Flower, if I may make some clarifications on the behalf of my drunken, negative, self-pitying posts.
First off, my SA makes me unable to discuss the matter with the people I would need to first, my mom and dad. I can't apply for SSI without them (at least I'm pretty sure). I don't even know if I have health insurance anymore, and if I do, I'm still afraid to talk to my dad (who I would be covered under) about psychologists, getting meds and what not. So, I feel stuck in this existence.
I also don't know if I'd even want to take meds, or have to depend on getting rides to see a shrink. If I did get help, I don't want any of my family to know. And, so, here lies my diliemna. I try to look at it differently. I try to look at all of the different angles of the situations and how I can escape this reality. What you see on this board isn't all I am. I'm not miserable now. I may be tonight, but I do believe that if the events of the day were to go differently, say a friend came over, I would be a little more happy about things. It's hard not to be depressed when you are stuck in your room with no one to talk to or call.