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Hi,
I'm a second year pharmacy student, i am a really hard working. I graduated from high school with an average of 97%. i got straight A's in college and in first year pharmacy (last year), but now.. i just can't take it anymore. my social anxiety is getting so much worse and i became really really sensitive to noises. I have to wear noise cancelling ear phones and an expensive noise cancelling head phone on top of it and listen to white noise 24/7 in order to concentrate. I even sleep with them on, otherwise i'd just stay up all night. I don't know whats happening to me. On top of that, there are noises and moves that make me EXTRA anxious, like when this girl in my class speaks.. i just HATE here voice, it makes me so angry!!. When im at the library... i hate looking at people, they just make me feel anxious and so i always sit on one of the tables facing the wall and cover my head with a my hoodie. My ears often hurt so much after a long time wearing the earphones and sometimes they bleed. I sometimes can't speak with my friends and can't answer phone calls. I can't even pick up when my mom calls which makes me feel so so so bad. My older brother died about a year ago in a car accident and i think about him a lot. I don't feel sad about him anymore though, Its god's will and i don't object. I started cutting myself again and sometimes punish myself by not eating for a day or two. I have a 9% coursework test on Monday next weak and i haven't started studying yet. I feel so dumb and hopeless. I just know that i'm smart enough and that i have the potential.. but i just can't do it anymore. I feel powerless and mentally ill and weak. I can't go to my GP, i tried a lot but i just can't. I've been on meds before and i came off them i don't know why, i guess i was scared because no one was with me to help if something would have happen to me (I live alone).

God.. i'm just rambling random things.. I just don't know what to DO!!
 
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