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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've always found when talking to someone I never have any idea what to say. For example when I'm talking to someone in college we have about a very, very short chat and then everything goes completely dry with a sense of awkwardness. Or for another example whenever my girlfriend comes online (long distance relationship)and we chat on msn I have felt that the first few weeks of knowing her went really well with us having lots of conversations but now it feels dry after saying hi, how are you, how was your day etc.
The thing that scares me the most is I've promised to open my mic up either tonight or tomorrow and a) I have no idea what to talk about and b) my voice is VERY bad :(
How does everyone come up with a conversation topic straight away and keep a conversation going and even better, what should I talk about on mic?!
 

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just think of something you heard about on the news like 'hey did, you hear about so and so?'...or tell her about something that happend to a buddy of yours that she knows etc etc..conversation is 2 fold, each person needs to keep it alive, the burden shouldnt be placed on one person...if she is quiet and insists on you keeping the energy going, id drop it and move on...lol...
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
just think of something you heard about on the news like 'hey did, you hear about so and so?'...or tell her about something that happend to a buddy of yours that she knows etc etc..conversation is 2 fold, each person needs to keep it alive, the burden shouldnt be placed on one person...if she is quiet and insists on you keeping the energy going, id drop it and move on...lol...
Thing is I only have one best friend and she doesnt know him (or anyone else for that matter). The news isnt interesting also, I know that she wont be interested by that.
 

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Practice makes perfect.

You could try listening in on other peoples conversations and getting an idea of what they talk about as a means of getting ideas yourself.
 

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I'm the same. When i have first started talking to someone it's easier to find stuff to talk about because you're getting to know each other but then i get dry and don't know what to say.
 

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i think ive come to terms with the fact that ill never be a conversation starter, i need a person to give a subject or material to talk about to hold a legitimate conversation.
 

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I don't understand how the brains of these people work... how they can just keep talking and talking about something, and then slowly transition to other topics?

I always wonder if they have repeated these same conversation topics to other people, and the repitition of it makes it so that they don't have to think too hard about what they are saying... I think I'm too picky about the words that I use... Maybe they have rehearsed the same lines over and over again, that they don't even think about the words anymore, and only have to focus on ideas...
 

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some people just have that ability, i will never understand it myself. i've known people that could and would talk 24/7 about anything and everything. it never stops amazing me.
 

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i know a few people that can just walk up and start talking to people they dont even know...they can just rattle on and on...its strange...with me, i can feel the boredom creeping in and i have to leave...
 

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I don't understand how the brains of these people work... how they can just keep talking and talking about something, and then slowly transition to other topics?

I always wonder if they have repeated these same conversation topics to other people, and the repitition of it makes it so that they don't have to think too hard about what they are saying... I think I'm too picky about the words that I use... Maybe they have rehearsed the same lines over and over again, that they don't even think about the words anymore, and only have to focus on ideas...
I think it is just experience and an ability to socialize and communicate.

I want experience, I just don't want the perceived rejection and awkwardness that comes along with it - which is probably impossible. ugh
 

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I'm the same. When i have first started talking to someone it's easier to find stuff to talk about because you're getting to know each other but then i get dry and don't know what to say.
Yep it's so easy at first then after you get past the usual topics of getting to know someone you might as well part ways and never speak again cause you're pretty much done, at least that's the way it feels for me anyway lol. :)
 

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Maybe go into random chat rooms where you can chat to people with mics, and talk about whatever, and who cares if some convo's crash or go nowhere, its just another voice over the net!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Maybe go into random chat rooms where you can chat to people with mics, and talk about whatever, and who cares if some convo's crash or go nowhere, its just another voice over the net!
but its not like being there in person and I dont/wont have any common interests as 99.99% of people do
 

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The #1 topic most people love to talk about is... THEMSELVES! Conversation isn't as hard as you think it is. I find most conversations extremely boring except when I am actually getting to know things about the person I am talking too. This works tenfold if you are talking to the opposite sex. You don't have to be extremely witty, just be patient and things will come to you.
 

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Leil Lowndes has books on conversation, you might like to search her on Amazon (other book retailers are available), I have trouble with this but a technique she suggests has helped me a lot. People give out clues about what they want to talk about. 90% of the time people will throw you clues, because people love to talk about themselves.

So if someone says they were shopping, think of all the possibilities of that, what did you buy, who did you go with, was it the big mall over there, have you ever been to Store X. If they say I was in my garden, have you got a big garden, were you helping your parents? If they say I was at a club, ask what are the clubs like here, what are the doorstaff like cause where I'm from they can be rude at times, did you have to dress up to get in was it one of those places, what was the music like, did you get to request any songs, did you go with a lot of people.

You get what I mean, just practice that - the thinking of something to say comes easy. Getting the confidence to speak is another issue, as I said try Slow Talk, deep breaths, and practice. The more you do it the better you become at it, that applies to everything.

If you **** it up, there's another five billion nine hundred and ninety-nine million nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine people out there.
 

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you have some really great suggestions here.

I'm a bit slopped w/my second glass of wine now, but, (sorry I am getting here later than I'd hoped), I'd say one thing that's been said is true, practice does increase success. Another thing is that people do like talking about themselves, so you can pay attention to her (boy-girl thing also), and ask her how she's doing, and then try to come up with some more questions. and then share a little about yourself.

The other thing I'd say is realize that you are a sensitive person, and that's a quality that you bring to the relationship. You think about things more, you contemplate things more than most people, you are very sensitive. This is actually a good quality in a relationship, and if you want to start in w/a relationship w/this gal sharing the type of person you are is part of getting to know you. So some pauses in the conversation is fine.

Some people (you know who you are ; ) hate those who gab all the time...God relieve me. Let her know how you are. You are sensitive and not a big talker. Hopefully she likes you.

The last thing I'll say is remember to breathe. Especially the out-breath, signals your body it's safe to relax. Then your mind will be more relaxed and flexible (ideas) too. Another trick I've heard is looking to the side! Just physically looking to either side, engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms you a bit!

Enjoy! (hee) : )
 

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One thing I do try when I have to do small talk is ask the other person questions and work from there. Some people won't ask much back and just talk about themselves or stuff they know about (a few guys at my job are like that). If I get asked something, I'll answer briefly and try and turn it around to them again.
 
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