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And that is the main reason why I don't have many friends. I can't deal with the drama some of them have, I don't want to be too involved in their life, or be a parent to them when it hits the fan. Having friends that are not engaging to you or just have you around as an accessory is when my SA kicks in, because I feel like I'm just tagging along for the hell of it.
 

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And that is the main reason why I don't have many friends. I can't deal with the drama some of them have, I don't want to be too involved in their life, or be a parent to them when it hits the fan. Having friends that are not engaging to you or just have you around as an accessory is when my SA kicks in, because I feel like I'm just tagging along for the hell of it.
^^
Yeah, I agree with that. I'm 19, and I never had any type of friends to go and hang out with..only acquaintances. Sometimes I can't imagine having to deal with things like that due not being exposed to any of that "drama" in my life. I cant even imagine being too involved in anyone else's life..because I know I will be uncomfortable to get to know a person to that level. I'll probably just be tagging along to when it comes to things like that too.

@ OP: Sorry to hear that your friends are driving you crazy. I definitely agree with the title of your topic. I guess it's something you're not used to, especially if you've spent the majority of your life feeling socially anxious around people. It seems like you need a bit of space or away time from them a bit, especially if they're in your face 24/7.
 

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Chlorine and Wine
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Yes, yes it does.

You're either alone and miserable or you're bothered and miserable. You cannot win.
 

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Gone, Never Coming Back
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I literally have no friends, but for whatever reason I'm not that bothered by it. Maybe it's because I've gotten so used to being alone that it feels comfortable to me. I interact with people as long as I need to to feel good. Somehow watching videos on youtube and making comments seems to be a satisfactory amount of social interaction for me.

Anyways I have had friends before, mostly girls, but I find they all have one thing in common: they are superficial. When you see them with their friends, they are always happy and smiling and oh so close. But then when they are alone with me, all they do is talk bad about them, telling me they can't stand their friends, that they are stupid and so on. It's horrible for me because I get the impression that they are doing the exact same thing to me with their friends, which is part of the reason why I am very cautious around others. It's worse when they don't understand my problems and try to act like my helper, which only makes things worse most of the time.

So yeah, I'd have to agree. Sometimes friends can make your life more complicated than you want it to be. I'm a fairly laid back person, so I try not to talk negatively about other people, unless they really annoy me and I have to talk badly about them, but at the very least I don't try to put on some mask that I actually like this person when I don't.
 

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I just want to have a group of extremely close friends. Maybe 9-10 people. That's how I was in Middle School and it was great, I had many other friends, but the most close ones were in our group. We were all basically interested in the same things also. High school sucks for socializing, so I stopped trying,
 

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I love my friends but sometimes I go through these periods due to my SA where I just don't want to socialize and go out all the time and I have no excuses to not go out. I usually like going out though. My friends make me feel more secure
 

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c'est moi
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I have a hard time having friends. It's work to keep up with them and a lot of people really do draw drama to themselves. Furthermore, I seem to attract trouble-makers that insist I trouble-make with them. It's anxiety provoking.
 

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Classy Classicist
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
i get mood swings a lot (might be bipolar too, gonna confirm it in oct), so its really difficult to be the same person. and its so obvious to them when i get my high moods and my low moods. so i try to keep to the middle of the spectrum. i just hate feeling like a jerk. i have one friend who'll try and try to talk to me even if i dont reply to her texts or make excuses to not hang out, and she doesnt really know about my situation, so i cant help but think that im ruining the friendship.
To those who said they dont have friends, i say give it a try. it seems like the more people i can "share" the burden, rather, dependency on, the more "normal" i feel. sure, its really emotionally painful. its not easy. but its worth having friends. i think my SA has made me pretty cynical, so every thing my friends do astounds me. what i mean is, sometimes i have trouble beleiving they'd actually want to hang out with me, or keep my secrets, but they do. and this surprises me so much, even though it shouldn't.
like i said, i just hate it when my mood goes to the bad end of the spectrum, where i feel like i can "truly" see everything( pretty much being cynical about everything), and become so isolated, because it might mess up my few friendships
 

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If your friends are making things worse for you then maybe you should get new ones. The small group of people I would call friends always make me happy when I'm hanging around, they never make anything worse.
I think it really depends on how they're making it worse for you. I would rather have friends that are genuinely supportive, 'through thick and thin', and vice versa (even if it involves a few mood swings & drama). People are more comfortable around happy people, but no one can be happy all the time.
 

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Space Cadet
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Yeah, I know the feeling.

Just a few days ago, I was at a friend's house watching a TV show, and in it there was a guy who had been "on break" with his wife for three months. I remarked "It's over. Three months is too long". My friend agreed, and then I said "I'd draw the line at a week. Any 'break' longer than that, and I'd assume the relationship is over". My friend said "Not necessarily", and I redoubled saying that anything over a week and I would assume the relationship is over. He laughed and replied "Of course, because you've had 10,000 girls knocking at your door" (he knows I'm a virgin with no experience). When I brought up my LDR and how much that "break" hurt, he dismissively said "That doesn't count".

I bit my tongue, but what he said has bothered me ever since that day. I don't think he realized how hurtful and embarrassing that was for me, but it was.

I still feel humiliated, but I figure it'll just help me develop a thicker skin.

(And this guy suffers from mental illness too, which made me even more surprised that he would say such a thing.)
 

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Anyways I have had friends before, mostly girls, but I find they all have one thing in common: they are superficial. When you see them with their friends, they are always happy and smiling and oh so close. But then when they are alone with me, all they do is talk bad about them, telling me they can't stand their friends, that they are stupid and so on. It's horrible for me because I get the impression that they are doing the exact same thing to me with their friends, which is part of the reason why I am very cautious around others.
That's exactly how I feel too! I tend to avoid having many female friends because the ones I've associated with in the past are so quick to bash one of their other so-called "friends" if the friend does something as simple as forget to call them back or whatever. Its ridiculous. They'll start a whole passive-aggressive war over something that stupid. My two best friends are guys, and while I do have a couple girls that I'm acquaintances with who I've known practically my whole life, I don't feel the need for any super close female friends, for the reason I stated above.
This post might make me sound like I hate all girls or something, but you have to understand where I'm coming from. I don't hate all of them. I just hate the ones who are immature and petty. And OP, I know what you mean about the friends driving you nuts thing. Another perk of having guy best friends is they don't get caught up in meaningless drama, so the only times they'd ever need my support is if a true tragedy happens, which in that case, having to comfort them & whatnot wouldn't bother me at all.
 

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It's weird because i feel depressed anout being lonely yet i have little desire to put up with having people in my life, it just seems so demanding to have to meet up with friends and send Christmas cards and things.
 

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Classy Classicist
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Does anyone else get really bad moodswings or is it just me? That's one of the reasons why having friends is complicated. I'm only the happy presentable less anxious self of me part of the time
 

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Space Cadet
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Does anyone else get really bad moodswings or is it just me? That's one of the reasons why having friends is complicated. I'm only the happy presentable less anxious self of me part of the time
Yeah, I get that sometimes. It's like a Jekyll-and-Hyde thing. I think it might just be a part of anxiety and depression, but it might also be bipolar.
 
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