Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
397 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I hate situations where I don't know what to say. These situations are usually created by people who want something more than I want to give. For instance, someone will say "how are you?" and I will repsond "im fine." Then that person will continue to look at me as if they expect me to say more. What if I don't want to say more? Why can't "im fine" be enough?

It seems like I am the only one that gets into situations like these. When this happens to me i usually end up looking like a fool. I simply do not know how to respond to situations like this. Ive lived my whole life saying nothing but "please" "thankyou", "im fine", "im good", "yes" and "no". On a casual speaking level this is all i can do. I can't talk about my feelings or my life because I don't really have any.

I can talk on a very calculated and methodical level easily. This means i have no problems speaking when it comes to handling my needs in everyday life from participating in group projects to telling someone what I need at a store. But I can't do casual conversations.

The funny thing is that I have casual conversations with myself all the time. I joke with myself, laugh, talk about people, movies, places, things, and I even talk about serious issues at times. But I can't share this part of myself when anyone else. This part of me is private , and I don't trust anyone else to see it.

Its frustrating when people want more because i simply can't give it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
197 Posts
I kind of know what you mean. Most people make me feel anxious when they ask "how are you?" I do try to make an effort to reply, but inside my head i'm like "arggggggh".. i usually just reply saying, "i'm alright are you?".. and afterwards i always beat myself up, because i feel that i said it in the wrong tone, or that it sounded stupid. When my family come to visit, alot of the time i have one on one conversations with them (i usually stay out of the way when my family come around to avoid this type of thing..), they ask me a question, i answer it, and never know what to say next.. and there comes the dreaded awkward silence, which in the past i usually break with some stupid comment, because i feel that i have to say something before they think i'm stupid and boring. argggh i love being alone, it really is what makes me most happy. sorry that i rambled on, haha.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,700 Posts
I hate situations where I don't know what to say. These situations are usually created by people who want something more than I want to give. For instance, someone will say "how are you?" and I will repsond "im fine." Then that person will continue to look at me as if they expect me to say more. What if I don't want to say more? Why can't "im fine" be enough?

It seems like I am the only one that gets into situations like these. When this happens to me i usually end up looking like a fool. I simply do not know how to respond to situations like this. Ive lived my whole life saying nothing but "please" "thankyou", "im fine", "im good", "yes" and "no". On a casual speaking level this is all i can do. I can't talk about my feelings or my life because I don't really have any.

I can talk on a very calculated and methodical level easily. This means i have no problems speaking when it comes to handling my needs in everyday life from participating in group projects to telling someone what I need at a store. But I can't do casual conversations.

The funny thing is that I have casual conversations with myself all the time. I joke with myself, laugh, talk about people, movies, places, things, and I even talk about serious issues at times. But I can't share this part of myself when anyone else. This part of me is private , and I don't trust anyone else to see it.

Its frustrating when people want more because i simply can't give it.
Trust me man! You are not alone in this one. This happens to me a lot of times ever since I was a child. Especially the one word answers like "yes" and "no", sometimes people call me the "one question: one answer man" wherein I don't further expand on what I have just said. Like when people ask me "Have you eaten?". I just say "yes" without any other words to back it up.

And I hate that question "how are you?". I keep on getting that question for almost a hundred times already from one person and I always answer with "Im fine".

Do you ever get that awkward silent moments wherein you desperately rack your brain on more things to say in order to break the silence but nothing ever comes up? This has happened to me so many times already.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
585 Posts
I can't do casual conversations either. I get so nervous when someone I don't know well tries to talk to me, that I don't even think to say more until a while later when I reflect back on the conversation.

It's weird talking to other people sometimes. I talk to myself all the time about everything. But talking to others makes me nervous when it's about nothing in particular.
 

·
In hiding
Joined
·
1,455 Posts
Something I hate about the whole 'how are you?' thing is people seem to just expect you'll say "good. And yourself?" It's the standard answer. I hate how fake it all is. You can hardly say how you really feel so the whole thing just seems forced to me. But maybe I'm alone there, lol. :sus
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,672 Posts
I know what you mean. People always ask ''How are you'' as an opening line to most conversations. They usually hope for you to continue the convo but i'm sometimes stuck as to waht to say.
 

·
Quo
Joined
·
101 Posts
Something I hate about the whole 'how are you?' thing is people seem to just expect you'll say "good. And yourself?" It's the standard answer. I hate how fake it all is. You can hardly say how you really feel so the whole thing just seems forced to me. But maybe I'm alone there, lol. :sus
Ditto, I hate the "how are you" line because it smacks of insincerity. If I'm asked in an informal situation, I'll actually be honest and say "rather average" or "not particularly great" or something more than "good, you?" - it opens up conversation or sometimes gets a laugh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. No one likes small talk, but we all have to do it. You can't have the first thing you say to someone be, "yesterday afternoon i had a great sandwich," because it would sound weird, it depends on the person you say it to but to most it would seem strange.

Small talk is essential. It's how we've evolved. It's the very start of the conversational thread and without it there's no base for a conversation. So you can either cut it off straight away by just replying to a question with a 1 word answer, or you can take the pressure off yourself and say what you feel, and just see where it goes. I've noticed a lot of people say the most obvious and boring things in the small talk stage, like "yes, I did enjoy that sandwich, I loved the texture and the taste." I doubt the person who asked this actually cares about this info, but it's just more polite than saying "yes". That's what small talk is essentially, politeness.

It may seem so trivial when you're in the middle of it, but once you're past it you probably won't remember what you said at the start, but only if you let yourself accept that you have to do it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,429 Posts
For instance, someone will say "how are you?" and I will repsond "im fine." Then that person will continue to look at me as if they expect me to say more. What if I don't want to say more? Why can't "im fine" be enough?
They're waiting on you to ask them how they are.

I never understood when and why asking how somebody's doing became the replacement for a simple hello. It's not you REALLY care how I'm doing anyway.

I always told myself whenever somebody asked me how I was doing, I'd give them my whole life story, but I realized that wouldn't work because, you know, social awkwardness.
 

·
SAS Member
Joined
·
31,286 Posts
I'm kind of the same way. I can get by everyday life, but talking with people feels like a lot of pressure to come up with stuff to say so my mind doesn't process anything.
 

·
Haters to the left.
Joined
·
2,699 Posts
Then that person will continue to look at me as if they expect me to say more. What if I don't want to say more?
I get quite annoyed when that happens. I had this professor who asked me if I drink a lot of caffeine on a daily basis. I simply responded "yeah" in a quiet voice, she then replied "yeah??!" in a mocking tone and a disgusted look on her face...like "yeah??!..that's all you are going to say, you mousy girl?!"

Did NOT like her one bit! :x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
106 Posts
Friend: You *have* to meet my friend Dan. You guy are so alike, it's weird.

Me: Uh, alright.

*Meets Dan*

*Friend excuses herself*

*Now stuck standing next to a stranger named Dan*

Me: Be right back, Dave? I gotta use the bathroom.

Small talk SHOULD be outlawed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
haii. i know this thread died a while ago... but i had to comment. i am exactly the same!!. it kills me every day, and its getting so much at the moment i cant stand it much longer... but yeahh.. here's my experiences.. i agree with what everyone is saying! shyvr6 even more!, my mind just goes blank. so you guys are not the only ones out there... im here too!.

my problem is.. i just dont know what to say to anyone!. i can try my best and i want so hard to be able to talk to people because my friends and music is all i live for!. but yet i cant, and im loosing friends because they aint going to wait foreverr. i hate it. life could be amazing, if i knew how to talk!.

what gets me is its such a simple thing, talking to people?, but yet it dictates my life and im sure (maybweee) some of youu guys would agree.

Jayne311 >> im the same with thinking backk over things said.

but even more so.. is then im hypah as peeps my age do, i can talk general convo forever and ever and i love it so much!.. its just normal day to day... < and i guess part of that is social anxiety.

with the whole small talk thing, yes i guess it is the whole base for a conversation.. but i think that you shouldn't say it unless you mean it. to your friends.. if you dont care about how they are really doing then what good of a friend are youu?. (but still.. once ive done the whole how are you small talk i still never know what to say then.) but in the reverse, alright its polite to say to someone collage over the phone you are good(or bad). but at the end of the day when they really have no reason to care why do it.

the best and only trick i know to get someone to talk with you, is often to be the one who is asked how you are. if they say how are you, make sure you say something.. and then small talk it.. and blah. if you say something more than one word, they will probably see you want to talk and do the same?. those who dont... well.. pah!.

*doesnt know what else to say.* enjoy ;D.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
81 Posts
yeah its really just a way to get the convo goin. Its always good to say it first and put them on the spot, but with people like us its hard to say it first. Usually when someone says Hey, hows it goin, just take it slow. Say uhhhhh, pretty good, then say, You? they say yeah im alright, then say hows your day goin, talk about weekend, sports, weather, mutual friends, food, money, cars, tacos, burritos, salad, clouds, hot chicks, aliens, tall buildings, school if your in high school, college, ha, anything! Nothing to talk about? WHAT!?!?!?!?! is that a joke! We're just not good under pressure. JUST pre-plan what your gonna say and kinda just go with the flow of things. Its also not always we cant think of things its just we dont wanna say it "wrong", or sound like an idiot. We feel like we are just stupid and know nothing, but thats not true, its mostly just the "wrong tone" or "bad usage of words".
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top