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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
There more I listen to people, the more I come across sayings or statements that just leave me scratching my head. Ones that I could never see myself saying ever. I have some:

"He/she is like a brother/sister to me"/"I love them like a brother/sister"/"They're like family to me"

"I would trust him/her with my life."

"You can always talk to me if you're feeling down."/"I'm always available to talk if you need anything". (Usually this is said after a loss of someone close to you.)


So what are yours?
 

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That last one, everytime those words come out of my mouth it means something, but everytime somebody else says it to me.. it appears to be a lie. So it infuriates me that people would even make such a gesture if they never intend to stick to it.

I could make a massive list of social attitudes that I don't understand, but it would be far too massive and in depth..
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
That last one, everytime those words come out of my mouth it means something, but everytime somebody else says it to me.. it appears to be a lie. So it infuriates me that people would even make such a gesture if they never intend to stick to it.
Yeah, that one especially makes me cringe. When I lost my mother about 7 years ago, some people that I knew at the time found out a little while later and they were shocked. So one of them said "If there's anything you need or want to talk about, I'll be here for you anytime."

As soon as the word "anything" was finished, I immediately called BS on that (in my head of course). I'm thinking "What about if I'm not doing so well in the middle of the night and I call you at 3 in the morning? Will that be alright?"
 

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Yeah, that one especially makes me cringe. When I lost my mother about 7 years ago, some people that I knew at the time found out a little while later and they were shocked. So one of them said "If there's anything you need or want to talk about, I'll be here for you anytime."

As soon as the word "anything" was finished, I immediately called BS on that (in my head of course). I'm thinking "What about if I'm not doing so well in the middle of the night and I call you at 3 in the morning? Will that be alright?"
Oh god I know that all too well. I have been that friend, that's been there at 3 in the morning, thats gotten up at ridiculous times just to bring a friend ice cream or chocolates... no matter how small their problem may be.
But you have a problem yourself, even a major one, like a death in the family.. and other people are just so casual about it.

It gets on my nerves. I also assume BS if someone says it these days, some people who have said that to me have even failed to just give me a 5 minute conversation when they are available.. so god knows what they meant by anything.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Oh god I know that all too well. I have been that friend, that's been there at 3 in the morning, thats gotten up at ridiculous times just to bring a friend ice cream or chocolates... no matter how small their problem may be.
I guess it also depends on how caring and understanding one is as well as other factors. I know I would be available to help if it was serious, even if it woke me out of my sleep. So yeah, the fact that you actually have done such to extend a helping hand shows some good character.

But you have a problem yourself, even a major one, like a death in the family.. and other people are just so casual about it.
Definitely. I mean, it's not like they're going through the problem, so it's no skin off their back!

It gets on my nerves. I also assume BS if someone says it these days, some people who have said that to me have even failed to just give me a 5 minute conversation when they are available.. so god knows what they meant by anything.
They say this to pre-emptively alleviate any guilt they might feel. By saying it, they don't have to feel guilty about "not being there" for somebody in need. I cringe at how fake stuff like this is told to me.

I've also noticed the same thing happen for when someone is feeling suicidal. "No, please don't do anything to yourself" really means "I really don't want to feel bad or guilty, if I find out that you did kill yourself" (in some cases, that is).
 

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They say this to pre-emptively alleviate any guilt they might feel. By saying it, they don't have to feel guilty about "not being there" for somebody in need. I cringe at how fake stuff like this is told to me.

I've also noticed the same thing happen for when someone is feeling suicidal. "No, please don't do anything to yourself" really means "I really don't want to feel bad or guilty, if I find out that you did kill yourself" (in some cases, that is).
That's actually spot-on! It makes me feel a little sick. Why anyone claims to be a friend at all when they are clearly not a good one is beyond me.

and it annoys me that they can't see it!
 

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It's hard for me to find the right words when someone has lost a loved one. But I won't ever say "Call me if there's anything I can do" unless I really mean it. There are only so many people that I would be willing to drop everything for.

"They're like family to me"

I heard someone say this once and knew instantly that he didn't mean it. It was a good clue into his true character.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
That's actually spot-on! It makes me feel a little sick. Why anyone claims to be a friend at all when they are clearly not a good one is beyond me.

and it annoys me that they can't see it!
Exactly! However, it annoys me even moreso when they actually can see it and they hope I'm dumb enough to buy it.

I'm almost beginning to hate the term "friend" now, because it's lost it's authenticity from being used so loosely for so long now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Another one I just remembered:

When I was in therapy several years back, my specialist gave this saying to think about and apply: "I'll see it when I believe it."

That's right, the "believe" and "see" switched places from the usual phrase you know all too well (you know, the one us cynics tend to go by). In retrospect, it sorta makes some sense, but I still haven't convinced myself to just flat out go with this train of thinking. I found this to be complete BS when I first heard it, especially since I've been ****ed over too many times to be a believer in any statement of the sort (even though, maybe.... I should try?).
 

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- "you'll be okay"
or "it'll be alright"

that's probably the worst one for me. The only time this sentence is ever used in whatever form when it comes to my friends, is when I've poured my heart out about something that clearly isn't okay, and clearly won't be okay.

It's such a cowardly, lazy thing to say. If you don't know what to say to me, just say that in the first place before asking me what's wrong >__< urgh
 

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- "you'll be okay"
or "it'll be alright"

that's probably the worst one for me. The only time this sentence is ever used in whatever form when it comes to my friends, is when I've poured my heart out about something that clearly isn't okay, and clearly won't be okay.

It's such a cowardly, lazy thing to say. If you don't know what to say to me, just say that in the first place before asking me what's wrong >__< urgh
Usually with a comforting pat on the shoulder and an unsubtle topic of conversation switch/cessation of conversation? Yeah.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
- "you'll be okay"
or "it'll be alright"

that's probably the worst one for me. The only time this sentence is ever used in whatever form when it comes to my friends, is when I've poured my heart out about something that clearly isn't okay, and clearly won't be okay.

It's such a cowardly, lazy thing to say. If you don't know what to say to me, just say that in the first place before asking me what's wrong >__< urgh
Usually with a comforting pat on the shoulder and an unsubtle topic of conversation switch/cessation of conversation? Yeah.
"Yeah, now anyway..." it's usually followed by. Coupled with a big drop on the importance scale when they shift from your troubles to their, um, ravings.

I just find the insincerity so insulting. You'd think people would catch on, but they're too busy trying to perfect the delicate balance of not hurting your feelings (on the surface, that is) while safeguarding themselves from any intrusions of guilt.

"We should hang out sometime."
"I'll call you."
"I'll let you know."

They never do.
Ugh, yep more insincere hogwash. For the same reasons I listed above.

I think what sucks is that a week or so after "We should hang out sometime.", I actually contact the person and if I'm lucky, I get a short text of "Hey, good to hear from you, blahblahblah...", if any response at all. If only we knew what we were doing wrong.
 

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"Yeah, now anyway..." it's usually followed by. Coupled with a big drop on the importance scale when they shift from your troubles to their, um, ravings.
I literally JUST had this happen to me... poured my heart out to a friend about something... all I got was "you'll be okay.... ummm, yeah so I've got a cold it sucks" hmmm glad to know your troubles are so important *rollseyestryingtothinkofsomethingsarcastictosaybacktothem*
 

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There is nothing you cannot get after you see the statistics! So, where are your statistics? Pardon me, but this sounds just too over dramatic to me "There more I listen to people"...why? Because if I was to teach you how to fly a fighter yet, I would expect for you learn the more you the more you listen to me... I like to hear facts!!! actions speak many words too. Hmmm... so I guess I don't quite understand your query.... what is mine? I just don't get why alphas get more priority... well I kinda do..... &#8230;.. but realizing that does not change things for me... I need to take action more than anything!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I literally JUST had this happen to me... poured my heart out to a friend about something... all I got was "you'll be okay.... ummm, yeah so I've got a cold it sucks" hmmm glad to know your troubles are so important *rollseyestryingtothinkofsomethingsarcastictosaybacktothem*
Agh! Talk about cringe-inducing (especially with the timing).

But you just reminded me to try and come of with a list of things to shoot back at them. Sometimes people can dismiss you unfairly, so I should have something to bite them back with, hahaha!

Most of the ones of people on this site...
Some of which are...?
 
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