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HaloOfDarkness
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I could never pay attention in class because I couldn't concentrate. I think my teachers knew that I was uncomfortable because I don't remember their ever being a year where my desk wasn't placed way in the back. I hated school so much.
 

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Haha yeah I would never ask to go to the bathroom and always just wait until recess and stuff, I remember once in second grade peeing my pants, which was probably more embarrassing than just raising my hand...
 

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I used to too
 

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I never peed myself but I suppose that's only because I could hold it long enough.

I had SA for as far back as I can remember. I used to hide in small spaces as a kid. I had what was called a captain's bed but it was hollow underneath on one side. That side was pushed against my bedroom wall. I put a pillow, blanket, lamp, TV and a radio under there and would stay under there most of the day. I wanted to keep food under there too but my parents said no way to that.

I also built a playhouse of sorts out in the woods when I got older. I made it out of a bunch of pallets and tarps that were just laying around behind this house we rented. I stayed in there a lot. My cousin was the only friend I had so he was with me a lot. He turned out normal.

I don't know why but my parents never seemed to think I was unusual, even though I stayed in my room all the time and didn't have any friends. On the playground, I stayed as far away from the other kids as I could.

Once, when I was in 5th grade (I think) a girl apparently got a crush on me and gave me a love letter. I had no idea what to do so I asked one of the other boys what I should do about it. He (naturally) told all the other boys and they started making fun of us. She was a little overweight so I guess she was really self-conscious too. The teacher blamed me for hurting the girl's feelings (Hey, nevermind mine). So he invented a nice, humiliating punishment for me and made me apologize to her as well.

Oh. There was another "incident" with a girl. This one was a little more insignificant. She sat by me on the bus and eventually asked me out. The only problem was that I'd thought she was a he until that point (she really did look just like a guy). So I said the dumbest thing in the world. "You're a girl?"
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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Oh. There was another "incident" with a girl. This one was a little more insignificant. She sat by me on the bus and eventually asked me out. The only problem was that I'd thought she was a he until that point (she really did look just like a guy). So I said the dumbest thing in the world. "You're a girl?"
Hahaha, thats so sad! Where is she now? She's probably a total babe.
 

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Hahaha, thats so sad! Where is she now? She's probably a total babe.
Probably. I don't know why that stuck in my head. I've thought about that so much. I don't even think she cared but all through the years I thought "Man, that was stupid of me!" Maybe part of my SA now is I look back and I see all the stupid crap I've done in my whole life and I just feel embarrassed to be alive.
 

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Probably. I don't know why that stuck in my head. I've thought about that so much. I don't even think she cared but all through the years I thought "Man, that was stupid of me!" Maybe part of my SA now is I look back and I see all the stupid crap I've done in my whole life and I just feel embarrassed to be alive.
I do the same thing. I always replay bad incidents from my past over and over agian.
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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I know, it's part of the reason why I can't let go of the past. Everybody's always like, get over it, but I can't get over it. My past is who I am, it's because of my past that I became this person. I can't help but dwell on all the stupid mistakes I made and stupid things I've said. F**k my life.
 
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