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Today was my first day back at work in 3.5 weeks (I was in intensive therapy for 2.5 weeks of that time) and everything was going okay, then I decided it would be a good idea to get everyone to go out to lunch. I thought I would be ok, especially since not too much was even coming up about me being gone for so long and where was I, but it was just that old feeling that came creeping back in saying "I don't fit in".

It was the same old thing, I felt like I didn't have anything to say, the things I did think of to say seemed to pale in comparison to what other people were talking about, when I did manage to talk about my weekend I felt flustered the whole time and that I sounded like an idiot so basically the whole time at lunch I didn't talk much, just reacted to what other people were talking about and by the end of it I felt like I'm just totally socially awkward...like what the hell is so hard about making small talk and having conversations with coworkers. It should not be this hard. I know they are just co-workers and not to get so emotional about it but it's still that feeling of not being able to just have normal conversations with people.

I guess I'm just venting, but it's a really frustrating feeling. I feel like in my therapy I learned how to be comfortable out in public and with strangers, which is great, but I still can't hold a real conversation with a peer....I honestly can't remove the mental block to using CBT and exposures to work on that kind of stuff. What am I missing?
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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I can't hold conversations eiether. I stand their thinking of something to say, just anything but it never comes to mind so everything just gets really silent and boring or theres times when I start talking about stuff that even I don't care about. I don't know if there any way to really get better at making conversation. I think for me, I just really don't have that much to say. I'm pretty closed mouthed and wish people could except that.
 

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First, congrats for making it through therapy.

I think the hardest thing is going back home. There's just too much history, and it feels like your "place" has been carved for you in stone. I'm staying with family this week, and it's not good for me at all. I feel zero motivation to do anything, I'm just sitting in my room looking for things to do on the computer. Kind of like how I spent all of high school.

I need to get away from the house this week.

edit: To be a little more constructive...maybe you didn't do as badly as you thought you did. I have a heck of a time just getting two coworkers out for lunch. Maybe you could do what I tried last month, and set a goal to have X number of conversations a day with someone at work. The goal would give you some inspiration to find things to talk about, even if it's all "work stuff." Eventually your coworkers might feel better about sharing things with you.
 

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I hear you! Good on you for asking them to go to lunch with you, I would never have the guts to do that..

Keep up with the therapy, I'm sure it will help

=)
 

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I felt like I didn't have anything to say, the things I did think of to say seemed to pale in comparison to what other people were talking about, when I did manage to talk about my weekend I felt flustered the whole time and that I sounded like an idiot so basically the whole time at lunch I didn't talk much, just reacted to what other people were talking about
I'm really impressed that you were able to talk and contribute to the conversation, as well as being a good listener. As long as you're not completely silent, people like to talk and to have another person listen.
 
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