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or something evil inside of me. I am honestly more afraid of myself than anything else. I have a lot of issues from growing up, especially centered around bullying, and feeling isolated. I made friends every now and then growing up, but I've never made a friend that I felt completely comfortable with.

When i was younger i used to have violent fantasies about killing people who i thought wronged me, or who didn't do enough to stop those that did. After i got older it got even worse. I started to hate most people in society in general. Just years ago, i remember walking about wishing i was a vampire or something that could kill anything that i thought was a treat to me.

I'm 21 now, and I generally don't spend too much time fantasizing bizarre things. Ever now and then, I'll just be sitting down trying to be a normal guy, and start a normal social life, and I'll get some random bizarre thought. Sometimes they are violent, and sometimes sexual. They scare me because while i have no plans to act on them, a lot of times i feel like im not really there, and feel disconnected to my body. When I'm like that I'm usually pretty out of it. I'm generally pretty aware of what's going on, but I just don't feel it.

Like i said, i do have friends, and try to get out. Usually if I'm out with a friend, and i have this blank look on my face, someone will ask me if im okay. I'll tell them that I'm fine. I try me best to keep it together.

Since it's October, I was at a friends house watching horror movies. I was watching The Shinning, and was a little disturbed. I've seen the movie before, but i kind of was relating the character to myself. During the movie i kept pondering, "what if i went crazy, and did something horrible?"

My social anxiety steams from a lot of stuff growing up, and my denationalization. But honestly, I'm more concerned about others around me, and my future. I look in the mirror, and it scares me because i feel like I'm looking at someone else.

I dunno.
 

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Imaginary Boy™
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101 Posts
Regardless of your beliefs I think you should check out this radio show:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/omegamanradio

It can definitely help you in your situation if you have an open mind and willing to change.

Your case very well could be more complex than social anxiety...

God bless.
 

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Similar situation

My situation is very much like yours. At a young age I remember having a fantasy about torturing baby squirrels which included swapping hearts and such but my imagination wasn't too gory really since I was really young. I don't actually remember much from my life but that part I remember well because I think I had that same fantasy a few years later.

Now I just feel like something wants to get out off me and at times I felt like I wasn't myself and I feel as if I have fur which is standing up in aggression and that I have canines that are much sharper and larger , I feel wolf like, but that's an illusion as I don't have those features. When that happens I feel a huge blood lust over come me, as if I wanted to rip people to shreds and seem to enjoy the sight of blood.

The thing that troubles me the most though is that it just feel normal as if it was me... It just kind of doesn't make sense but still, I actually find the blood lust feeling satisfying. I don't know why this is.
 

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I agree with the advice to see a professional for an assessment. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist. It could be a psychologist.

Don't just go off advice you get on an internet forum. Have someone really talk to you about it, get the full story, and then have them give you their professional opinion. You will be free to take it or leave it, but at least you'll have a professional opinion.

The stuff you're describing could be a number of different things. It's really impossible to sort out on an internet forum, and somewhat dangerous to try to do so. It's better if you talk it through with a professional who's trained to make the appropriate distinctions.

Psychologist or psychiatrist. Tell them you want an assessment.

Good luck!
 

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I usually fantasize about weird stuff too. One time when I was in a terminal, I was thinking of a crazy guy who slits people's throats from behind. Coincidentally some guy behind me shouted and I was startled.
 

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Aesthetically Challenged
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To be honest, if anything it sounds like OCD or intrusive thoughts along with disassociation.

From a Christian perspective, ordinarily the devil or demons try to harm us by introducing thoughts into our mind that are attractive, pleasurable, but harmful to us and sinful. The thoughts you have are just so random and are clearly disturbing to you. I would seek for a medical explanation first before attributing it to something supernatural.
 
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