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Here are my personal thoughts on social anxiety.
Social anxiety is basically having a fear or irrational thought about YOURSELF. We think it's about other people's perception of ourselves, of our "weirdness" or "faults", but it's our own voices and minds telling us these things.
First off, let me say that I truly have a special spot in my heart for everyone that deals with social anxiety - I don't even know if that's a correct description- more like a personal hell. It affects your entire life, and no one would understand what you've been through and what it really is like, unless they themselves have been there.
Why is it so painful? We are social beings. Only humans have the ability for such complex language skills and communication. For most of us, social interaction is a necessity, after our basic living needs are met. And let's face it life is pretty boring with out it and you feel invisible and almost pointless if you don't have interaction or some connection. Social communicating helps you achieve certain needed relationships.
People who have studied feelings of embarrassment, which we all personally know very well, say the people who felt the most embarrassed during their studies in which everyone was given the same "embarrassing" situation, they were the ones who had the most empathy and sensitivity to others. I really believe most of us have that compassion deep down.
I feel like social anxiety can be compared to a physical disease that destroys our body, which we rely on someone else to help us. But with SA its our own minds and we are our own cures, we get to treat ourselves. Even if we go see a therapist, we will be doing all of the work OURSELVES! ( I know there are different severities for everyone, I'm not saying medication isn't helpful for some people, but I know I would prefer to not rely or depend on it if I can do so.)
Facts you need to know.
1. You are not weird, and there's nothing wrong with you.
I don't care if you have an extra eye on your forehead or you have a giant mole the size of Texas on your nose, you are human, not perfect - no one is - but there is absolutely nothing wrong or weird about you. None of us are identical (a very good thing) but we're all still human beings with hearts (for the most part lol).
2. It's about MY thoughts and irrational fears, and no one elses.
I know we've all had them. Oh she thinks I'm so weird I can't make eye contact when we talk. He probably thinks I'm a loser because of what I did. I'm such mess up I can't even do that right. What's wrong with me? I'm so ugly people don't want to be around me. Yeh, we've all had them. The first step is that you need to identify them, and realize when you're thinking these thoughts. Because you're being your own worst enemy, no one else is, believe it. *The only reason why we have social anxiety is because of our OWN thoughts.* It is a Catch-22, you're so scared of making a mistake, you end up making yourself scared and making that mistake, compoundig the problem. We need to realize that I'm OK as a person and its my own abusive thoughts causing my problems.
I don't like to talk about it, but a lot of you can relate and even more so. I was physically abused my entire childhood by one parent, my parents were divorced and was never close with the other. Out of my siblings, I always felt the least important. I was teased and tormented practically all through high school. And wouldn't you know it, I developed Social Anxiety.
I can tell you I didn't feel loved and honestly, I still don't. I've been dealing with SA for over 10 years now. I think people who deal with SA need and want to be loved sooo bad because we don't love ourselves or don't feel loved and secure. A lot of us feel broken, and alone. We desire so much for acceptance and love (not in a vain way, in an every person does kind of way) that we put so much importance into these seemingly little things. This is what a "support system" does, its kind of like a silent safety net that tells you you're OK because someone loves and accepts me, so what if I made a mistake, I'm human, all humans make mistakes. Some people are fortunate enough to have strong ones, others aren't so fortunate.
But let me tell you, theres one constant in life - you're always gonna have yourself. So even if you weren't blessed or fortunate enough to feel loved, you can learn to love yourself. It took me practically this long to believe such a simple sentence. *I know that we are more than just our physical appearance, our fears, our rejections, our faults, and our hurt.*
3. If you make a "mistake" or embarrass yourself, you need to say to yourself.. Ok self, why does this conversation, experience, person's approval mean so much to me?
Is it because I'm not loving myself enough? I'm not giving myself enough acceptance? Am I separating the situation from myself? (Remember no one's perfect, people without SA are humans, just like us!, and trip, stutter, say the wrong words, have nothing to say sometimes too.) Again our fears and anxiety don't describe us as people, we are much more than that. Whether we have a million friends and are as outgoing and fearless as anyone, you can not attach yourself to your perception of what other people are thinking about you good or bad. "So what, who cares, it happens to everyone" is the attitude you need to have.
We all need some kind of human connection and bond, but let me tell you it starts off with yourself. You have to love yourself first.
Social anxiety is a blessing in this, that it forces you to truly love and accept yourself, to see yourself in a different light, unconditonally. And we have our own internal thermostat, telling us if we're on the right track. Is the fear still there? Am I still thinking negative thoughts about myself? More work to do. Remember we are our own cure, which is good, but we have to continuously work on our inner selves. It will get easier and things will get better. We will overcome this!
Social anxiety is basically having a fear or irrational thought about YOURSELF. We think it's about other people's perception of ourselves, of our "weirdness" or "faults", but it's our own voices and minds telling us these things.
First off, let me say that I truly have a special spot in my heart for everyone that deals with social anxiety - I don't even know if that's a correct description- more like a personal hell. It affects your entire life, and no one would understand what you've been through and what it really is like, unless they themselves have been there.
Why is it so painful? We are social beings. Only humans have the ability for such complex language skills and communication. For most of us, social interaction is a necessity, after our basic living needs are met. And let's face it life is pretty boring with out it and you feel invisible and almost pointless if you don't have interaction or some connection. Social communicating helps you achieve certain needed relationships.
People who have studied feelings of embarrassment, which we all personally know very well, say the people who felt the most embarrassed during their studies in which everyone was given the same "embarrassing" situation, they were the ones who had the most empathy and sensitivity to others. I really believe most of us have that compassion deep down.
I feel like social anxiety can be compared to a physical disease that destroys our body, which we rely on someone else to help us. But with SA its our own minds and we are our own cures, we get to treat ourselves. Even if we go see a therapist, we will be doing all of the work OURSELVES! ( I know there are different severities for everyone, I'm not saying medication isn't helpful for some people, but I know I would prefer to not rely or depend on it if I can do so.)
Facts you need to know.
1. You are not weird, and there's nothing wrong with you.
I don't care if you have an extra eye on your forehead or you have a giant mole the size of Texas on your nose, you are human, not perfect - no one is - but there is absolutely nothing wrong or weird about you. None of us are identical (a very good thing) but we're all still human beings with hearts (for the most part lol).
2. It's about MY thoughts and irrational fears, and no one elses.
I know we've all had them. Oh she thinks I'm so weird I can't make eye contact when we talk. He probably thinks I'm a loser because of what I did. I'm such mess up I can't even do that right. What's wrong with me? I'm so ugly people don't want to be around me. Yeh, we've all had them. The first step is that you need to identify them, and realize when you're thinking these thoughts. Because you're being your own worst enemy, no one else is, believe it. *The only reason why we have social anxiety is because of our OWN thoughts.* It is a Catch-22, you're so scared of making a mistake, you end up making yourself scared and making that mistake, compoundig the problem. We need to realize that I'm OK as a person and its my own abusive thoughts causing my problems.
I don't like to talk about it, but a lot of you can relate and even more so. I was physically abused my entire childhood by one parent, my parents were divorced and was never close with the other. Out of my siblings, I always felt the least important. I was teased and tormented practically all through high school. And wouldn't you know it, I developed Social Anxiety.
I can tell you I didn't feel loved and honestly, I still don't. I've been dealing with SA for over 10 years now. I think people who deal with SA need and want to be loved sooo bad because we don't love ourselves or don't feel loved and secure. A lot of us feel broken, and alone. We desire so much for acceptance and love (not in a vain way, in an every person does kind of way) that we put so much importance into these seemingly little things. This is what a "support system" does, its kind of like a silent safety net that tells you you're OK because someone loves and accepts me, so what if I made a mistake, I'm human, all humans make mistakes. Some people are fortunate enough to have strong ones, others aren't so fortunate.
But let me tell you, theres one constant in life - you're always gonna have yourself. So even if you weren't blessed or fortunate enough to feel loved, you can learn to love yourself. It took me practically this long to believe such a simple sentence. *I know that we are more than just our physical appearance, our fears, our rejections, our faults, and our hurt.*
3. If you make a "mistake" or embarrass yourself, you need to say to yourself.. Ok self, why does this conversation, experience, person's approval mean so much to me?
Is it because I'm not loving myself enough? I'm not giving myself enough acceptance? Am I separating the situation from myself? (Remember no one's perfect, people without SA are humans, just like us!, and trip, stutter, say the wrong words, have nothing to say sometimes too.) Again our fears and anxiety don't describe us as people, we are much more than that. Whether we have a million friends and are as outgoing and fearless as anyone, you can not attach yourself to your perception of what other people are thinking about you good or bad. "So what, who cares, it happens to everyone" is the attitude you need to have.
We all need some kind of human connection and bond, but let me tell you it starts off with yourself. You have to love yourself first.
Social anxiety is a blessing in this, that it forces you to truly love and accept yourself, to see yourself in a different light, unconditonally. And we have our own internal thermostat, telling us if we're on the right track. Is the fear still there? Am I still thinking negative thoughts about myself? More work to do. Remember we are our own cure, which is good, but we have to continuously work on our inner selves. It will get easier and things will get better. We will overcome this!
