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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This girl and I had been talking for a couple weeks via online dating. Then last Saturday I went over to her place and hung out with her and her friends for few hours. Then we spent the whole day Sunday together. From noon to about 2 in the morning. She grabbed my hand and arm a few times while walking, so I'm pretty sure she's into me. When I brought her home we hugged and that was it. Then she sent me a text telling me she had fun and would like to do it again.

So tonight I'm going to hang out with her again. Either just at her place or we may go out somewhere.

Technically this is our second date, but third hang out. Should I kiss her now and ask her to go out with me? Or is it too early? If so how should I do it? Just a quick peck? It hasn't been that long since I've kissed a girl, but it feels like ages. I don't really know what to do.

I was thinking about watching her and seeing if she's open to it, then if she is I would lean in and give her a gentle kiss, then pull back a little and go back in and kiss her on the cheek and say thanks for coming out with me. Then maybe ask her to make this a permanent thing.

Is that a good idea? Should the kiss just be a completely closed mouth peck? Or should I part my lips a bit, no tongue obviously, but I'm thinking slightly parted and kissing her top lip, then to the cheek and then ask her out.

Good? Where should I put my hands? Back of the neck? Hips? I'm over thinking it I know, but I kinda want to blow her away, although that's probably unlikely lol.
 

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If she really likes you, she'll be blown away by the fact that you initiated the kiss in the first place. Just do it. If you fail, you fail. If you succeed, you succeed. Just do what comes naturally, because if not, she might set unreachable standards for you. Even though I've never had a relationship, it just seems like it is simple for people who have.
 

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It is a bit counter intutive but I think a small kiss (peck) is a better idea for a first kiss than a big Hollywood movie style kiss.

Why? Because with women it is all about going at a steady pace, going to fast and they shut down, go to slow and they lose interest.

If you wait too long for the first kiss third or fourth date, it becomes this THING hanging over you two where you are both putting a lot of pressure on it.

But if you give her a big kiss right now it may shock her and she may think you are moving too fast and she will want to slow things down or stop.

A peck on the lips is nothing, but something. You do that and BAM your first kiss is out of the way, it is done. She can't be too shocked because it was a small kiss, but at the time you have passed that point of "are we dating or are we just hanging out."

I vote for small peck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
It is a bit counter intutive but I think a small kiss (peck) is a better idea for a first kiss than a big Hollywood movie style kiss.

Why? Because with women it is all about going at a steady pace, going to fast and they shut down, go to slow and they lose interest.

If you wait too long for the first kiss third or fourth date, it becomes this THING hanging over you two where you are both putting a lot of pressure on it.

But if you give her a big kiss right now it may shock her and she may think you are moving too fast and she will want to slow things down or stop.

A peck on the lips is nothing, but something. You do that and BAM your first kiss is out of the way, it is done. She can't be too shocked because it was a small kiss, but at the time you have passed that point of "are we dating or are we just hanging out."

I vote for small peck.
I was never thinking about a big long kiss. On a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being a peck, 5 being a full on makeout, I was thinking like a 1.8-2. Not tightly pursed, barely open and 2-3 seconds max. I've never liked small pecks, they feel too big sister/brotherly to me. I know I've thought about kissing this girl a lot, and not once did I think about how awesome it would be if she gave me a quick kiss. It's always been a romantic very gentle first kiss. I assume girls are somewhat similar.

I need a female perspective. Would you rather the first kiss be a quick peck or a nice gentle real kiss? No tongue, no heavy touching, just a nice "I'm really into you" kiss.

And how about the kiss on the cheek after the kiss and then lightly thanking her for coming out near her ear? Will it ruin it? Is it lame?
 

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If facing each other, I'd take hold of her hands, stare into her eyes, pull her in close, give her a hug, then a closed-mouth kiss (maybe slightly open).. Not a quick peck but nothing too long either. Just a few seconds. You can move your hands up and down her sides or her back, put 'em around her hips.. You don't have to keep them still.. After you pull away, you can stroke her hair, her face..

Whoa, I want a girl with me and I want her right now!!

And how about the kiss on the cheek after the kiss and then lightly thanking her for coming out near her ear? Will it ruin it? Is it lame?
Don't spoil it with words :)

The cheek kiss, I don't know. I don't like the cheek kiss. I think that's a grandmother thing, but that's just me.

You don't need to ask her out -- you're already there! And once you kiss her, she's going to have a pretty good idea that you're interested in something a little more than just 'hanging out'. Let your actions do the talking.
 

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Wait for a good opportunity while you are alone with her, maybe when you are about to leave. If she's looking at your lips a lot and acting a little shy then she probably is waiting for you to kiss her. Hold her hands and push her hair behind her ear. Definitely just stick with a kiss on the lips and make it last for a few seconds.
 

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I agree with the last two posters. While close to her, note her body language, how she's looking at you, etc. You should be able to tell what she wants. If all systems are go, then plant a soft, brief one on her. During the kiss, it'll be clear to you whether she wants you to keep going. Go with the flow (I know that phrase can seem vague and unhelpful, but it really is all you should be thinking - if you're thinking anything more, then you're probably overthinking).

Given that she seems to like you and is comfortable with you (otherwise she wouldn't have spent a whole day with you), I wouldn't be surprised if she's hoping for a kiss, so as to get a better idea of how attracted she is to you (initial kissing is important for that).
 

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Going with the kiss on the lips might seem like a safe bet. But there's also the possibility she might think you are a wuss if you do that. I saw a matchmaking show where the woman complained that all she got was a peck on the lips on the first date. Not all women are the same though. Honestly this isn't something you should script or over-think. This is something that can only be done successfully when it comes about naturally. Go with what feels right. I don't know about you but I find that my SA is at it's worst when I think too much and almost non-existent when I don't think so much. Sometimes it's really hard to just stop thinking and self-monitoring and go with the flow though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
So I took none of your advice and did my own thing last night. It worked to a T lol. Probably I really like her and it shows.

Here's how it went down:

We're at a party with like 40 people. Loud music, beer pong, laughter, etc. For awhile her and I are just doing what you do at parties. Drinking and messing around with friends. We'd split up and then every so often find each other.

Towards the end of the party, but while everyone was still there I sat on an empty couch knowing that she might sit down next to me. She did almost immediately, and since she was a bit tipsy, layed back and me and started stroking my arm. We sat like this for an hour just lightly touching. She would kiss my hand and I would kiss the top of her head. She ended up falling asleep in my arms in the middle of a loud *** party lol.

After awhile it started to get hot so I asked her if she wanted to go outside. She did and we slowly walked hand in hand to her car. Once there she leaned against the trunk and stared me straight in the eyes. I had kinda known she was into me for awhile, but you'd have to be Ray Charles to miss that amazing gaze. So I made my move.

Me: "So I don't know if you noticed....but I seem to really like you."
Her: "Oh ya (jokingly and sarcastic), I hadn't noticed.
Me: "Yeah, you're perfect so far, but there's just one thing I'm not sure if you're good at."
Her "..and what's that?"

That's when I leaned in and kissed her. She was very open to it and we kissed for a solid minute easy. No tongue obviously, but definitely parted. when she pulled back she gave me the most amazing gaze I've ever seen. She has amazing eyes that I could look into for days.

Me: "Man that stare is irresistible..."

I lean in and we kiss again for another minute or so. I move away from her mouth, to her cheek and then down to her neck, but her hair gets in the way and I retreat lol.

We start to walk back close together, but we end up stopping 3-4 times to have a quick make out session in the middle of the road lol. She even nibbled on my ear for a bit.

Right before she finally got into her car (her friend was driving), she gave me the most passionate kiss I've ever had. I literally felt weak in the knees and did everything in my power not to run screaming after her.


So we're officially going out now and I'm freaking ecstatic. This girl is fairly open about her emotions, so that really made making a move easier. She had been drinking and was fairly drunk, but not to any level where I should feel bad for kissing her. She texted me the next morning talking about how amazing it was.


I was way over-analyzing it. I didn't spend one time thinking about any plans while kissing her. It just came naturally and all I could think about was how much I like this girl and how soft her lips are.


Yea, that's that. I had fun and am planning on more tomorrow.
 

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:clap
Congrats:p
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Wow.....after all of the above I'm now really confused.

I said the other night that we were going to make us a pretty permanent thing. We even joked about how fun it was going to be to change our relationship statuses to "In a relationship."

So today I change it on FB then awhile later I send her a text just joking around about how I beat her to the punch on FB.

Her response:

".......As far as the relationship change....I'm not completely ready to just jump into a relationship just yet. I really like you but I want to hang out some more first."

That would have been fine if it was earlier, but last night not only did we make out constantly, but she also said she was excited to change her relationship status. Kinda sad that I'm mentioning facebook in this type of subject, but I took that as a sign of commitment.

I am just very very afraid of going all in and then being crapped on. This girl is awesome, and now I'm starting to get scared.


I'm going to another party with her tonight, I guess I'll talk to her about it. Light heartedly of course.


Thanks
 

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Yeah the whole making it official thing is a bit iffy. It's uncomfortable because then someone has to bring it up eventually. Personally I'd rather the other party bring it up. lol. I don't want to be the one to bring it up. Seriously though you are a 23 year old guy. Why worry about making things official? Yeah I know what it's like to fall hard for a chick. But the moment that happens she will often lose respect for you. It sucks. I hate making myself vulnerable in those situations.
 

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Dude, she was drunk. Whether that effects someone's decision or not, it has a placebo effect on the brain, so people think they can do and say whatever they want and get away with it because they had a lil' something.

Just play it cool. Just hang out with her more like she wants, but don't be too available. Don't put her on a pedestal now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Dude, she was drunk. Whether that effects someone's decision or not, it has a placebo effect on the brain, so people think they can do and say whatever they want and get away with it because they had a lil' something.

Just play it cool. Just hang out with her more like she wants, but don't be too available. Don't put her on a pedestal now.
It's not like we hooked up at a party. Yea she was drunk, but we had hung out every day of the week prior and are doing it again tonight. I'm pretty sure I went over this in the original post..
 

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It seems like she's into you. Still, it's safe not to get too carried away emotionally and with the "relationship status" talk. I wish girls would not play stupid games like that where they "test" how available are you and if you are too available, you fail the test and they are no longer attracted to you. But unfortunately many of them do "test" you like that. David DeAngelo mentioned in his Man Transformation video that a true perfect 10 (on the outside and the inside) has no desire for a man to give her power. So maybe girls like her who do stupid tests like that just aren't quality. Perhaps she's not as cool as you thought she was. Who the hell does the relationship status talk and then backs off using the excuse that she was drunk before? That sounds like game playing to me.

I'm sure the girls will chime in differently in here. But like David DeAngelo has said, don't listen to women who give you girl advice because what they think they want is not necessarily what they truly want. Girls may think they want a guy who will accommodate to their every need. But they will lose interest and respect for a guy who would. Don't be a player. Don't be a PUA. But stand up for yourself. I don't know about you but I wouldn't feel like being too emotionally invested in a girl who pulls stunts like that and uses drunkenness as an excuse. It's not about being a misogynist (and I do frown on the misogynist tone that you often see on SAS). It's about demanding mutual respect and what she did was not very respectful. I was in a situation where I accommodated to a girl's every need and I ended up resenting her for the one-sidedness of her continuing to take and take and take and rarely giving. It's like being with an emotional vampire. Don't fall into that trap.
 
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