

i don't like hearing people who always talk about the same problem all the time time after time. in this case i would rather them keep it to themselves. i see them as weak. having said that, i'm all ears to anyone who would like to better themselves, i will be willing to help where i can (and i have).

 

[Just Lurking]

I'm willing to open up to people who I think might understand me, but they have to pry me to get me to do so. The reason for this (and why I don't volunteer emotional information) is because I figure most people don't want to hear about it or don't want to concern themselves with the problems of others. As the above poster says, most people are selfish. They're not naturally inclined to care about other people's problems.

So, it's not so much a fear of being judged (though that may come into play too, depending on who it is or the relationship I have to them). It's that I don't want to burden or bother them.

Does anyone out there find complaints of such problems anything but an annoyance? I have trouble believing that people; be it good friends or otherwise, want to hear, or help, with other peoples problems.

I don't mind when people want to open up to me about their problems. I like knowing that someone feels close enough with me or comfortable enough with me that they're willing to do that. It makes me feel a little closer and more comfortable with them.

But I think I'm in a minority there.

Sometimes I'll talk to people (not necessarily about something deep) and it feels like what I'm saying is going in one ear and out the other.. like they're just waiting for me to pause so that they can speak again. They give me their "mmhmm"'s and "uh huh"'s but nothing's really being taken in.

Me, I actually listen to people. Maybe that's a side effect of my SA and not wanting the conversation topic to turn to me and my own problems, but I AM genuinely interested hearing people out. It's a very rare occasion that I get that feeling from another person.

Do you think having someone reveal that they are flawed helps to humanize them in the eyes of the person they revealed it to?

This reminds me of the first time you bump into one of your teachers outside a school environment (like in a grocery store or something). It's like "whoa, so you're human.. you have a life". I've found as I've grown older, I've become more and more aware of the people around me and how they're all flawed.. they all have problems.. EVERYONE does, no matter how perfect they might appear on the outside.

Anyway, I'd say "yes" to that question in general, but for me personally? Someone revealing their problems to me doesn't usually make much of a difference as far as them appearing 'human' to me because they already do.

Do you think permanent internalization of ones problems will lead to more such problems in the future? Should everybody at least have one person they can talk to?

Yes, I think everyone should have an outlet in the form of another human. I know that not everyone does, though.

 

[radames]

For quite a while I didn't know anything to do except wear my emotions on my sleeve. Getting hurt obviously made me become more like a robot or the "Rock of Gibraltar." However, once people have proven that they are trusting, or worthy of my time, I may open up to some deeper emotional discussions of my own psychological makeup. I could probably go on and on about why certain things get felt certain ways; and it could probably confuse a lot of people because I combine my mental processing with the intricacies of these emotional variances.

Anyway, for the most part, I only express deep emotional issues with my wife; and even then HER head starts hurting after a while! :haha

 

[STKinTHEmud]

I've told no one about all my problems, actually, besides my therapist. And my therapist agrees that it's not really necessary that I do, though I do feel like I want to sometimes. I don't tell partially because no one really asks, but also because I don't want my friends and family to worry. I've always though that it's weakness to inflict worry on those people I care for, and so instead of talking about my inadequacies in groups, I go in the opposite direction and puff myself up as a joke. As a result, my friends think I'm pretentious and conceited, but I think I'd much rather be ridiculed than worried about.

Of course, no one seems to really care to listen to me. I once let slip that I don't have much dating experience, implying that I don't really have relationships (haven't had a single one), but the girl I was talking to thought I was lying. I didn't care to correct her.

When someone expresses sadness or worry, I always ask if they want to talk about it and listen and offer support when they do (I've been trained to, after all, I used to work for a peer help line). I don't think it's bad for them to do so, after all they're human, and everyone needs to talk about themselves and their own problems every now and then. But I'm slowly realizing that I'm human too, and that I have the need to express myself. I'm still learning to do so.

 

[PolarBear]

i don't like hearing people who always talk about the same problem all the time time after time. in this case i would rather them keep it to themselves. i see them as weak. having said that, i'm all ears to anyone who would like to better themselves, i will be willing to help where i can (and i have).

Ditto.

As long as they aren't constantly complaining about the same problem and are doing nothing to fix the situation, I'm happy to help. However I've always been on the giving side of the help and never the receiving, so i've never really heard anyone else's opinion on what its like to deal with others' problems

 

[PolarBear]

Sometimes I'll talk to people (not necessarily about something deep) and it feels like what I'm saying is going in one ear and out the other.. like they're just waiting for me to pause so that they can speak again. They give me their "mmhmm"'s and "uh huh"'s but nothing's really being taken in.

I'm fairly certain that this is the kind of person that more enjoys having someone to talk TO as opposed to WITH

Me, I actually listen to people. Maybe that's a side effect of my SA and not wanting the conversation topic to turn to me and my own problems, but I AM genuinely interested hearing people out. It's a very rare occasion that I get that feeling from another person.

Indeed.

Personally i don't think I've ever gotten the feeling that someone is truly interested in what i have to say when it comes to my emotions, so i don't really bother. Good listeners is what people would call us.

 

[Duke of Prunes]

I've only made hints to family members because I have a fear that they'll view me in a different light if they know what's really going on inside my head. I'm a very "private" person, though sometimes I wish I weren't because it'd be alot easier for people to sympathise with me if they understood me.

I have no issue talking to online friends about my feelings though, as long as there's no chance that people I know in real life will never read it. For this reason I tend to have 1000 different aliases online and have to be careful what I say on sites where I have a certain name so there's no chance of people reading it.