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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
"Last but not least, be yourself" > common phrase I've read in articles, aimed at teens, giving advice on how to make friends/fit in. (Yep, I still scan them - nugget of hope that someday they'll let slip the "secret" to non-SAness).

It's difficult to explain - I'm not depressed/suicidal etc - but for the past few years I've felt this "yourself" doesn't exist anymore. Sure, I have certain things I'll always like/dislike, but, when I'm with people I don't really know, I'm constantly trying to adapt (not the normal toning-down-of-swearing level. More drastic changes in character). I don't just think or act - it's always, "So what would one of them have thought/done?"

Then, when I'm with people who actually show an interest in becoming friends with me/people whom I don't feel that intimidated by, I think "........." :um

It's like I'm only capable of reacting to someone else's actions (and my responses are basically someone else's that I happened to overhear/see some other time) and spontaneous thought is impossible. Like I'm so anxious about what other people think about my opinions that I've stopped forming them altogether. I kinda look back at when I was in preprimary school and think, "Wow. How did I have so many opinions back then?:sus"
 

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I thought I didn't know who I was either a few years ago. I'm still me. It's ok to have the interests that I like or like the music that I like. It's just who I am. This is me. Even though, I think that no one likes these things there are definately others that do. It just seems difficult to find someone with the same interests who I can relate to and who I can get along with.
 

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my entire life's a lie. The face that i show in front of everyone is just a mask, just something to hide behind, people that ask me about myself will get many half truths and many lies because i'm too embarrassed. The real me is just a weird person, I learned that over and over again with people, that's why i don't have any real friends, because deep down i just don't really connect with them. I hate talking to people partly because of this, i will not be expressing myself, but playing a character. :blank
 

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I can kind of relate. I don't really know who I am. I have certain interests when I can be bothered to pursue them, certain likes and dislikes which I suppose contribute to my 'personality', but I don't really have a personality. I just feel rather blank when talking to anyone who isn't close family.
 

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my entire life's a lie. The face that i show in front of everyone is just a mask, just something to hide behind, people that ask me about myself will get many half truths and many lies because i'm too embarrassed. The real me is just a weird person, I learned that over and over again with people, that's why i don't have any real friends, because deep down i just don't really connect with them. I hate talking to people partly because of this, i will not be expressing myself, but playing a character. :blank
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I hear you on that. My whole adult life after 25 has been a fabrication of sorts. I used to hate feeling like the odd man out who everyone might focus on in gossip. I used to try hard to blend in with my co-workers, lying about girlfriends who didn't exist and memorizing sports scores and stats so I could sound like I was part of the team whenever I found myself in their midst. But my main goal was to get them to not focus on me and leave me alone as opposed to someone they might target as nerdy or antisocial. Even found a way to make my phone ring whenever I needed an escape and I learned how to create fake one way convo as if there was someone on the other end. I was a real phony.

I wouldn't say you are weird. We're just not the majority's definition of normal. I found no matter how hard I tried to fit in with people, I felt uncomfortable playing their little useless activities and I always reverted back to being me. I hate gossiping, judging and trashing other people. I hate banter. If there's nothing to talk about why make hollow noises about the weather because we can't stand silence? I'd rather have silence than meaningless blah blah nothings. Rather hear some cool music or read something artistic, historical or philosophic than sit in front of the boob tube and watch a boring baseball game or reality tv show just to have something to talk about at the water cooler.

I hate making excuses for who I am because people might not understand.
 

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"Last but not least, be yourself" > common phrase I've read in articles, aimed at teens, giving advice on how to make friends/fit in. (Yep, I still scan them - nugget of hope that someday they'll let slip the "secret" to non-SAness).

It's difficult to explain - I'm not depressed/suicidal etc - but for the past few years I've felt this "yourself" doesn't exist anymore. Sure, I have certain things I'll always like/dislike, but, when I'm with people I don't really know, I'm constantly trying to adapt (not the normal toning-down-of-swearing level. More drastic changes in character). I don't just think or act - it's always, "So what would one of them have thought/done?"

Then, when I'm with people who actually show an interest in becoming friends with me/people whom I don't feel that intimidated by, I think "........." :um

It's like I'm only capable of reacting to someone else's actions (and my responses are basically someone else's that I happened to overhear/see some other time) and spontaneous thought is impossible. Like I'm so anxious about what other people think about my opinions that I've stopped forming them altogether. I kinda look back at when I was in preprimary school and think, "Wow. How did I have so many opinions back then?:sus"
You obviously have opinions. You form them automatically, all the time, you just don't feel comfortable with people knowing them, because you think it's probably different from their opinions. The thing is, we really don't have opinions. We like certain things and we dislike certain things, but we don't know why.

We can't justify our opinions because they come from our mind. However, we are not our minds. If we were just bodies with brains in them, how do we experience life? Something has to be observing what's going on in our life. That something isn't really describable, but it is our true selves.

From when we are born, until we start to form this false understanding of what our "self" is, we are our true selves. Before we start to "learn", that is when we are our true selves. We didn't have opinions when we were extremely young, because we bases for making opinions. Where would the opinions come from?

Once we are smart enough to realize that we are the same species as our parents and any people we see, we begin to associate ourselves with them and learn behavior from them. We form "selves" and gain this subconscious understanding of who we are and what is good and bad based on the behavior of the people we observe.

Our true selves aren't formed over time, they are not who we are, but what we are. If they aren't made but simply 'are' how can we have opinions?

It's kinda deep I guess...

To be yourself, all you have to do is be genuine. If you don't care about something, don't pretend you care. But that doesn't mean you have to be miserable, you just don't care one way or the other, you are laid back, whatever.
 

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I know that we all have opinions, but sharing them has always been difficult for me. In past situations, my thoughts have always been shot down by others. And I mean, always. A couple of years ago, I would actually discard my own thoughts in favor of others' views. During that time, I lost my spirituality because of my conforming.
Today, I don't easily give up my opinions, but I still struggle with speaking up when others are engaged in conversation/debate.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I can kind of relate. I don't really know who I am. I have certain interests when I can be bothered to pursue them, certain likes and dislikes which I suppose contribute to my 'personality', but I don't really have a personality. I just feel rather blank when talking to anyone who isn't close family.
Exactly! Only, I feel anxious even around my family. "Close" comprises my mother, and two dogs. I don't have a relationship with my sister and father (actually, I'm even more anxious around them than I am around people at university). We moved out of the country when I was a toddler, so my extended family are basically strangers (They're nice and caring, and we stay in touch but I'm dead scared of meeting them in person because they probably don't know how disfunctional I am...).
 

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"Last but not least, be yourself" > common phrase I've read in articles, aimed at teens, giving advice on how to make friends/fit in. (Yep, I still scan them - nugget of hope that someday they'll let slip the "secret" to non-SAness).

It's difficult to explain - I'm not depressed/suicidal etc - but for the past few years I've felt this "yourself" doesn't exist anymore. Sure, I have certain things I'll always like/dislike, but, when I'm with people I don't really know, I'm constantly trying to adapt (not the normal toning-down-of-swearing level. More drastic changes in character). I don't just think or act - it's always, "So what would one of them have thought/done?"

Then, when I'm with people who actually show an interest in becoming friends with me/people whom I don't feel that intimidated by, I think "........." :um

It's like I'm only capable of reacting to someone else's actions (and my responses are basically someone else's that I happened to overhear/see some other time) and spontaneous thought is impossible. Like I'm so anxious about what other people think about my opinions that I've stopped forming them altogether. I kinda look back at when I was in preprimary school and think, "Wow. How did I have so many opinions back then?:sus"
dont worry , im presuming that you are young, and ntime you will find yourself

i nevr used to know who i was, it was like i hd no identity, but at the age of 21 i started discovering myself . it was once i came out of denial and admitted i neeed help and strted searching for help and getting knowledge about life tha i finally discovered who i was. it was like i wenton a journey of self discovery.

what ive found really helps is uncovering your values. this will give you an insight into what really matters to you and that is a good step towards finding out who you are
 
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