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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Here lately I've been coming here to the forum and talking about this disorder and I've found a couple places to chat online about it. The more open I am about it the worse I seem to feel. Keeping it to myself and just avoiding anything that aggravates my SA was working much better. Now, all I do is dwell on the fact that I have SA and that I'm never going to have a normal life and I'm sinking into a depression. Yesterday at work I was sitting in an office all by myself doing my work. Normally I do that to avoid interruptions and I'm able to get my work done much sooner. Well, sitting there alone in the office with nothing but silence and the intermittent ringing of the phone, I started getting so depressed that my eyes were welling up with tears. I just kept thinking, "This is it, this is my life". I want this to end. I can't take it much longer. I'm sick and tired of being a pathetic baby who can't do anything. When will I be able to go to a restaurant and actually order something and eat? When will I be able to pick up the phone to call someone just so say hello? When will I be able to ask my boss a question? When will I be able to go to a store to return something? When will I be able to go to the movies and purchase a ticket? When will I be able to invite people over to my home? When will I be able to drive again? Ugh!!!!! I'm so angry at this!! I'm pretty much at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore.
 

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I feel you. I have broken down over many of the things you listed. I feel like I'm handicapped because of my anxiety disorder, and I feel pathetic because I can't do these little things (call someone, invite people over) myself. It's like being in a wheelchair, sort of.

But it doesn't seem like you're really "talking" about SA. Granted the internet can be helpful, but it really is best to seek out help in-person. I know this isn't easy, I couldn't even tell my family about what I was going through (and it was nothing against my family, I just have a panic attack whenever I talk about something even remotely personal).

It just seems to be loopiing through your head over and over. I know how this feels, and I still go through it. It feels almost like you're going crazy right?

Hang in there, and get help if possible. There are people who understand.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you so much it really means a lot to know there is someone else out there who truly understands. I guess this isn't something I can self-medicate. I just wish I had the courage to seek professional help. I'm trying but I'm unsure of how to tell my parents. I don't drive and would have to have one of them take me to therapy. I'm terrified that they will find out. Why am I so ashamed of this? I don't know but I am. I guess it's everyone elses expectations of what is normal and what isn't. I'm just having a bad couple of weeks here I guess.
 

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Thank you so much it really means a lot to know there is someone else out there who truly understands. I guess this isn't something I can self-medicate. I just wish I had the courage to seek professional help. I'm trying but I'm unsure of how to tell my parents. I don't drive and would have to have one of them take me to therapy. I'm terrified that they will find out. Why am I so ashamed of this? I don't know but I am. I guess it's everyone elses expectations of what is normal and what isn't. I'm just having a bad couple of weeks here I guess.
well my parents found out because someone (I'm not sure who) read my blog and told my mother. Then my whole family knew. I was unable to tell them directly but maybe you can find a indirect way of letting your parents know?

I wasn't really ashamed or concerned about hiding it anymore. I had already come to the conclusion that something was seriously wrong with me. You sound like you're at a different point. Just don't lose hope. Anxiety disorders are treatable.
 
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