Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey guys…


I wish I could be typing a message saying how happy I am. But that's not the case. I came to college in August, and made some good friends, and first semester was pretty good. But since coming back for second semester, I have been completely miserable. Most of my friends have gotten girlfriends or boyfriends by now, and I have not gotten a girlfriend. So I'm kind of just a drifter. I just feel like I don't fit in, and I feel completely unmotivated to do my work.

Right now, I want to drop out and go to community college sooooooooo badly. However, in hindsight, I know that this is probably not a good decision. I know I won't make any better friends there, and I'm sure I will be just as depressed there as I am here. But then again, it'll be like $20,000 less. I just feel hopeless. Like I'm destined to be unhappy wherever I go.

I just don't get what happened… I was truly happy and doing good first semester. Then second semester, it's the polar opposite. The only thing that's changed is that nearly all of my friends are dating someone. I shouldn't be unhappy because of that though, I guess I'm just sad cause I'm sort of left out now, they are always with each other doing couples things. And I refuse to be that third wheel. No way, not doing that. So I just sit here in my room, doing work, or (in most cases) sulking. I just don't know what's making me this way… Or what I should do about it.

Any thoughts?

Thanks guys, you are all wonderful and I am so glad to have a place to talk on here.
 

·
SAS Member
Public Universal Enemy
Joined
·
43,360 Posts
most colleges have clubs and stuff for certain activities, they're partly designed to meet people to hang out with (doing stuff you all like) so see if you can sign up to some of those and meet more people. This happens to a lot of people at some point, if they're real friends they'll factor you in, but don't be too bothered, just try and meet some new people to hang out with when your other friends are all doing couply stuff.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
267 Posts
And also you could always take more classes? Study hard, make sure you will have lot expertise for future jobs?
At least I personally find this really motivating and mood-raising when I study a lot and then know something really well afterwards. Like an achieved achievement :D
 

·
Aimless
Joined
·
710 Posts
And also you could always take more classes? Study hard, make sure you will have lot expertise for future jobs?
At least I personally find this really motivating and mood-raising when I study a lot and then know something really well afterwards. Like an achieved achievement :D
This. You're there to study, not to have fun. Social stuff is important, but academics take priority. Make sure that what you're studying is actually important and worthwhile to you, otherwise you're just wasting time and money. Once you get into a focused field of study, you'll meet people with common interests anyway.
 

·
SAS Member
Public Universal Enemy
Joined
·
43,360 Posts
I know, I know... I just feel that I'm missing my chance to make friends and maybe even find a girl who's right for me. But that won't happen. They all like the douches, not a guy who would treat them right... That's for a different thread though.
That's for a different forum, please. ¬_¬
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,947 Posts
did you put in as much effort as your friends in finding a gf?

I've had SA alot longer than you, so I know how easy it is to fall into the victim trap. "They all have gf's because they don't have SA!"

SA definitely makes finding a gf harder, but we also have a tendency to get lazy, throw in the towel, and say "why bother?". It's like lotto - you can't win if you don't play.
 

·
Neither here nor there
Joined
·
798 Posts
I'm just telling you that it is soooo common for college kids to think like this. I had the same problem, and I literally could not count how many times I heard kids on their cell phones telling their parents that they wanted to come home. You have to stick with it and try your best. College isn't forever.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,127 Posts
Man your in COLLEGE buy some weed stay home smoke watch tv or just ask your guy friends (if your a guy) for some guy time like going to a bar or something
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
45 Posts
I am in college and have no desire to date, but I have dated plenty. I am comfortable with this. It makes your hard work harder. You should NEVER pursue dating someone for the reason that you feel you should be dating. You should date someone because you both click. If that doesn't happen naturally, you shouldn't feel forced to do it or you're gonna have a bad time. I promise you that your friends don't care that you are not dating. It's not a big deal, and in fact it means you are available for something better than just a random college pick. You are better than that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
581 Posts
Had a similar problem to you. With me, I met some friends first semester, but they changed. I don't want to say that's a bad thing though, because I think they have formed their own identity. I just realized that we have so little in common that hanging out is boring.

So as a result, I feel lonely as well, despite hanging out with people a lot. I just am so different in terms of interests, etc.

Anyway, for you, don't worry about not having a significant other. PLENTY of college kids are single and honestly, with a relationship does come some stress. College is a good time to remain single because you have no limitations......just do whatever you want.

As for making new friends, joining clubs is a good way to meet people obviously. It's so cliche though, I know. Also, try to find a campus job. That's where I met a girl who I am crushing on now. But when you meet people, you HAVE to be insistent. Offer to study if you meet them in class or just go to the library or hang out in the dorms. That's how you meet people.

Good luck!

You're there to study, not to have fun.
I HIGHLY DISAGREE with this. While you are certainly there to get an education and it should be a priority, social life is extremely important as well. Don't use this attitude.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
587 Posts
Well, I'm a senior in college, been through it all you could say (or at least a lot). I was dealing with pretty severe depression my sophomore and junior years for a number of reasons. My life was falling apart and I really had no sense of direction with where I was going.

However, as I've entered my senior year I came to a rather comforting conclusion about all of this. The "college experience", the mystically glorified phrase that it has become, is really so much more that what we're willing to acknowledge. The college experience can, and in my opinion, should be so much more about gaining insight on yourself, finding the extent of one's own potential, and discovering where your truest passions lie.

With that being said, here is my advice to you: acknowledge your struggles and learn from them. Don't worry so much about a girlfriend (your only in your second semester, you've got plenty of time), instead focus on what you need to do. Love what your doing in school, what your learning, and what you gain from your experiences. College is something we cannot take for granted. The opportunities made available to us are unfathomable.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
193 Posts
Don't Drop out! I went without friends for a few years at University. Like you, in the first semester, I made close friends but once my bestfriend left, everyone else wasn't as friendly. I suddenly found myself all alone but I tried to make the best of a bad situation and just concentrate on my classes. Everyone else was friendly enough and I did get invited out once but nothing followed on from there because I didn't fit in. I started making closer friends when I joined work.

You may feel like you are stuck in an awful situation but I guarentee that the year will go faster than you realise. Before you know it you will have graduated and it will all be worth it. On the positive side, you will be more focussed in your studies and will be able to get better grades than some of the others who are always going out with their girlfriend/boyfriend.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
825 Posts
Don't focus so much on a relationship. You can find other people in clubs and activities and stuff. Play intramural sports, go to studay groups. Nothing is marrying you to these specific people, you can make new friends (as I am currently in the process of discovering).
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top