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I may very well be in considerably one of the toughest binds of my life! I'm currently in the 8th Grade, and 8th Grade students at my school have the option to go to Technical School or just proceed onward to the High School. Now, the problem here is, I want to go on to Technical School, have no friends the way it is, and the people that I think I may even have a chance with are going on to the High School. I hate this loneliness so very much, and beg and beg for it to end. I don't know whats wrong, but three years at the Middle School hasn't been good enough to make friends. Everyone mostly hates me, (Or so it seems, it may be my own paranoia speaking.) and I don't know whats wrong with me. What am I doing wrong? Here are some comments I've absorbed from some contact with some other people, most of whom I'm more friendly with than others.

Scenario 1:

I was questioned by a girl "Do you want to kill yourself? Do you want to kill anyone in the school?" I've linked this question being asked to my common isolation from others and possibly depressing look (Will be more so questioned in Scenario 2)

Scenario 2:

I went into my English Class after lunch, and began the assignment on the board. Another student walked in, and said something to me (I don't remember clearly, something along the lines of "Yeah Jake!" Something or other. I don't know, the kid is pretty hyper. Anywho, when I respond with a "What?", he responds with a "Woah, your actually happy today." I never thought I was ever that depressing, but perhaps I'm wrong.

Scenario 3:

As I was moving from class to class, I run into a peer who I am on more friendlier terms with than others. He says hello, to which I give a hand wave, or more so I hand pop up, indicating hello. He says "Jake, why do you always act so...I don't know, wimpy?" I'm not even sure what this could mean...perhaps related to timidness?

Scenario 4:

Moving on to my final class of the day, I discovered I had to go to another room. In a rush, I tried squeezing myself between the crowds of people. I tell one student, who is in my class and also was the student in scenario 2 to "Hurry up move" (I was a little frustrated). Instead of responding by returning the negativity, he responds with "Woah! Yeah Jake! Being a man! That's what I'm talking about!" or something along those lines for the last remark. Again, I was baffled, but I moved onwards. I heard some mumbling behind me, only to hear in response from this same student "Shut up! That kid (Me) is the man!" and also hear, from another student in my class, after more mumbling, "He's really quiet. He never says anything." Am I being too silent?

I know one thing that I need to improve, and unfortunately for me is my greatest flaw, is that I'm not very outgoing. In the few scenarios where I have made contact with people, often the same people, I often just go about my day, waiting, hoping for something to happen. Waiting for them to come along and save me from the loneliness. I never approach them, despite even spending an entire day with them on some Field Trip we had. Despite them even sitting just a few seats down from me in the cafeteria. I try boosting my confidence, saying that I'll approach them, but in the end, I never do, and only make myself feel worse. I've thought of feasible excuse to make me look a little more normal and less sudden, even to gain an everyday spot. But alas, I never follow through. (It doesn't help that it seems packed where they sit) I know I have to be more brave. I need to do stuff for myself, and not just rely on someone coming along and starting a conversation. Maybe I am "wimpy" and I need to "be a man" to make things change. And I need it to happen fast. I need them before the year ends. Or else, I move on to Technical School, knowing that they're gone. I will never have the hope of them saving me again. Maybe I need a fresh start there. Or I could go to the High School, with them not helping me and still ending up with nothing.

Someone, please, help me here. Tell me what to do.
 

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For an 8th grader you seem pretty mature and articulate, which is a good thing. The kid in your number two and four scenarios seems like he wants to get to know you and likes when you show confidence. That is what they probably mean by "wimpy and being a man". They want you to have confidence, but unfortunately, they don't know that it's a hard thing to achieve. You're basically going into a new situation no matter what so maybe use this as an opportunity to make a change and try to talk to people even if it's only a few words.
 
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