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baby you're a lost cause
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For me, the person i would like to be, is just a dream which never has even come closed to be realized...

The way i see it you start out as a blank slate, the characteristics you get as life goes on defines "you".

This "you" can change, but at any given moment, you are you.

So who is then this "you", if it is not static, but changable.

Well, the only way i see it is that you are defined by your common character traits.

So if you always back down from arguments, then "you" are nonconfrontational, if you always is timid and mumbling with new people, then "you" are shy etc etc...

So, in short, "you" are who u usually behave like.

The conseques of this would be that this "real you" who ppl often talk about, who you supposedly must let out to shine, isnt really in there in the first place, but is a dream that you must change yourself into,so you really become another person with different character traits.
 

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Little Winged One
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Okay,I think with SA who we really are is covered over with layers and layers of false selves(at least in some cases). We allow ourselves to be "tailored" in ways that are abnormal. The jumping through hoops to please,hiding aspects of our selves we deem unacceptable,holding on too tightly to real or percieved negative experiences. Through our faulty thinking we allow others to define us. We tend to constantly alter ourselves in order to be successful at our next "audition". Much of this is not about our true selves but instead what we've trained ourselves to think and act out. We have a tendency to lose ourselves because we constantly define ourselves through others. When I'm around people I know very well - that's my truest self.
 

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In hiding
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How true, Still Waters. I feel like I'm never really myself. When I go out and have to exchange words with strangers, I wish so badly I could just keep my normal voice but it always sounds really shy instead and I'll beat myself up about it later. I think I'm definitely hidden under layers and layers of.. what, I don't know. But the point is, my personality is hidden. I'm myself around my family, though sometimes even then I only show them the parts of myself I think they'll want to see. I have a clear visual in my mind of the person I'd like to be. I've noticed that she's similar to anyone I find myself idolizing too. If only I could be her. I find it really impossible to just try being this confident, seemingly careless person. I envy those with the natural ability.
 

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I disagree with this post because I don't consider shyness and outgoingness to be innate traits. While its true that one person may be more predisposed to shyness/outgoingness then another, most of who we are is shaped by our environment and learned coping mechanisms.
 

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For me, the person i would like to be, is just a dream which never has even come closed to be realized...

The way i see it you start out as a blank slate, the characteristics you get as life goes on defines "you".

This "you" can change, but at any given moment, you are you.

So who is then this "you", if it is not static, but changable.

Well, the only way i see it is that you are defined by your common character traits.

So if you always back down from arguments, then "you" are nonconfrontational, if you always is timid and mumbling with new people, then "you" are shy etc etc...

So, in short, "you" are who u usually behave like.

The conseques of this would be that this "real you" who ppl often talk about, who you supposedly must let out to shine, isnt really in there in the first place, but is a dream that you must change yourself into,so you really become another person with different character traits.
By the way, I like the way you worded and expressed this. And I agree.
 

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A Living Woman
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3,464 Posts
I think I was born with a personality (I believe we all have souls - don't shoot me) and my experiences after birth made it so that different traits became more noticeable in different situations. For example, I learned socially anxious behaviors from my mother and I learned fear from my father.

I'm the complete opposite of myself though.
I can be traditional. I can go against the tide.
I can be bright. I can be sarcastic.
I can be quiet. I can be loud.
I can be reserved. I can be inappropriate.
I can be stable. I can be chaotic.
I'm a changing person which is why it can be so hard for people to understand me but so easy for me to understand other people. I didn't learn to be who I am just from life...I learned actions, ways of thinking, and emotions from life. A lot of me was already there. There have been a few times where I've strayed from my true self because of the circumstances I was in but I always come back to being this person.

I'm not sure I'd want to change either! There are things I wanna do with my life, yeah, but it doesn't really have to do with my personality. I like who I am. I've tried to change though, in the past, when I didn't like myself much at all. It didn't work, haha. It just made me a really angry person because I felt like I couldn't breathe, I felt so...stale. I ended up getting a lot of encouragement from friends and lovers, that being different was OK and that I was special and they wouldn't change me. I didn't get so much encouragement from my family but you know...whatever, haha.

I can only speak for myself though. I guess my honest belief has to do with souls. If you're an old soul, your personality is more developed before you have many experiences. If you're a younger one, your life has more of an impact. But of course people are gonna read that and think I'm crazy, haha. Oh well.
 

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Still Running
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387 Posts
My thoughts on this are that we are shaped by our upbringing and environmental circumstances as a few of you have noted. There is a lot to be said for the traits that our parents instill in us as children. We learn through our senses to be the people we become in my belief. We can learn to dress and act for a job such as retail sales, and still be ourselves when we leave work. I think it takes a certain amount of effort to become someone other than the little person inside who we were developed as children.
 

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Your Assumptions
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I have been shaped mostly by my particular neurology. Receiving treatment based on the old-school psychoanalytic theories that development is shaped mostly by nurture caused me harm and causes many people harm. Also, "blank slate" theories of development have long since been proven fallacious.
 

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I'm the complete opposite of myself though.
I can be traditional. I can go against the tide.
I can be bright. I can be sarcastic.
I can be quiet. I can be loud.
I can be reserved. I can be inappropriate.
I can be stable. I can be chaotic.
I'm a changing person which is why it can be so hard for people to understand me but so easy for me to understand other people.
That's how I've felt for years. It's like I'm two different people rolled into one. The quiet one is there with others, but the loud, aggressive one comes out when I'm alone. I'd like a merger to have the best of both worlds. :)
 

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And if there is a truest self, for me it's when alone.
I agree, when alone that's when you behave the way you really feel, and practice what really interests you, I had a teacher say that everyone had a public persona, a private one, and a secret one. The one in public is the least real and heavily controlled, while the private one is the face you show to those nearest you, family perhaps, and the secret one is the real thoughts and feeling that you have but also what you wouldn't share with anyone else. I feel the real me is more hidden than open sense having SA makes it very hard to really be open with people, even in private i don't share much with people close to me, so i guess most of me is invisible and hidden inside.
 
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