[soscared]

Hi guys,

I've been working up the courage to post here, I am really curious to know what your opinions are (being that we all have to deal with sad, so you guys understand)

How do you stop being scared of success? It brings more attention and expectations , which makes me very uncomfortable.
My stepmom beat me down all through my childhood/teen years, so I have no self confidence. My parents were very strict too, I haven't experienced much in life. I've been living on my own for 4 years now and I am tired of being scared all the time!

I don't have anyone to get advice from, it's so pathetic. I feel very uncomfortable and nervous being around a man who finds me attractive, (especially if I think he is a cutie). It's not that I hate sex or anything, but I don't understand why that embarrasses me. It seems like every other woman can handle it and can flirt. I wish I had the guts to flirt! hahaha How do you stop being self conscious about your body?

 

[lissette]

I have no clue. Success is scary. Everytime I do well, I get nervous that everyone will expect this in the future. I have my moments, but they are just moments. I say I want to get promoted but I'm not actually sure that I could handle this.

I have low self confidence myself but I know that logically there is no reason for it, there is nothing about me that is particularly awful. I just always seem to zero in on all my little faults. Men can intimidate me, especially if I am attracted to them because the men who I am usually attracted to I deem to be superior to me. I think I do flirt sometimes but I don't do it in an obvious sort of way. I think I'm just being friendly to a guy but I think sometimes it comes off as flirting. I can only do it if I feel somewhat confident. For me, that means that my appearance has to be at its best - dressed nicely, hair, makeup. And its always helps if it's dark because I'll less worried about possibly blushing or looking flustered.

 

[wiima]

I have the same problem. I even asked my mom to stop praising my guitar playing... If somebody says something positive about me, I start to feel so terribly pressured, I'll start to fear that what if cant fulfill all the enormous expectations. And I kinda often feel its somehow terribly "wrong" to be succesfull, to be talented, or to be good at something. I feel guilty about it.

Yep, me to... I feel very awkward if some girl shows any interest.

 

[wxolue]

Success is one of the only times I don't have SA. If I do really well on a test, ill be fine for a few hours. I want to be good at everything, and im highly competitive. I want to go to university so bad, but in the back of my mind sits my anxiety, waiting until i calm down about getting into college, where it will strike. Thats what drives me the most about getting rid of SA. I do not by any means want to go to college with my anxiety. Ill do anything to get rid of it next year.

 

[soscared]

Thanks for the replies, it's actually comforted me a bit to know that others are going through the same kinds of feelings and situations.

lissette - if you have the chance for a promotion and you don't like your new job, can you go back to your old one? (at my job you have 2 months).
Intimidation is the word I was looking for! I have been trying lately to stop beating up on myself, it's harder than I thought because it just seems a natural thing.

wiima - I hate and dread getting compliments. I always think that people are just being nice. I feel guilty and undeserving, then I don't know what to say and try to awkwardly change the subject.

wxolue - there is something coming up for me too that I want to be relaxed for. I've been trying to think of ways to distract myself from my anxiety (which is way too distracting). I've realized that it's just an excuse to not start trying yet, like I can't start until I think of something. I procrastinate too much.

 

[danstelter]

Hi guys,

I've been working up the courage to post here, I am really curious to know what your opinions are (being that we all have to deal with sad, so you guys understand)

How do you stop being scared of success? It brings more attention and expectations , which makes me very uncomfortable.
My stepmom beat me down all through my childhood/teen years, so I have no self confidence. My parents were very strict too, I haven't experienced much in life. I've been living on my own for 4 years now and I am tired of being scared all the time!

I don't have anyone to get advice from, it's so pathetic. I feel very uncomfortable and nervous being around a man who finds me attractive, (especially if I think he is a cutie). It's not that I hate sex or anything, but I don't understand why that embarrasses me. It seems like every other woman can handle it and can flirt. I wish I had the guts to flirt! hahaha How do you stop being self conscious about your body?

Well, like you said, your stepmother beat you down for many years...you have no idea what it feels like to be confident, and you're not to blame for that either. Success works much like the "snowball effect." You start small, very small, maybe even so small you think it won't matter. Then, you build on your success until eventually you're the president of the United States, or you meet your goal, whatever it is. It takes a dogged determination and a lot of time and patience to get there, and when you are having success, you will find it enjoyable and as though you can handle it. It won't be scary like you worry now. All you can do for now is start small. Work a simple job like filing papers or stocking shelves, and after a while, you will realize that you can handle something small like that and are ready to move on.

One thing to remember about success is that thousands of failures come before a success. For example, when applying for jobs, everyone gets rejected several times before finally accepting the right job. This is the case with everything. You will flirt with many boys, say 30-40 or so, before finally landing one that is interested (and this has nothing to do with you). This is scary, but it is the way things work, and its how things worked before I finally found my girlfriend now, who will soon be my fiance. So, work hard at things and praise yourself. Look in the mirror and say 10 good things about yourself every day; at first this will be hard, but after a while it will be much easier. Well, that's about all I can advise. Let us know how it all works out!

 

[Canadian Brotha]

I have developed a fear that success/compliments lead to an expectation of both normal as well more social behaviour & that has really drove me into reservation. I’m always trying to hide myself so as to avoid being available/successful & then have people also see my faults along with whatever may gain me praise. I am also intimidated by women as well as I feel that I’ll be ridiculed for my lack of relationship experience or that my lack of experience automatically places me below them socially