[illlaymedown]

What are your siblings like and how do they affect you and your SA? I'm the oldest of 3 kids. My brother is a complete jerk. Constantly doing things to hurt, bother and put me down. My mom lets him get away with everything he does, she doesn't have a clue when it comes to being a mother. He is 17 and got his GED about a year ago and always sits around playing video games or watching tv and has the nerve to tell me what to do with MY life. He doesn't even help around the house at all, in fact I'm pretty much the only one who cleans anything around here. The other day I was sitting on the arm of a chair and he told me no guy would ever want me cus I was sitting that way(which considering my SA is a low blow and really hurt)! He says everyone who says they have depression or SA is just "stupid", "making excuses", and it's "all in their head". He, added onto other family members makes me feel like crap My sister and I don't talk a lot since she's married and doesn't live nearby. She is into drugs and getting drunk and other things that is totally against who I am, but I'd rather be around her than my brother. Maybe this should be in frustration, but I don't think everyone's siblings are gonna read like mine so I'm sticking it in Coping.

 

[pollster]

I am the oldest of 4, and they are all great people, and I'm glad they are my siblings. (Sorry, guess I can't relate to your situation. :no )

But I'm the one that's most screwed up. (Figures)

My sister is often my concert buddy.

I don't talk to any of them about my psychological issues though. However, they generally know that I've got issues of some sort.

 

[illlaymedown]

...I didn't figure many would be able to relate considering we had a very tough childhood and bad parents, so we all have "issues". Continues to feed my "damaged goods" mentality. I wish I had one person who was supportive of me, but that seems impossible in my life...for now at least. I do force my sister to hang out with me sometimes. I don't have anybody else to. I have "friends", but they never do anything with me and we're not very close.

 

[Elles Bells]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Insulting you like that is not cool.

I have an older sister, and I have some trust issues with her. When she has financial problems, she has a habit of refusing to talk to family, so she cuts us out of her life completely, and it hurts... though I guess she does it because she is ashamed.

Your friends never want to hang out?

 

[whiteWhale]

Wow that's some pretty hurtful things to say. Sorry you had to go through all that. Don't worry about the chair, no guy worth being with is going to care how you sit.

Reminds me of that one quote, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

 

[Franky]

That really sux about your brother. I think in a few years time he will probably grow up and will start to treat you with more respect...I think hes just a bit immature at the moment and doesn't really understand what's going on around him.

I've got five older brothers and sisters and there is a bit of an age gap, so I have almost grown up an only child. I do keep in contact with them, but I'm definitely not close with any of my siblings.

 

[IcoRules]

I have a younger sister who is 17, and she's pretty much the complete opposite of me - more outgoing, outspoken, out doing things with friends, different taste in movies and music, having tons of guys after her. We get along good most of the time though, but she can be hard to deal with too.

 

[millenniumman75]

Elder of two brothers. We would always agitate each other. Since my father died (miss him!), we finish each other's sentences. He sees me in a whole different light - I had to step up as the eldest child and I have done that!

 

[illlaymedown]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Insulting you like that is not cool.
I have an older sister, and I have some trust issues with her. When she has financial problems, she has a habit of refusing to talk to family, so she cuts us out of her life completely, and it hurts... though I guess she does it because she is ashamed.
Your friends never want to hang out?

Yeah, my sister is the opposite. She only calls when she wants something, mostly money which isn't helpful since we're extremely poor.
They may wanna hang out, just seems not w/me. I'm very strange I guess. They always seem to have somethin else to do or at the last minute cancel stating dif. reasons. I think how hurt I am inside comes off as being uncaring maybe. I get told by others that they thought I hated them, but I mostly just think everybody else hates me. Even on here I get those thoughts, though people have been kind to me. Idk, but I relay those thoughts to my childhood, but not having any1 show any major concern for me in my life & the lack of connection w/others just feeds those feelings. I even feel like my bro hates me

@whiteWhale: Yeah, when he says those kinds of things I get pissed & indignant & pretty much tell him off & I think what you said was among what I said, but the damage was already done. It's just having a relationship is something I really wanted at 1 time(I kinda accept now that I just can't have 1)& he & my alcoholic "dad" keep saying those types of things & it hits me hard. I was glad my bro left w/my mom otherwise I'd have cried& I don't want him to see me do that. I feel like I always have to be "strong" around him, can't show weakness. He's laughed at me for crying before too. I feel like I've just become this hard, stoney, cold, bitter person inside & that's what everybody gets & sees..I don't know how to be anything else.
I hope he does change, but I have major doubts. I'm not really much to look up to. I'm glad you guys have better sibs. Thanks for writing guys

 

[Canadian Brotha]

It sucks when you feel you need your family but at at the same time don't feel you can open up to them completely, especially if they are putting you down like your brother.

I have 2 older brothers, 1 is 26, the other 31. Both are the definition of cool when it comes to being social, they know everyone, everyone knows them, they're charismatic & engaging, the works. None of us are as close as we used to be with my eldest bro being in another city & usually just managing to get by & my middle bro in the city but living downtown & generally busy all the time. I feel as though I can't live up to their standards in my current condition when it comes to being social, I'm really lacking in the characteristics that they have & utilize so well so these days when I do see them I tend to get tense or anxious. They know I have issues with anxiety & depression as it is evident but not once have be ever outright discussed it. I really struggle to sit down & have any kind of deeply personal discussion with my family members including my parents, my family has never really done so. In some cases underlying unresolved issues also make trying a discussion useless

 

[illlaymedown]

Elder of two brothers. We would always agitate each other. Since my father died (miss him!), we finish each other's sentences. He sees me in a whole different light - I had to step up as the eldest child and I have done that!

Yeah, I kinda bear a lot of guilt and almost feel like it's my fault my sis and bro are like this since I was the oldest and though both my parents are alive(we all have different dads), they weren't there for us as kids. My sister was molested by one of my mom's bfs as a kid and I felt like I should've done more to stop it when it came out even though I tried and I was 11. My mom stayed with him too. I think that's why people scare or even disgust me at time, cus I've seen the darkest depths of some of humanity and I can't wash it away. My sister even says I shouldn't feel guilty and that I did what I could and she doesn't hold anything against me, but just seeing how her life is now and her choices....it just won't go away. I feel if I didn't let my SA get the best of me I could've done more for them too considering when I was 19 they were put in a foster home for a little while. It's tough to be alone it dealing with these things and I figure other people don't wanna be bothered by it so I guess I'll just leave it at that.

 

[Dane]

I am the oldest of four. I pretty much abdicated the "lead sibling" position, though. When my SA was at its worst I'm afraid I alienated my siblings with my withdrawn, anxious behavior. Things are better now.

Illlaymedown, you don't come accross as "hard, stoney, cold, or bitter" at all! Your brother is a naive kid who probably doesn't realize how much he's hurting you. Hopefully he will change with time.

 

[TheGambit]

My family is not very close. I think at least one of my brothers absolutely hates me. He gets away with calling me a "******" all the time. My dad only ever stops him to say "That's disgusting" which is just a double insult to me since I'm gay.

I'm the most successful of my brothers, I always get straight A's, they're both dropouts. I'm going to college, they're... both dropouts... I have a plan in life, they're... both dropouts.

Yet, I get treated like I'm scum so often.

So yeah, my family's been a negative influence on my SA. It was far worse when I hadn't come out to them yet, they'd talk about how "gays should be killed" and if they "ever found out one of us was gay" they'd kill 'em.

I went through a period where I was cutting myself, and In my sleep one night my sleeve rolled up and one of them was in my room for some reason and saw. They laughed about it for weeks and made fun of me for it daily. It was extremely embarrassing and humiliating.

The crap I went through with my siblings/family probably made my SA 1000x worse over the years.

 

[Rixy]

My sister seemed to have slight symptoms of SA when she was younger, before I developed it. She would often shake while answering the phone and she was afraid to talk to new people. She seems OK now though. She often asks questions for me because she knows how awkward I feel sometimes. I don't think she knows how anxious I get though. I consider myself lucky to have a caring sibling

 

[Patron on a ship of fools]

I'm the younger of two. My sister and I have had very little contact for the past six years. We were more or less always friends, until she did something (I can't even remember what, exactly, but really nothing too horrible) to piss me off during an especially chaotic and sensitive period of my life, and that was that for six years. I just couldn't let it go. Even after my own chaos subsided, I refused to admit that I may have overreacted. I steadfastly maintained that she was a toxic influence, and I was being perfectly reasonable by cutting her out of my life.

That recently came to an end, which is a huge positive step that I'm very proud of. She got married and had a child during the six-year silence. I recently visited her and met my nephew for the first time. It was great. By the time I left, it was as though the six-year silence had never happened. We picked up right were we'd left off, and were friends again.

So my only sibling relationship is good, but only recently became that way.

 

[Mello]

I'm the youngest, only have one sister, 4 years older than me. A few years ago she use to treat me like real crap, we are total opposites. She always use to insult me about sitting behind the computer allot and and not having many friends, about my clothes, almost everything, and everything i did she had some stupid comment to make about it. We fought allot, one time I got so mad that i threatened to kill her. I even had a knife in my hands, she was so lucky my parents where there to stop me, because i totally blacked out, i was just upset i didn't really want to kill her, just at the moment. Actually she and my father use to insult me allot my father still does sometimes, but its becoming less and less because i put them in their place. You have to show them that they can't treat you like that. Other wise they'll keep doing it. I guess some families are just heartless and don't really care for others feelings. But luckily my sister moved out, she changed quite a bit, maybe she realizes now what a ***** she was.

 

[VeggieGirl]

I am completely relate to that babes.
Just the other day my sister was calling me a freak, with no friends and that I will never make anything of myself.
It hurts and I ended up walking to work crying.

 

[ImperfectInBetween]

I'm the oldest of six; five girls and one boy. I've often felt like the experimental child in our family because my siblings have often gotten different treatment that I did at their age. I try and tell them that they're lucky, but they'd shrug it off. Mind you, I don't try and be overbearing, I just want them to understand.
I have better relationships with them now than I did when I was younger. My one sister, in particular, would infuriate me so much to the point that she didn't make any sense herself in her arguments and I even went as far as to bring harm to myself so that I could vent in some way without yelling at the top of my lungs. Of course, being the oldest, my parents expected more from me, but it always seemed that they would let the others get away with so much more while I had to control myself.
There are still times now when my relationships with them are strained, but we all have our imperfections. I tend to be immature for my age at times and have always tried to get their approval and love when they didn't want to give any.

 

[Peanutbutter Toast]

I'm the oldest of eleven. Everyone else in my family is loud and outgoing and none of them understands why I'm so quiet all the time.

I feel kind of like I'm a failure as a role model, honestly. My youngest siblings are always asking me why I have no friends and why I don't have a girlfriend and why I'm not married yet. Once my 18 year old brother asked me "have you ever even BEEN on a date?" and I didn't even bother to answer him. And I remember the time my mom called me and asked me to come over for a visit so I could meet my sister's new boyfriend. And then she even went ahead and actually compared her boyfriend to me, saying he's just like me and that he reminds her of me. As if I have anything in common with a guy who is actually able to have a girlfriend.

My mom actually called me a few days ago and told me some of my siblings are going to be in town next week. She wants me to go spend the day hanging out with them. I don't get it. How can my own mother be so clueless as to how I feel? But maybe it's best that she has no idea.

 

[161]

my brothers are alright mostly but my older brother thinks that being depressed is pathetic and today he said all gamers look exactly the same........not insane at all