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You'll be happy once you understand who you are, that's the simple and only answer. The problem is I'm guessing you're afraid to try out new things because of how others may react. I say this often.. but take baby steps. First teach yourself to change thought patterns, constantly remind yourself that nobody around you cares as much as you think they do.

When you're feeling down look over the good things in your life.. it took me years to learn how to make my mind fall into a ritual of positive thinking, It'll help you much more then you might believe. I know it's hard when your depressed to think about anything fluffy.. but it's incredible once you have a terrible day filled with anxiety and worry very little about it. good luck.
 

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^^yeah but when you have anxiety/other issues sometimes you are completely clueless as to who you REALLY are...many of us try to act like other people, or we put on fronts, and it gets to the point where we dont even know who we really are..
 

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I feel I have never been completely happy in my life, not sure why, maybe I grew up not knowing how to be. I have a problem with relying on other people to make me happy because I can't seem to be happy with myself and I don't know why, I don't know what the underlying problem is - perhaps low self-esteem? or am I unhappy because I have no social life? But then part of me believes that if I did go out more I still wouldn't be happy. When I have been out in the past I haven't felt particularly happy. Maybe one has to be happy with themselves before they can be truly happy with other people? But in that case how can you make yourself happy especially when you're not satisfied with who you are. I just want to be grateful for life but I don't even know what makes me happy anymore, I feel completely lost.
one achieves happiness and self esteem by :

*sharing/helping other people
*transforming the negative sides o themselves e.g SA. ransform from reactive to proactive. SA is nothing more than reactive behaviour
*creeating values for the world through the carear you was born to live
 

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This reminds me of the scene where Antigone questions her father as to why she can't have happiness right then and now, and he tell her happiness is like a biscuit that you savour a little at a time, once in a while.

So I've learned to be content with the little things in life and not expect too much out of life so I don't end up constantly disappointed. Also, when you don't take yourself too seriously and manage to forget your problems and really live IN the moment, things just seem so much better.
I've learned to enjoy simple things since they're what matter most and not to think too much when I'm in a 'happy' moment. Just soak in the feeling and be happy. =)
 

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Quote from me: It depends on what you call happiness? I think everyone has a different idea of what happiness is. Some people who appear to have found it, probably are not fulfilled in every aspect of their life. and people who are looking for it, probably have been looking in the wrong place.
I think happiness comes from self love, appreciation and compassion.

I define 'finding happiness' as 'finding your own path to happiness', so in a way it is both finding and creating your own. Ive often had this debate with people for some reason, I find people will either say 'Find your happiness' or 'Create your own happiness', and I never understood the difference because I believe both.

Found here:http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f24/how-realistic-is-it-to-expect-happiness-65979/
 

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i think there's an element of deranged happiness, comfort certainly, found in wallowing in your misery especially with it being a solitary activity and i think 99% of us on this site are guilty of doing so. we make being miserable a part of who we are and then get so attached to that idea that we forget how to be our real selves (hope that doesn't sound too pretentious)
 

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I don't know the answer, but I think there's some wisdom to be found in this passage from John Stuart Mill's autobiography:

"Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so. The only chance is to treat, not happiness, but some end external to it, as the purpose of life. Let your self-consciousness, your scrutiny, your self-interrogation exhaust themselves on that; and if otherwise fortunately circumstanced you will inhale happiness with the air you breathe, without dwelling on it or thinking about it, without either forestalling it in imagination, or putting it to flight by fatal questioning."

Easier said than done, and I'm very far from being there myself, but I find it persuasive. I think another way of saying it is that you need to give up trying to find happiness, and instead allow happiness to find you. Which probably also means not worrying so much about finding the "real you." (Again, easier said than done; it can be a hard thing not to think about, and I'm not quite sure myself how to break out of that pattern of "fatal questioning"--though I think socially_inept might be in the right ballpark by suggesting service to others.)
 

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happiness is acceptance...you can feel anxiety and still be happy. most of us here are emotional wrecks. we cling on to our anxiety and when its gone we are so relieved and then it comes back so basically we are on rollercoasters getting flung around endlessly the only way to get off the roller coaster is to accept that the anxiety is there and sadness and bull**** and all other bad stuff and embrace it by doing that you find your center because you stop fighting the anxiety and you can now take the time to look at what else you have we are all helplessly fixated on our anxiety which keeps us anxious but also keeps us from enjoying other things that might be happening at the same time of the anxiety and if you live life at your center (the true you) then things don't bother you as much you're in the moment and you're happier. ta da!
 

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I feel I have never been completely happy in my life, not sure why, maybe I grew up not knowing how to be. I have a problem with relying on other people to make me happy because I can't seem to be happy with myself and I don't know why, I don't know what the underlying problem is - perhaps low self-esteem? or am I unhappy because I have no social life? But then part of me believes that if I did go out more I still wouldn't be happy. When I have been out in the past I haven't felt particularly happy. Maybe one has to be happy with themselves before they can be truly happy with other people? But in that case how can you make yourself happy especially when you're not satisfied with who you are. I just want to be grateful for life but I don't even know what makes me happy anymore, I feel completely lost.
Happiness is hard to find and everyone has to find it on their own, however, it does require the help of others, and asking other people about this idea is a great step to take. Other people can't make you happy; only you can, and you are right when you say you have to be happy with yourself first before you can be happy with others. If the Nine Inch Nails are a favorite band of yours, you are probably not a happy person (I can relate because I used to think they were a great band when I was not so happy in my life, but now that I am happy I don't care about them so much). If you are not satisfied with who you are, you have to figure out what makes you satisfied (talking to a counselor is a great option-it helped me a ton in my life). Going out, if you mean going out to bars, does not make people happy - this is only a false happiness.

All I can say about finding happiness is that you need to keep trying different things, and keep doing those things that make you happy and stop those that don't. To make it more confusing, society says that drugs, alcohol, and pornography are things that make us happy, but that really do not. If you enjoy making or listening to music, then do it more! Try different jobs. Jobs are where you spend most of the hours of your life and if you don't like your job, you won't end up liking your life. Maybe conventional jobs aren't for you; be creative and find some way of making an income and supporting yourself that makes you happy. This is fairly general and vague, but happiness can vary widely by person, and each person has to take his or her own path to finding it. Let me or others know if you have questions!
 

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You don't find happiness. You create it. That's my belief.

Life is full of choices. You can choose to be happy. You can choose to be angry. It's up to you.

The first step you need to take is to take some time every day to be grateful about things.

For me, what truly made me happy was making other people happy. You need to appreciate and love others. Never criticize, condemn, judge, or hate anyone. Take that unnecessary stress out of your life. :b
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks everyone for your ideas... I will defo take a look at that article thanks alohomora
 

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I have no idea how to achieve happiness. After 36 years in hell I find that I just discover a new & deeper level of hell with each passing year. My hopeless life just keeps getting worse.
 

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I believe you can only be truly happy in this crazy world if to find true love. Of course having severe SA will basically eliminate that possibility…Fail
 
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