[aviator99]

Hey everyone,

Just a little backround info here, I posted the questions in the first reply.

So about 4 weeks ago I met this girl, its kind of a long story and i'll try to cut it down as much as possible, her parents met my parents about 4 weeks before I met her (the girl), my parents became friends with her parents, etc. It was just by pure luck that we randomly crossed paths, as about 4 weeks ago, I was out someplace, and in she walks in with her mother (I already met her mother prior, so I was like, oh geez, hey!!!! [I was really thinking, Oh **** this girl is stunningly gorgeous, whoop, anxiety spike 100%!). The girl leaned in and gave me a hug (wow, sweet!), I normally go for handshakes on intros We only chatted (alone) for a few minutes and that was it. Skip forward to 4 days later, her parents invite us over to their house (keep in mind, doesnt really have much to do with me, but more less her parents/my parents were now friends).

Short story short, the girl lets us in, is surprised to see me, hangs up her phone and takes me for a walk around her house (large property), shows me around. Conversation is pretty easy flowing, she mentioned she was having a party, wanted my advice on some things, I replied, by the time we walked around everyone was outside on their deck, I went over and met her father/brother (gulp, lol) for the first time. So I end up getting caught in a conversation with them after being introduced and since its her parents/family, I couldn't really cut them off and be like "Well, blah blah, im going to go hangout with her instead", and leave. I get caughtup in a conversation and the girl im not even sure where she went (went inside I think? didnt notice, ugh).

Nonetheless, im talking to her mom for about a half hour, talked briefly with her dad, whom made a comment to my mom (which was 2 ft away from me/her mom) "Hey, [my name], he would be a good guy for [girls name]!" The girls mother heard that and said "Oh yeah, you're what, 22? [Yep 22!] Yes see, shes 17 but almost 18, but you know all girls like older guys [she smiles], plus you're only about 4-5 years older, me and [husbands name] are 6 years apart, its no big deal".

So, I knew then, well, I have the *stamp of approval*, haha. Plus side is also in 7 weeks from now she turns 18.

Next day, I knew she had the party, I ended up going, the party in itself is a really, really long story, kind of irrelavent to my questions in this thread though. She was really surprised I came though, when she saw me she smiled and said 'Oh my..god', lol, came over and gave me a hug again.

Nonetheless, day after the party, I friend her up on facebook. At the same time, I realized 3 days prior (day before we were invited over to her house), she changed her relationship status from Single to 'In a relationship with xxxxx xxxxx'. Hmph, ok, and that guy wasnt at the party (which had like 50 people). You would think if you just made something official boyfriend/girlfriend, your boyfriend would be at your party 2 days later. But, okay.

Anyhow, after friending her, I talk to her about the party through facebook chat for maybe 5 minutes total (it was late night, she had to go to sleep), 3-4 minutes in, one of her comments was something like "you know most those people there wernt my friends, I didnt know who they were", and she again makes another comment, something to the effect of "I hope you dont think of me as someone who does drugs and gets wasted".

So, my questions are this:

 

[aviator99]

Question #1 = Why would a girl say this? Is she saying this because shes interested in me? Why clear the air on that? When I flip this scenario around, say I was her and I was interested in a guy and I was worried he would perceive me in the wrong light (thus maybe eliminating that interest), I would want to clear that up by telling him that im not -that way-. Opinions???

Question #2 = Nothing has happened in the last 4 weeks, i've been insanely busy and she's always busy, last time we saw eachother was at that party. But, with her facebook page, she posts there once in every few days, like "going job hunting today", and i'd post a follow up comment "nice, good luck!", or whatever. I do that for everyone, though, even the guy friends I know "going out tonight, l8r" and i'd post "have fun man" or whatever. Its nothing serious, of course.

But, a month later, and like 6 follow up comments, or whatever, she has yet to reply to any of the follow up comments, nor even post anything to me, nor even message me on facebook. The follow up comments dont render a response, really, just your typical "cool!", "awesome video", or whatever. But still, its odd because her mother/my mother are doing things together every few days now (and talking on the phone), but between me and this girl, its like...theres a wall, for the last month, LOL!

Question #3 = Why is this? No contact, nothing, nothing, lol? Its pretty funny to me and I get a good laugh out of it, its almost like we're playing games, which is fun, but i'm just confused to what we're playing here or what the deal is?

And, im not sure what to make of it? Now, listen to this, it gets even crazier. She has a myspace page (I dont have a myspace page, though). So last week I checked it out out of curiosity (its set to private), but, she'll post in the comment box something like "hanging out with my bf today <3!". Yet, she'll never post that on facebook (where I can see it).

This happened on like 3 occasions, where she posts these "going out with my BF" comments on myspace, but on facebook, she writes "going out today", eliminating the BF portion (why???). This happened like 3 times over the span of a week, myspace will say "at my bf's house", facebook will say "at a friends house", myspace will say "going job hunting with my bf", facebook will say "going job hunting".

Everytime, the BF part is omitted when she posts on facebook. To make it even more odd, in the midst of all that last week, she changes her relationship status on facebook from "In a relationship with xxxxxx xxxxx", to "Single".

Days later, though, on her myspace page "with my bf today yay!!!"

What the hell? Its like a double life. On facebook she omits everything about her BF ever since I friended her (and that really is what happened, I check her previous posts before I friended her and her BF/Her posted on eachothers wall all the time!), I friend her, BF never posts on her facebook wall, she omits everything about her BF on her facebook wall, and then just weeks later changes her status to Single. And myspace tells a completely different story.

Uh???? Confusion? Are all these changes directed towards me, is this a double life, or what???? Just coincidence that these BF comments seemingly disappear after I friend her? Who changes their status to Single on Facebook but days after continues to mention their BF on myspace?

 

[aviator99]

In this thread:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/should-i-let-the-friendship-go-64935/

Flu108 mentions the following: "If you're a guy you have to expect that when your friends who are girls find boyfriends they'll drop off the face of the earth, its just how it goes."

Essentially, this is how I feel, is this how it normally is, or what?

 

[aviator99]

Don't over think it. If you want to date her then just ask her out to go do something.

She might just think you want to be her friend, which may already be the case.

Oh yeah, not over thinking it, just trying to feel the situation out. Not going to ask her out when she has a BF of course. But, if opportunity arises, i'd do it, but only in person (not on facebook/phone/whatever).

obviously she has another guy in her life, nothing you can do about that...except if you get along with her well, there's every possibility she could be your girl someday...if your honest, you'll know if you really get on well together or not...keep being her friend as you are able too..if she's interested anway..ask her out on a serious date if you are really serious about her and risk losing her as a friend (if she hasn't actually told you she has a boyfriend), or just find some activity to do together for fun like go to a concert or something...

..it seems possible she just likes someone else more right now, but she might now like you at all..you'll know soon enough I think if you try to make a move..

Yeah, well, friend wise, nothing going on for now and I of course wont make any moves for a while until I feel the time is right

She wouldn't be into a serious date, her kind of date would be...party, concert, clubbing, and everything super-social. Not even sure if the movies would do it for her, she'd likely get restless

I'm not concerned about losing her as a friend, no worries there

 

[aviator99]

WOW, well, I figured *Everything* out tonight!

Evidently, remember how I mentioned in the first reply (everything under Question #2), that I didnt understand why the facebook messages stopped from her BF, why she changed her status from Relationship with XXXX to single, etc., but myspace told a different story?

I just figured it out tonight and couldn't believe it, haha. The reason why the facebook comments stopped is because shes NOT dating that guy anymore, but already has ANOTHER boyfriend.

So, apparently, what happened was she was all luvy-duvy (as was the guy) on facebook near the end of April/Beginning of May, we'll call this guy Dave. Then, beginning of May, two days before that party I attended, they made it official on facebook by changing their status from Single to Relationship (her profile said: In a relationship with Dave xxxxxx)

The comments continued for a couple days from Dave (and her responses) on facebook, but then abruptly stop. One week later, her Myspace will show "out with my BF today!!", but Facebook "going out today". Week later, she changes her status to Single on facebook. Still no comments from Dave on her facebook page.

Last night she mentions on Myspace "Was with my boyfriend Mike tonight!!!"

Ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, no wonder.

So heres what happened:

The facebook comments abruptly stopped from Dave because something happened between her and Dave. Meanwhile, a week passes, she gets into a new relationship with Mike. In turn, she omits Mike's name from any of her postings from Facebook (so as to not anger Dave, or show Dave that she's hanging out with another guy?). Even though her and Dave arn't hanging out anymore, Dave probably doesnt know shes already involved with another guy. Week after that, she changes her status to Single, because she already brokeup with Dave, or just did, and is now involved with Mike (and has been for the week prior up till changing the status to Single).

Its probably still set to Single for now because the relationship is new between her and Mike, so nothing maybe is official yet, or, they're doing it for privacy reasons (no telling how that Dave guy is, could a dangerous guy, who knows)

Makes perfect sense now.

But I have to say, how do you have 2 boyfriends in a matter of 4 weeks? Geeeeeeeez!!