[getGrid]

You are not a social phobic, you are not shy. You are human. Stop describing yourself as a social phobic, that is just one part of you. There are lots of people who have heard from their teachers as kids that that they can't sing, and so they are too embarrased to sing even now. It really matters how we classifie ourselfes. Since I realized this, I have tried to took a different attitude instead: that I have some anxiety in social situations, but I AM NOT a social phobic. This has had a huge effect, no longer do I have to predestine myself automatically to fail, or have to always run because "I'm so shy".

You can't live your life thinking always what everybody else thinks of you. It is impossible, it is too hard. And in reality, it is purely impossible to control what the other thinks of you. You are not the master of his/her thoughts.

Not everyone has to like you, truly. There will always be people who will love you, who will be neutral and those who will hate you. It is cliche, but it is true. There really are different major types of personalities, and people often tend to end up hanging with people who are somewhat like them. This happens naturally. Look around, and you'll realize this. There are some personality types which I just cant stand. How could I demand that they should love me unconditionally in return? Wouldnt that be just ridiculous? You dont have to make friends with everybody, and not everybody has to appreciate you. Find out what kind of people you are comfortable with.

Remember, that you have the glasses of fear on. Even if you feel extremely embarrassed and awkward, the situation most likely is not nearly as awkward (if at all) to others.

It is okay to feel feelings. It is okay to be nervous or afraid, everybody is. I don't have hard time eating or drinking in public, but one day I was in a big restaurant, and the anxiety growed too big: my hand started to shake. It was difficult to hold my coffee cup. I was becoming very uncomfortable, but then something just snapped in my head and I thinked: "Well everyone, look, this is human. Weak, flesh and bones. Afraid.". My hand immediately stopped shaking: I didnt need to hide anything anymore.

 

[Freedom2010]

Great post!

As soon as we start seeing ourselves for other things besides being "shy people", we will become more of those things we want to become- and less of the things we don't want to be.

I do agree that everyone feels afraid sometimes, but it doesn't mean that fear is all you are.

 

[Aron James]

I've asked this question loads of times to people:

How much of your time are you someone with SA?

Most people say all the time. This becomes their reality.

If you identify yourself as fixed, a permanent SA person, then this clearly becomes your reality. When in fact, it's easy to notice when you are a person who is calm. Once that 'you' expands, it comes to light, begins to be the reality. No one is ever 100% anxious all the time, even if they tried to be.

 

[jellybelly]

Great post. Negatively labelling yourself can be very unhelpful.

 

[getGrid]

I sometimes still feel like a little child. What does a young child do when he falls down to the street? He runs home. And when he sees his mother, not until then, he starts to cry hopelessly. He keeps all the pain inside, but then just lets it all pour out. He is not yet capable of dealing with it alone.

What do I do when I'm nervous? I lay my eyes down, I start to twiddle my nose. I cross my arms. I hold the coffee cup in my hands when the others lay theirs on the table.

Why cant I just let the nervousness come? Act confident even though I'm scared? Hold my head up like a grown up. Let the anxiety be and accept it, but in the middle of it, know that I will manage. Seems like everybody else knows how to do it.

But me, I either try to suppress it like that kid running towards home, or let it all come out like when he gets to mom. How come is it so difficult to comprehend that I really can take it by myself?

 

[Moon Fire]

That is a cool post

 

[ItemEleven]

I reached a similar conclusion just recently. Knowing that other people have reached the same conclusion as me means a lot to me. Great post.

 

[CopadoMexicano]

Very nice post getGrid. Woudlnt hurt to match to your attitude.

 

[getGrid]

Getting rid of sa is the main goal of my life right now.

But. Sometimes I get to the point where I really ask myself: would I be ready to just let go? What if I just stopped and raised my head up high. Then it hits: I don't want to. I'm too scared. It is easier like this. That would mean I would have to face the wicked world all by myself. I would have to face difficult situations and stand tall. I would have to survive by my own. What if I come out and be crashed?

And what if the others just start making fun of me? I'm not strong enough. Not strong like them.

No, it is easier to hide. It is easier to cross my arms and talk quietly. Not to look into their eyes. Be nervous.

It is safer to be weak, and hope the others nurture me, hold me like a flower.

Still feel my feet don't carry in this big world, desperately need to get into the arms of others.

Still can't realize I can do it by myself.