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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Everyone! :) I am new to this site and am just in need of getting my feelings out of my head (somehow that is supposed to make you feel better??) I have what feels like a weight that I carry around with me, and I force myself to go and do things that I do not want to do because that is all I know how to do to avoid from becoming a total hermit :(

I feel so blessed in my life, and so this seems so trivial to me, but none the less it is a battle that I cannot seem to win.

I am 29 years old, my husband 31, and he has a baby face and looks like a "boy" (in my opinion) and I feel I look 10 or more years older than I am. I feel like everywhere we go people are staring because I look like his mother, and I get so embarressed I try to avoid seeing or meeting new people in fear of the dreaded " how OLD is your husband".. my heart just drops and I feel like they think I am a pedophile or something. I take really good care of myself, and feel like my life is racing at fast speeds because of how fast I am aging.. I was visiting my parents the other day in their neighborhood and it is a 55+... a couple was walking by as I was loading my truck up and asked if we were moving in!!!! I thought I looked 45.. but now.. alas.. I have reached 50's.

I could almost cry as I write this... I just want to be freed and enjoy my life.. but I am crippled by peoples judging eyes, and the fear that I am not crazy, and I do in fact look twice my age. We have a 13 month old baby and I am so scared to be asked if he is my grandson.

What can I do to cope, when I feel I truly do look so old. It will only get worse as my husband looks so young and hasnt aged in 4 years, and I am aging at astronomical speeds.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and any advice you can give is appreciated. (And I will mention I am not overweight, I eat very healthy, am active,etc.)
 

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You don't look mismatched as a pair at all; you both look young honestly. Maybe "the weight" you've been carrying around has made you feel less youthful and had effected your self-perception? For example, the couple walking by probably just thought a younger couple was moving in because of the boxes and was merely curious. I really don't think it was you; you just aren't feeling so confident now so it seemed that way? Is anything else bothering you maybe?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
THanks for your reply bunnyonthemoon :) I guess it could be something else... but those thoughts are always what come up. When my husband says "let's go for dinner".. my immediate thought is OMG I can't be seen at a restaurant with him because I am so embarressed (also for my husband) because he deserves so much better (in my opinion) and everyone else see's it too... so maybe it just comes out as an age difference in my head, but the feeling of not being good enough (mainly physically) but maybe in other ways too....

I do feel somewhat better even just saying my "crazy" thoughts out loud, and for someone reading and not judging or brushing it off as stupid. So THANK YOU bunnyonthemoon ;)

I am hoping that by reading others experiences too I can learn how to do activities that make this issue not hold me back or keep me from enjoying my life (and be a better partner for my husband).
 

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There's more to a person than their looks. Your husband doesn't deserve better. Stop selling yourself short. He'll catch up to you eventually. Spend less time looking in the mirror and watching/reading anything to do with Hollywood.
By the way my hairline is starting to recede and i already have wrinkles on my forehead but hey w/e... You can't let your looks stop you from enjoying life.
 

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Hi, judging looks are the worst. Are you getting enough sleep? I've noticed that I need a lot of sleep for my skin to rebuild and running on low sleep accelerates my aging. Just a hunch... Good luck!
 

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Hello :) I'll start out by telling you that I am actually nine years older than my boyfriend, and I'd say we both look our real ages (although he'd argue), so it's probably quite clear to anyone that we meet that I'm significantly older than him. At the start of our relationship, and before we even started dating, this caused me a fair amount of turmoil. I was worried about how my friends would react, how his friends would react, how his family would react, how complete random strangers would react... but then as I got to know him a bit better and we started seeing each other properly, I realised that I actually just don't care. All those people, my friends included, can go <insert inappropriate language here> themselves if they have a problem with something that makes me incredibly happy.

Now, you don't even really have that problem. Your worry stems from how you think other people perceive you, which, I understand, is a very common problem amongst people with SA, for a variety of reasons. How much truth there is to that perceived problem isn't something I can judge, so the only two pieces of advice I can give you are:

1. Think about how happy you are with your husband and your child. Even if you really were 10 years older, would it be OK to sacrifice your and their happiness just because some people think it's a bit odd? Why are other people's opinions more important than those of yours and your family?

2. If you genuinely do look 10 years older and you want to change this, there are loads of little things that you can do and you'd be amazed at how much difference they can make. I'm talking about things like changing your hairstyle/colour, changing how you dress and the colours you wear (you can even get your colours "done", i.e. someone will assess you and tell you what colours to wear to best suit your natural colouring), and using good quality skincare products. Over a little time, changing small things like that actually do have an impact.

Needless to say (I hope) I think the biggest part of it is prioritising your happiness and your family's happiness, and worrying less about what other people think. The main reason I've mentioned about clothes etc. is that for a long time the way I dressed etc. wasn't really "me", and since I've changed that I feel a lot better and happier about myself and how I look, and that in turn helps my confidence when it comes to not worrying about what people might think about the age difference between me and my boyfriend.

All the best.
 
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