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Born Of Blotmonað
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
"I'm both Socially Anxious & Anti-Social"

The little time that I do spend out & about I'm either giving off a vibe that says "Leave Me The Hell Alone" or a vibe that says "I'm Awkward & Timid"
The above quote is a thought I had earlier today & posted in the "Random Thoughts" thread here on the forum. It made me think I should open up a discussion about it.

- Some become anti-social not because they are naturally prone to it because they simply feel that avoiding anxiety is a priority. These people are often inclined to want lots of interaction but their anxieties are usually the more dominant influence on their actions

- Others are naturally prone to being anti-social & enjoy their alone time but when they either want or need to interact that's when SA is extremely problematic . These are people who don't want the big crew just a few good people to relate with - (This is how I am)

I'm curious about where people find themselves between the 2 if you do at all, any & all thoughts on this are welcome
 

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breaking free
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I'm both. I like my time alone sometimes, but it does get lonely.
 

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I dont see being alone as lonely. Its solitude. Theres a difference. Does that make me anti social? I feel more lonely when there is people around me or in social situations.

But I often think, if I didnt have my partner, would I be this comfortable in solitude?
Maybe Ive just been so lonely for too long and had no choice but to accept it and learn to love being alone?
 

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Born Of Blotmonað
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19,297 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I dont see being alone as lonely. Its solitude. Theres a difference. Does that make me anti social? I feel more lonely when there is people around me or in social situations.

But I often think, if I didnt have my partner, would I be this comfortable in solitude?
Maybe Ive just been so lonely for too long and had no choice but to accept it and learn to love being alone?
I'm similar,

I've felt lonely more often with people than by myself, so I agree that wanting solitude isn't necessarily anti-social so long as you're not taking it to extremes. However in today's technological culture not seeking out interaction continually is deemed very anti-social by a large group of people. In my case I don't have a partner so I think that makes it seem a bit more strange to others. I think my being alone for so long has shaped part of my mentality but some of it has always been there, privacy is very important to me.

I think one of the things I'm trying to address here is this idea of forcing yourself to be social if you're not necessarily a social person most of the time. Exposure therapy I think is necessary to be able to address issues that relate to basic tasks like shopping for groceries but I find that in general I'm not interested in others company often. Things like diners, seeing movies, simply sitting & talking, getting out for the sake of being out just aren't appealing to me much anymore. I guess this is more a sign of a solitary person than anti-social one, I don't know.

Then there's the "misery loves company" theory which I find is an oxymoron at times because if you take the example of the unhappy drunk at the bar, he/she is there to be around people but wants nothing to do with them.

It's all very confusing trying to distinguish between anti-social behaviour, solitary behaviour, & socially anxious behaviour because being out & with people doesn't mean you're social, being alone doesn't make one anti-social & social anxieties are a frustration between the 2
 
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